Alright well that wasn't AS bad as I was thinking it would be. Thankfully, since my name is so recognizable (if you'll remember, it's five mountains with a cross shoved into each) I was able to deduce that the first option was likely Bill's computer. After a moment's confusion in which the first option was withdraw and the second one was deposit, I shoved my Spearow into a box where I won't have to gaze upon its hideous visage anymore. I worry about the computer options though... I know one of them has to be 'release pokemon' but I don't know which one... I have the feeling that this is going to bite me in the ass later.
... Well fine then. I checked out a random house, and while the little boy seemed pretty chill with me being there, the little girl pretending to be the teacher yelled a me. Hey, screw you, chickadee, I don't know what it's like where you're from, but the goal of the teacher isn't to scream at children until they run away, contrary to popular belief, it's to keep the children there, and slowly suck away all of their delicious delicious imagination until all that's left is a hollowed-out shell full of broken dreams and thoughts of reality TV so they'll fit in with the rest of the soulless drones that make up our society.
Jeez, in that house even the PIDGEY yelled out me. Well, I can understand being upset about a stranger just strolling into your home, but damn, stop yelling. I'm just looking for someone with whom I can have a pleasant conversation! If I wanted all this yelling, I would have stayed home. You know what, come to think of it, maybe I WILL go back home, and marry Green's sister. She's pretty chill, and in a world where ten year olds are deemed old enough to roam a world full of dangerous monsters, I don't see why I can't marry this little and settle down somewhere peaceful where there's no yelling, and live a quiet life in solitude. I mean, it's not like I actually go to school or anything, or else I wouldn't get away with all this truancy, now would I?
Well it looks like I ran into the man that teaches you to catch pokemon... which leads me to believe that the Missingno trick works here. I can only hope, because I want my "x dancing flower 0" Master balls! But this early in the game, that's clearly not going to happen, and so I just have to watch a pixelated old grandpa catch an inquisitive Weedle wearing a big clown nose. Apparently he was getting ready for his trip to clown school when he heard a noise and came to investigate. Poor thing... he's going to be spend most of the rest of his natural life in a tiny little ball now, probably stuck up on the old man's shelf somewhere. Never will he achieve his dream of joining the circus and traveling to new and interesting places and entertain the masses, basking in the laughter and smiles of small children that scream until their parents take them to see the first ever Weedle-clown. Ah, such is life, as they say.
Where was I? Oh yeah, the old guy seemed to scream the lesson at me... but I think I'll forgive him for it, since he's old, and likely deaf, so he probably has no idea how loud he's shouting.
With Bulbaderp up to level 12, I decide to work on some of my catches... You know, when I was grinding Bulbasaur, I could NOT run into anything over level 3, and the ONLY Nidoran females and Rattatas I encountered were level 2... not so now that I'm leveling my level 2 Nidoran female. Now everything is level three and above, and she is getting her ass handed to her... or at least the lower half of her potato handed to her, however you want to look at it. I have to keep splitting her experience with another pokemon, and MAN is that making this take longer than it should!
Little known fact... God is a level 3 Pidgey. I'm not kidding, it took ALL of my low level, freshly caught pokemon to kill it. I pulled them all out before it could kill them, but Jeebus, it was fast, faster than my Pidgey of equivalent level, and it was FIERCELY powerful. This leads me to believe that as soon as a pokemon is put into a ball, it loses all of its fighting spirit, and its stats take a nose dive. I base this on absolutely nothing, but why the hell else would that thing have raped my Pidgey, at the same level, caught in the same exact spot. (Remember kiddies, this game predates the nature system, so for example saying I caught a 'pussy' natured Pidgey, while that was a 'rapemonster' natured Pidgey really isn't applicable here) Either way, it was a dick, and I should have gotten WAY more than the paltry 14 experience I received for beating its face in.
Friggin' Rattatas! How do they work?! With FAR more intelligence than I had ever thought the computer capable of, I just had a Derpata sit here and Tail Whip my defence down to nothing so it could one-hit kill me. What the hell is up with that? While it's a well-known fact that the computer cheats like a dirty whore, it's not supposed to be SMART, and and down right SNEAKY! Bastards. I'm starting to think my poor poison bunny (female) will never level up with how often she's biting it. And by 'it' I don't mean that CERTAIN part of the Nidoran male body. Wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more.
You know, maybe I've been playing too much SoulSilver, but the graphics for these trees look like they have apricorns on them. It makes me want to walk over and shake them like babies in order to get at their delicious pokeball-creating secrets. Of course then you'd have to travel to a country... island? province? prefecture?... that doesn't exist yet in order to find a man that hasn't been created yet in order to make them into pokeballs for you, but if decades of video games have taught me anything, it's that this is TOTALLY possible... Or failing that, ANY old man will do, because they're old and crafty, and know how to do THINGS... super secret SPECIAL things, that we children couldn't possibly fathom...
Did it just get creepy in here? Believe it or not that was not ENTIRELY my intention. I just meant to reference the fact that it's almost always old men you go to in order to learn any obscure fighting style, technique, or art and craft, such as pokeball construction (Pokemon GSC/HGSS) or Bum Rush (Sabin/Mash's final Blitz in Final Fantasy 6), or the Kamehameha (Goku's signature move in Dragon Ball) ... though how the hell one is taught a Hawaiian king, I'll never quite understand.
And is it just me, or do those barriers on either side of the road look like pills? Or possibly capsules? Maybe even marshmallows... Whatever they are, it makes you wonder why the hell people randomly stuck pile-ons into dry ground, and then never bothered to put anything on top of them. Was this all under water hundreds of years ago, and these barriers are in fact the ancient remnants of previous society? Or are the road developers just dicks? It's up to you to decide, boys and girls.
I know I'm babbling about inconsequential crap, but I just don't know how to make my level grinding at all humorous or interesting... so in light of this fact, I think I'll just call it here, and come back when everyone is level fifteen. I'll give you the highlights when I get back. Until next time, pokeboys and girls, and remember... cardboard cutout Spearow watches you sleep!
No comments:
Post a Comment