On the third stage I have found my old enemy. Apparently my sound thrashing wasn't enough for him the first time!... And doesn't seem to be enough this time, since it looks like when I beat him it simply starts me over, and the floating pirate head begins asking me questions, then yelling at me. I can only assume that my avatar is angry at me because I'm wasting my time fighting cardboard boxes, rather than the armies of my rivals. I would enjoy to bathe in their blood, I will admit, but if that cardboard is sassing me, then I'll have its pulpy hide!
Ok, it seems what the head wanted me to do was beat it to death with my foot. I have gathered this now by the up arrow that appeared, the up arrow being the universal signal to kick something, as I should have remembered. Once again, I am met with multiple exclamation marks and fire, so I can assume this is a great victory on my part, and it makes me realize something important...
It's the cardboard that destroyed the worlds! This all makes sense now! Obviously I am a just and caring god, fighting against the boxy minions of the unholy in an attempt to win back reality for those who are not, like, totally square, dude.
I am also met with having won something!... Or unlocked it!... Or... who the hell knows? All I know is that there are FIVE exclamation marks, and this must be something very important. Perhaps it's the key to winning the game, or frightening off the evil box gods? Who knows? I can't read a word of it. Now, back to the world map.
And there's something new... I note that when I beat this stage, unlike the others, there is a crown on it. It could very well be that this was... THE KING OF THE CARDBOARD BOXES! The very thought of this possibility sends a shiver down my spine that will likely need extensive muscle relaxants to undo the damage it caused in its passing. I believe at this point I know what the exclamation points represented! And, on top of that, I've opened up a route all the way to some sort of pirate ship... Neat!
Perhaps it was left behind by the fruit pirates? Yo ho ho and a bottle of kiwi, me matey!
Ok, what the hell is going on! Suddenly I find that I am no longer Luffy, but now I am that lovable scamp, Nult, from the hit series Naruto. On top of this confusion, THE BOXES ARE NOW ATTACKING, AND LORD HELP US THEY ARE POWERFUL! I try to fight back as best I can, but I find that while I had nearly mastered Luffy's moves, our blond hero has NONE! Seriously, NONE, not even a freaking kick! FALL ON HIM! SOMETHING! He's cardboard! Throw a glass of water on him and watch him melt!
... Ah, so that was it, was it? I had to learn to block, and this was so important that it became necessary for me to be smacked around like a little bitch by packing material? I'll remember this, Box, mark my words! So after I managed to find the down button, the stage ends, but before it does I now notice that the bottom screen of the DS is filled with the images of Generic Kid and Girl From Romance Manga. I have no idea why, but I will assume they are cheering me on for my valiant ass whooping. It's just a shame that it was my ass.
And I was wrong! The stage isn't even over yet, not that I could tell. It seems that I was to have my revenge on the box before I left. It's important, in my opinion, never to let paper products think that they have the better of you, painful cuts be damned!
And it's not over yet!
After having been beaten by, then beating the box, it seems that I'm being given new instructions, this time with handy arrows! I'm being told that I should click on Generic Kid, and so I do... and have NO CLUE what just happened. Since I am looking at the lower screen what I see is a blur out of the top of my eyes, and then the box flies off screen... Is Generic Kid some sort of ultimate super weapon, or is he just super effective against cardboard? Who knows? But I do know that Girl From Romance Manga makes the bar below my health sparkle... clearly, she has turned it into a vampire.
More tomorrow!
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