I run into a house and talk to someone and they give me another fishing rod... I have no idea which of these are better, but usually it goes old, good and then super, so I'll hold onto it and shove the others in my box.
So I looked it up, and this is actually the Good Rod, not the Super Rod, so I'mma stuff it. While I'm bouncing around, I head back to Cerulean and trade the Poliwhirl I caught for this:
"Mammy! Oh Mammy! Do you love me now, Mammy
?!" That's Japan for you ladies and gents, racism is funny because they have no frame of reference for it. Or they just don't care. Either way, Aunt Jemima is going in a box never to be seen again. I toyed with the idea of leveling up a Slowpoke so he'd evolve into a Slowbro, since someone asked for one, but... too much work. I'll do it when I've got the Rare Candies for it. So with that in mind, I go back to some mindless leveling. I should probably get my Pokemon up to level 45 in preparation for the gym, but... I dunno. I might just get them all up to 42 and then fly by the seat of my pants. I do that a lot, actually.Oh crap weasels... I'm going to have to do the Safari Zone, aren't I? Poooooooooooooooooooop!
So you remember how I said that I'd hit level 42 and call it a night? Yep. Time to take on that gym! You know this is gonna be a bad ass gym, because there's a lot of guys with Mohawks. Um... so you remember the guy that I said was a Wobbuffet in a man suit? I lied, he was a Wynaut in a man suit. I've found the Wobbuffet in a man suit.
Dude, he has a lollipop in one hand and a freaking whip in the other. What the HELL Gamefreak?! A lollipop, a whip, small animals and frequent heated interaction with small children. If he has anything that inflicts sleep or paralyze, then I quit. I'm SO not kidding right now. I will end the review here. As it turned out, he had two Arboks and a Sandslash... so it looks like I'm still stuck here... er... I mean you're still stuck with me... uh... Have I told you that you're looking extraordinarily beautiful?
Vegeta isn't though... is that a diaper on his head? Either way, as is his idiom, Vegeta yells at me for like five minutes before the fight starts... actually now I think about it, that's actually REALLY quick for him. Huh...
And this is clearly Dragonball GT style Vegeta, given the buzz cut... Which might also explain why he's playing along with the gym and cock fighting game rather than just squishing. While I've never seen GT, and refuse to, I've heard they took away a lot of his angry Vegeta-ie glory, and just made him into a disgruntled midget.
... Apparently, I just gave Muk an enema. The animation for what I think is Hydro Pump seems to just be a bunch of geysers popping up under the enemy Pokemon, so... yeah... geyser enema attack!
I beat Vegeta with surprising ease, and he yells at me some more, likely promising revenge, or something,and then gives me TM 6. Good for him. Well that gym was a big let down... was it as unsatisfying for you?
Aw, bloody hell! I have to do the Safari Zone now, don't I? Balls! BALLS, I SAY! ... No, not my Raichu, just balls in general.
I hate the Safari Zone. Why can't I just attack the wild little murderers with my tame little murderers and then chuck balls at their heads until they get trapped? This throw rocks/treats at them is bull shit. The only good news so far is that I got Surf... and now my Gyarados is a fish. The important thing here though, is that this means all I have to do is get to Cinnabar Island, and then the Missingno trick is mine!
Well that was boring and tedious. The worst part is that I'm probably going to go back in and try to catch some of the Pokemon... because I hate myself, apparently. Anyway, I think I got the McGuffin, so let me go talk to that one guy that yelled at me a while ago and has a rock in his house blocking the access to an item. Something tells me that I get Strength out of this, and I'm fine with that.
