Now, without farther doodoo, let's make our way east into a land full of what I'm sure are monsters that are just waiting for an excuse to rip out my liver and wear it as a hat! Yay!
Not much so far, just a walk over a bridge which changes the landscape from pine forest instantly into barren plane. It also changes the music from what I can only describe as "8-bit techno rave," to, "generic 8-bit traveling music," which I have head since the start of the game and am just about sick of.
Then there's the guy on the bridge. He's just chillin', doesn't do or say anything important, just bein' a dude. That picture is taken right on the spot where the music switches over, so if you're reading this and plan to play this game at some point, there would be a good place to hit the mute button.
From our current position we head up and east, then over another bridge to the east. From there we head up and east, then we take another bridge to the east... from there we head... up and take a bridge to the east. I guess the designers got bored here, or just really weren't that big on variety. From here we head... oh my god! We head DOWN and to the east, which brings us to a nice little hovel.
At least the hovel has a trash can... Or possibly that's the bathroom, it's hard to tell. I guess I'll try talking to or opening the trash can because hey, it's been a long time since I've been mauled by a possum.
Ok... I'm not sure what's up with the trashcan, but I think that Oscar the Grouch is asking me something very personal. I see "Jeff" and "Ness" mentioned, and then it brings up this screen right here.
Which might be asking me some sort of important question, something grave and dire that I need to answer correctly, while the entire fate of the world hangs in the balance!
I never really liked the world anyway.
I head inside of the house to have a look around, and I would swear that the girl in here is the same one I rescued from that graveyard early in the game. It makes me wonder, but not for long since she provides a full refill of health and PP on demand, which makes her freaking awesome.
Now it's back to wandering aimlessly in the wilderness with my awesome self. To my surprise and delight, the path seems to lead to the south west from here, and I am so elated by the change in direction that I take a moment to weep openly... Just kidding, I chew on a cinnamon stick, which makes my eyes water slightly.
I just start enjoying the new route, when I'm attacked by:
Well, at least there's absolutely no guessing as to what that monster is. It's a crocodile, and it wants me dead... Or maybe it's a gator... Which one has the pointy snout? Right, a cow. So this cow is another violent and angry god of death, doing about 34 damage to Jeff in a single hit. We do manage to take him down, but that's not saying much since his belly already drags the ground as it is.
It's only a few more steps that I run into another new, and frightening set of monsters:
Well if it isn't Ba'al and his cousin Ba'ob. With their appearance, I find myself for the second time in my life uttering the phrase, "the bison are raping me!" and they are doing so with gusto. It took about six rounds and a massive pile of healing to do it, but I did manage to take them down... Damned if I know how.
It is literally two steps away when I run into what is likely the most frightening thing I have seen in the game:
THEIR HEADS ARE PHALLUSES AND THEIR BODIES ARE MADE OF TENTACLES! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!... Huh... actually, they weren't that hard to beat. Sure, Ness got a crit or two along the way, but whatever works, right? To top if off, Jeff gained a level, which is always good.
A bit farther south from that fight, continuing to the southwest, I come to a bridge leading to the east... I guess things couldn't stay interesting forever, but at least the tentacle monsters didn't get me...
Ok, I can't tell you what route to take to get out of this area. It's the worst maze I've found yet in this game, but I will try to simplify it by telling you that to get through this mangled conglomeration of water ways, you must head east. Also, while going through it I've noticed the tentacle monsters have a rather frightening habit of only attacking Paula... but I guess we can only shake our heads and say 'Goddammit Japan,' and move on.
So we follow the path north, and then take a bridge to the west when we see it, which eventually leads us out to a dirt path... I like dirt paths, because they almost always lead to:
A city!!! