We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, February 12, 2011

Mother (Earthbound 0) - Day 15 (In which teleportation makes you blurry.)

Ok, let's see if I can give a detailed explanation of what the hell happened between this and last week's post, while power leveling... or trying to, at least.

It seems that the magic hole in the wall in the magic sky kingdom no longer takes me out next to Twoson, or Threed, or whatever it is, but instead takes me back out into the desert. This is something I did not know, and let me tell you, when I walked out and was instantly attacked by not one, but TWO labia scorpions, I was less than pleased, and may have peed just a little bit in surprise. Cue me running through the desert back to a town with a save point and hospital, since most of my party (two out of three) were dead. I then wandered in and out of the desert, trying to level up if only a little before starting to write this review for the week.

2 levels for Paula later, and 1 each for Jeff and Ness, and I'm still unable to stand toe to pincer with the labia scorpions, but at least I'm able to kill the new sombreros with only a little work. and that children, is the story of how I saved Christmas from the spacemen...

I'm a little tired, if you couldn't guess, so this should be an interesting update if we're lucky.

Anyway, out of the magic sky kingdom we come, and now that I've made it back to this area alive, I follow the tracks to the east, and damn it's a long way to travel through monsters I can barely fight. After a while, something worth note does end up happening to me,

Ooh, coniferous.
Which is that we have a new tree sprite. Not sound that interesting? Well you aren't the one that's been walking along a featureless plane for the past six minutes, getting attacked by angry Frisbees. It's shortly after that, that we come to the next interesting thing, which would be...

Less-Than-Grand Not-At-All-Central Station.
Obviously it's either a train station, or some sort of industrial artwork, I can't decide. If it's a train station then it sucks because it only goes one way, and the bridge is out before the next town, so it can't go anywhere. If it's industrial art?... Well, then it still sucks, because it makes you walk through the land of death and evil to see that you're pretty much fucked... so yes, this is industrial art.

And to really hit the point home, five feet past the building and I'm attacked by an entire fleet of straw boaters, which kill off Paula quite soundly.

Perfect! Hold that noncorporeal pose...
I think I'll call that picture, "Angel in the Grass," since it sounds much less like a news headline than "Dead Ten Year Old Girl Found in Forest Clearing." But then again, you never know... Mouthwash Guy.

I walk just a little bit more and I come across what is either a level of Donkey Kong Jr, only in 1/4th scale, or quite possibly the world's strangest game of live action Tetris.

Are you sure she's not playing Connect Four with a ghost?
I swear to fucking god, you never get that long thin piece when you really need it. Just look at Jackie Onassis below it, looking pissed off, and rightly so if you ask me. But as a wise man once said, sometimes life hands you pickled turtles, and you had better eat them if you want your shrimp ice cream for dessert.

... Did I mention I'm tired?

So I continue along my way to the south, west, whatever, and come to a rather rural town... something strikes me as a bit off about it, I've got to admit... hmm, what could it be?

Rainy season must suck for the people who live around here.
What could it be... The over grown grass? Maybe. The fact that it was built in the middle of a forest? Nah, maybe they're all just elves... The fact that there are no adults in this town? Nah, happens all the time... No wait, that's the one that bothers me, because the only other building I've found so far is a freaking church. Thankfully I'm not seeing any corn, yet.

The other thing about this town that bothers me? No hospitals at all, I man, not even a creepy old man who will raise the dead for you. Where's a damn witch doctor when you need one? While this town has no witch doctor, it does have...

I don't think we've had a giant robot that uses 'Sausage Beam!' as an attack. Get on it, Japan.
Some sort of combination ray gun/sausage... Well, the sausage talks to me, but it babbles at me, so I'll try to speak to it with my mind. That's normally the answer to any problem in this game.

The sausage seems to have taught Nes a PSI power, when I was expecting it to sing me a song. That's odd, but I'm hoping that it's a god damn revive spell so that I can get my dead team member back. I head to a house in the north east to heal up before I give the spell a shot...

Nope, the sausage showed me how to teleport. See?

Man, that's pretty late in the game for Return spell.
This is probably the single most useful ability I've gained as the game went on, but at the same time it requires at least twice the length of the teleport in Earthbound to work, so it's extremely unlikely that I would be able to use this in an emergency if I wanted to get back to somewhere to heal. Still, this does give me the chance to go back and try to find those bits of music I missed so far, which is either two or three notes on my screen.

Three down, five to go! Maybe those first two will be easy.
Thank you magical ray gun sausage, you are truly better than all of us.

That's it for today, tomorrow we'll go and track down those missing bits of song!

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