I was right. Sadly only Gyarados could learn it, so I had to axe Bite. Oh well. After clearing up my computer a bit and selling off some crap, I decide that the Safari Zone can blow it out its ass, and head off to pick some stuff up. I know there's a bunch of stuff I can get now that I have Surf, but space is at a bit of a premium in my computer right now, and I think I'm gonna wait a bit to go pick up some more TMs that I may or may not use. After a quick stop in Celadon, I head back to Fuchsia and take to the water. It's while I'm taking on one of the trainers on this route, when I get this thrown at me:
That's... that's pretty horrifying right there. I can't quite pinpoint what it is, but I'm pretty sure this thing is going to haunt my dreams for some time. Later I run into this malevolent shit:
He looks like a mean little UFO...a mean little uncaring UFO with his apathetic little shrug. After him, another trainer gives me this little surprise:
Unlike his preeveolution, Seadra doesn't look like a poorly made cake. He actually looks a bit fierce... not VERY fierce, but at least serious. So kudos to him.
Well booger. I was going to try to book it to Cinnabar so I could get to work on duplicating my Master ball, but it looks like I HAVE to go through the Seafoam islands. Booger times two! Well, I can always just avoid Articuno and come back for him later. What? I don't feel like throwing ten million Ultra balls at him while he just laughs at me. On the upside, I've managed to catch a Horsea and a Shellder, both of which I needed, and I think that takes care of all of the water Pokemon I needed to catch.
Oh son of a whore, it's the damn 'push rocks down the right holes' puzzle!! I HATE these things!! Yes, I'm going to sit here and whine about it. Go ahead and skip to the next paragraph if you don't want to deal with it, I won't blame you.
You know, I have to wonder what these water Pokemon are doing on dry land here. I mean, not just things like Psyducks and Slowpokes, which are clearly equipped for land and water, but I just ran into a freaking Staryu. Is it just... laying there on the cave floor, slowly suffocating? And if it is, how the hell did I NOT see it, and avoid it entirely?
On the topic of things usually found in the water, I run into this:
It's not very durpy... in fact, it's kinda cute. I like him... I won't USE him, but I'm gonna try to catch him, and then stick him in a box. Hahahahahahahaha! The next thing I run into is a Seel, and while its evolution is cute and perfectly fine looking, it looks like this:
I tried to catch it, but I killed it instead. Still, that was pretty hilarious looking. Though I wonder where his lower jaw went...
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! Holy SHEET! So I'm wandering around this stupid dungeon, bitching about it, and then all of a sudden I get THIS:
What... what's WRONG with that thing? It looks like they crossed some kind of ray with a freaking chupacabre, or something. That thing is down right HORRIFYING! What were they thinking?! Well, regardless of all that, I catch it, and have every intention of letting it rot in a box for the rest of its life. Moving right along!
I manage to get to Articuno's platform, and while I didn't intend to encounter him, I figured, what the hell. I saved, and if I can't catch him, then I'll just reset. As it turns out, he's really very pretty:
He looks kinda smug... likely because he's level fifty and the highest level people in my party are level forty-four. Woops. And then I killed him. Double woops. Oh well, that's the magic of saving before a legendary battle. I'll come back for you later, homie. I get out of the dungeon with minimal flailing and dyslexia. Time to continue on my way to Cinnabar... I'll come back to this baby.
So after a long, annoying trip, I make it to Cinnabar Island, and heal up. Now I head to head back out on the water and find the last of the trainers. It sucks, but I need the leveling... My only consolation is that soon I won't need the money. Mwahahaha.
So after TWENTY MINUTES of trying to get the goddamn thing to show up, and getting NOTHING, I find that I can't do the trick if I've just started up the game, because something something, grass patch. So I run into a grass patch, kill a Rattata, and then fly back to Viridian, talk to the old man, fly back to Cinnabar, start surfing along the coast, and chase the cat that ate the rat, that stole the cheese in the house that Jack built.
So after twenty MORE minutes of trying to get this bullshit to work, and various instances of research, the intelligence I NOW have is that it doesn't work... and if by some miracle you DO get it to work, even SEEING Missingno will corrupt your save file. So I'm going to save, turn off the game... and then TEAR THE CARTRIDGE APART WITH MY TEETH!!!... Alright, no I won't, but I WILL cry, and then spend at least a day just level grinding my Persian, since I get money when it hits things. I'm also going to need to start leveling up either Gastly or Drowzee, since they're the two with sleep attacks... and then I'll buy a couple thousand Ultra balls, and get to work on getting the birds... After I do whatever ridiculous McGuffin quest needed for the gym here, that is.
