Where we last left off, I had just beaten the Elite 4, and there was a giant city that sprang up out of the ground before I could fight the champion. N crazied off into the city, and I was just being forced by someone who claims to be the greatest Pokemon trainer in the world to go and follow him, who was backed up in this opinion by someone who claims to be my childhood friend.
This is bullshit, but I guess I have no choice. I follow the stairs up into one of the single least friendly places I have ever seen in my gods damn life.
And am met by some of the silliest looking people I have ever seen in my life.
I'm pretty sure they're all members of The Knightly Order of Plasma, and I really hope I don't have to battle these old knuckleheads before I move on to the inevitable final showdown. Things are just starting to look like they're heading that way, when suddenly, as if from nowhere!
Bananas! Thousands of them!... Wait, I mean gym leaders! And now we outnumber you bastards, so it would be in your best interest to step the heck down and go away, got it?.. They don't got it. But at least now I'm free to do what I like, and I think that'll involve wandering away from them.
I head to the left and follow the path along until I reach a set of stairs heading upward, which I take, and then enter the first door I see, which turns out to be a dining room full of Plasma Squires. To my amazement none of them want to fight, but that's ok because I should probably keep my strength for the time being. After a few more steps down the hall someone begins to talk to me,
and it's one of those fucking ninjas. He points me toward a door I would have gone into anyway, and I'm shown into...
N's... Harem? Ummm... Ok, now I'm starting to think with all of the people here that this place wasn't some sort of ancient ruin, but more likely it's N's house... That's not a bad thing, but it does make me wonder why his home was underground all this time. Moving on though, the chick with the pink hair heals my party, thank god, and the one with the yellow hair babbles at me about N for some time before finally shutting the hell up.
The next room had nothing in it but a couple of Plasma goons, and what I think is some sort of healing item. Moving on we round the bend and take the stairs up to the next floor, then take the first door we see.
Well it is a pretty useful little room, but I'm not going to need it right now, and I continue on down the hall. The next room has what may or may not have been a Max Revive in it, and a few more Plasma people wandering around aimlessly and doing nothing, so back out we go.
The next room has something rather interesting. There's a Plasma goon standing on each side of a fireplace, and the one on the right will teleport you out to the Pokemon center on the #0000FF plateau... Bet you thought I had forgotten about that joke, didn't you? Anyway, the other one gives you some sort of Pokeball, but I don't know what sort, so it's a non-issue.
Toward the next set of stairs we trudge, but before we can get all the way up we're greeted by another one of these jerks.
Do these ninja seriously have nothing better to do than appear before me and give me helpful advice? He only says one or two things anyway, but the second I head up the stairs he reappears and give me more "useful" information, and points me toward a bedroom. Oh boy, is this a freaking guided tour, or is this just something you do for everyone walking down the halls? "And to your left, you'll see where N went potty when he was six... No flash photography... or use of Flash."
...
So yes, I may not have been too far off from my guess, as this seems to be N's bedroom. The thing in the middle of the ramp is a Rare Candy, for those of you who might like to know, and I suspect that would be all of you. I like the setup. It has everything a growing boy could need. Trains, toy air planes, a half pipe, a half court... Oh yeah, it's just missing one thing, and that's a BED!
Well, time to move on to the next room where find another dining table, that's about seven so far, and a zero count on things to sleep on. There's an item, but I can't figure out what it was, so I move on to the next room, where this is still no bed. Well, it's up the next set of stairs to a new floor where this time there is a single door, which looks like the sort you should save before heading in to, so we'll do that really quick.
That's when this asshole appears... six Pokedollars, or whatever the hell the money is in these games, says that this dink is N's father, or twin brother, or something. He babbles on about nothing at all, or possibly the true question to the meaning of life, and I have quite honestly reached a point where I would have made him swallow a Pokeball then tried to hit the release button, if he were doing this to me in real life. He finally shuts the hell up, and I save again just in case, because I never want to do that again.
In the next room I...
see that N has left quite a lot of information out of our conversations... Or at least in a language I can understand, which is just as bad I guess. I start to walk over the freaking BRIDGE in his THRONE ROOM, but he comes to meet me half way... How nice of him to come down to the level of us common people.
And then, awesomeness happens.
The black Pokemon flies in and shows us how freaking awesome he is, and I really wish I had access to a video of the little scene that plays, but it looks like he has a jet turbine in his butt. This is of course where most people keep theirs, but on a Pokemon it's pretty cool as well. The white orb-ish thing I have flies up into the air as he is in the middle of talking, and sucks in... I don't really know, ham perhaps?
