We don't always like being nonplussed

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Flailthroughs- Jump Superstars! (Part 12)

Ok, so now where was I? Oh yes! Explosion stage! I have no idea what series this is supposed to be from, but it looks like it has something to do with the Pentagon flying into the sun. Neat! I didn't even know it was capable of that level of space travel (though the government does hide a lot of things like that from us... Statue of Liberty? Actually a giant alien corpse. Fact). This city isn't pink, so I have a lot of hope for it, because anything that isn't radioactive pink is automatically better (sorry girls, I'm a boy, we're naturally allergic).

What in the name of the great gods Larry, Curly and Moe did I just fight? I assume it was supposed to be sports-related, since the opening series of manga panels show the character (I'm going to have to call him Generic Manga Construction Worker, because that's what he looks like) running, jumping, or doing any number of other sports-related things. The stage itself... I can't even describe it, it's so confusing. My opponent, who doesn't change once, turns out to be a pretty tough cookie. He can summon a person on a motorcycle that runs my ass over and laughs at me... A person in a gold suit? Alright, I guess that's cool... a woman that seems to be baking something... I am not making this up. She is holding a bowl and mixing, I don't know, a cake. She rips off her apron with a flourish, then disappears. I don't know what she's supposed to do, but I somehow fear this is an ultimate weapon. A poisoned cake perhaps? That's how they got Che Guevara.

Ok, onto the next stage! I'm met with the same generic construction worker looking guy, but I see from the little boxes (not face boxes) that I'm supposed to do something... What? I don't know, because apparently it's too much to ask for a Japanese video game to be in English, sheesh! I hit him a few times and accomplish nothing, so I begin moving around the stage and hitting things, because that's what you do: get angry, and punch a fucking barrel, it's good for you, like Niacin. And it does turn out turn out that punching barrels is the way to go, so yay! I'm starting to be able to guess what this bag of digital insanity is asking of me! I finish the stage and complete three objectives too! No clue what they were, but I'll have to guess it was pausing every thirty seconds to watch Mythbusters. Now that's a stage I can do any day!

And then the game freezes... I reload, and it says I haven't beaten the last two stages. I get to go back and do them again, yay! Just give me a moment or two to find my shotgun... No, not the system, this thing was $200.

Anyway, since I can't find a handy weapon to hit myself with, I go back and beat the previous two stages. It wasn't that hard to be honest, but I didn't get all of the same achievements, so I am down a panel or two. Back to the game.

It's another explosion stage! This time I'm pretty sure I recognize the icon for the stage. It's a plain black notebook with small words on it that I can't read, and I think that would be the Death Note, from the series Magical Shopping Arcade Abenobashi... I mean Death Note. Time to see what it has in store for me...

Ah, the series Death Note is one of my favorites, I must admit. Who can forget such famous characters as giant blond albino, and Piccolo? I remember when Kira first took out our favorite Namekian, and he simply spat out an egg as he was dying so he could come back and fight him again later, and then giant blond albino cried over his death... No, wait, I think that was the last time I had week-old chinese food (it has happened more than once, it will happen again, this I swear!). About the only thing I can say about this stage is that Piccolo summons L to help him, as we all remember from DBZ, and L, to aid his friends, sits at what appears to be a computer mainframe from 1963, since it takes up a giant portion of the screen. Aside from L being a jerk, I do manage to finish the stage, so all seems well for now.


Although I note that this stage has, by far, the most poison I've ever seen in one place, it's easily avoidable, and apparently I'm the only maladroit that runs into it. As a result, the one life I manage to lose was because of my own stupidity... yay stupidity!

Ah! Crazy furniture thief is back, and he has a migraine AND a missing tooth! This is obviously a sign of my wearing him down, and showing how he's loosing his grip on the world that doesn't involve me, and excuse my language here, PWNing him left and right. With such a massive headache, he does the only thing a reasonable person can; he opens another whirlpool/tornado to allow me to advance farther, so that I can beat up more of his minions. There is, however, another stage I haven't been to on this level, so let's check and see what it is!

The answer? Fighting Bobobo, Sakura, Nult and Yugi all at once... though only technically, since Nult, Sakura and Yugi are all the same person. No, it doesn't make any more sense if you play it. They're all P2, and switch back and forth like lightning so they can heal each other with various stage items while I'm struggling to find a damn banana. I do manage to beat the stage, and find that it opens two more stages! This means it'll be even longer before I get to finish this game! Just what I wanted!

I'm off to look for that shotgun, more tomorrow (if I can't find it)!

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