So in the interest of catching the legendary birdies, and making catching Pokemon easier besides, I decide to work on level grinding ether my Gastly or my Drowzee... only to find out that I haven't CAUGHT a Drowzee. Oops. Well as it turns out one of the places where they often appear is actually a good place to level my Gastly, since the random encounters are about his level. Of course, now that I'm LOOKING for a Drowzee, NONE are showing up. Oh irony gods, why do you mock me?
Guess what I found out!!! I managed to pick up the TM that teaches Payday.. and Raichu can learn it! I can smack people with my Balls and coins will fall out! BEST discovery EVER! So needless to say, he learns it, and my Persian goes in the box. Nothing personal kitty, but I REALLY don't need a normal type that can't learn any HMs on my team.
While I'm futzing with my box, I decide to evolve some Pokemon that use stones just to get them out of my computer. Since you only get three Moon Stones in the game, I had a bit of a dilemma deciding which three I'll evolve, but ultimate I've decided on Clefairy, Nidorino and Nidorina. Why not Jigglypuff? Because I got a picture of Wigglytuff and he's fucking SCARY! I don't want one, thank you. Besides, since I haven't run into a Nidoking or a Clefable, this will be a good picture opportunity. You've already seen Nidoqueen, so BEHOLD! The glory of Nidoking!
He looks like a Godzilla monster made out of marshmallows!! Look at his teeth! He only has like, two on top! I guess this means Farfetch'd rot your teeth. Well, it's like my dad once said... Candy is dandy, but Fran won't rot your teeth...
What? Shut up, I'm straight, I SWEAR!
*cough* Moving right along, Clefairy evolves into:
You know what? He only looks SLIGHTLY more derptastic than the current incarnation of Clefable. In light of this, I feel that I made the right choice on who to evolve, and I'm feeling pretty good right now. Time to throw this crap back in boxes and pull out something else to evolve.
I got out the water types to evolve, and while Starmie and Cloyster look about the same as always, this is my other Water Stone evolution:
Stoned, doughie, wall-eyed frog monster got MAD! He's so angry the spiral
on his chest distorted. Why so mad, Poliwrath? Too many people beat up your previous incarnation for its lunch money? I understand though, I'd rage too if I spent any amount of time looking like THAT.The last creature that evolves with stones, that I currently have, is of course Eeve, and I have a left over Thunder Stone and a left over Fire Stone. To decide which one I would use, I called my friend and had her ask her ten year old son. He said to use the Thunder Stone. I hear and obey, little dude.
What? Who BETTER to ask than a ten year old? It's who the game was originally marketed to, after all, and further more this kid is AWESOME... and I just might feel a teensy bit bad about the fact that I keep destroying him utterly when I battle him in Pearl... not bad enough to stop, but bad enough to let him decide how to evolve my Eevee. Because there's kindness, and then there's just plain stupidity.
So in those random "Oh screw you!" catching moments, after trying to get Articuno... I don't even KNOW how many times, I keep putting him to sleep, and get him down to one hit point, but then he stops going to sleep and kills my Haunter. So I bring in Gyarados to soak damage while I heal up Haunter, and decide to let Articuno kill Gyarados, so I won't have to take an attack when I bring Haunter back in, but all of Gyarados' attack would kill Articuno, so I threw a ball, expecting the bird to break out and fuck off... and it damn well CAUGHT him. SCREW YOU ice bird!
I'm actually going to call it here and hold off on the Cinnabar Gym because what was a couple random paragraphs for you, was like, an entire week of level grinding for me. So until next time, remember... I'm just no good without you.
... It's in my soul! Mr. New Vegas
in my SOUL!!!! GET IT OUT!!!!!!
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