It's at this time that I take some of the worst pictures that I have ever taken, trying to show you how awesome it looks.
See?
Isn't that just awesome? And blurry. Awesome and Blurry.
Anyway, I have a feeling that I'm about to have to battle this thing... why?
Call it a hunch.
Thankfully I'm given the chance to save, and I do before the battle begins.
This thing looks like it's going to be tough, but I'm willing to see if Vic can handle it...
That was actually one of the simplest battles and catches I've ever had... Two uses of Psychic from Vic, and then one ultra ball, and it's mine. It's called Reshiram, and I think I'm going to leave it like that... because there's no room for Whitey, and that annoys me.
The cool thing is that after I beat him, it looks like it's giving me the option to send one of my party back to the Pokemon center, so I can have him with me for the next battle... Time to say bye bye Sqirk, my HM whore, and welcome... the name I said earlier. Whitey.
Interestingly enough, it looks like N fully heals my party as soon as I'm done with that, since I guess he wants a fair fight... which starts instantly. He instantly sends out Zekrom (I looked it up, sue me,) and I find myself on one side of a battle of the titans.
Oh my god, do I wish I could get pictures of their attacks for you. When I say they're epic, I mean they're epic. Sadly, so are the rest of his Pokemon, and I spend the majority of the battle trying to keep my party alive. Once I have Reshiram up and running, though, things start going in my favor for a little while. Many, many revives, max revives and full heals later, I'm stuck at a stalemate with this jerk.
My only hope is that eventually he runs out of what I think is Hyper Beam, and I'm allowed to hit him... even once would be enough... and that's what happened, god knows how many rounds later on. I finally take him out, and then...
What? Are we supposed to be friends now? Well that's sure as hell not happening, Scooter. Take your stupid hat and go to hell!... Ok, that's probably going too far, he was raised in a pretty goddamn strange place, by what seems to be a totally insane man in a bath robe... Yeah, I take it back, your hat is cool and you should leave it behind while you GO TO HELL!
I'm hoping that's it, when suddenly, Captain Silly Bath Robe sneaks up behind me like a gods damn ninja on roller skates. He talks to N, and at this point I really am guessing that he is N's father, but that's only because I think both of their hair is green, and in Pokemon that's enough of a reason... or not. Once again he talks for thirty-two hours, and I see that the guy with the silly hair and Cheren are back, having come in now that they thought all of the danger had passed.
He heals my party back to full, and I find that I'm suddenly drawn into battle with him...
And he doesn't look any less stupid close up. His Pokemon are also REALLY high level, and I wasn't allowed to save! Oh goody!
The first Pokemon he sends out is a Desukan two levels higher than the legendary I just caught, but it's ghost type, so here's hoping its psychic attack can do some good... It does not, but his fire attack is pretty good, even if it does have horribly low PP. I kill that, but afterward he sends out his afro buffalo, which is a pain in the ass and kills my new legendary. the next one is a Gamageorge, which manages to totally murder my Pigno, but I take out with, of all people, Dunky... who dies instantly at the hands of whatever the hell this is.
That fight... Took roughly 20 full restores, 5 full revives, and he still has two Pokemon left...
Which were both dark/steel, I think, and two blasts of fire took them out... That was a Kirikizan and a Shibirudon, by the way.
After the end of the battle, the man in the silly robe seems taken aback by my victory over him... As am I, buddy, as am I. The "Pokemon champ" approaches him and speaks to him about something, while N looks away in what I can only assume is shame, and it's about time. The conversation bounced back and forth between the people there, and it seems heated, so I guess it's about something other than Taffy... Which means that I'm not interested in it. Once that's done, the "Champ" and Cherren approach the man in the silly robe and take him away... Yeah, because when I think big, tough, and muscle bound, I think the skinny kid with glasses who looks like he should be on the cover of "Nerds Weekly."
After they leave, N says something and gets uncomfortably close again, and we both slowly walk up toward his throne... Very slowly... Insufferably slowly, with lots of talking which I don't understand or care about. I see that his throne has not magically grown back from where Zekrom flew in through the wall, and that's good because as is true to life, thrones take a very long time to grow back. He throws out his Pokeball, releases Zekrom, and then apparently starts to read me the ending credits.
We're then treated to a cut scene of N flying off on his tiny god, and sent to the end.
But we all know that's not the real end to a Pokemon game, don't we dear readers? With that in mind, tune in tomorrow and I'll see what the hell is going on, and if I can scavenge up anything neat.
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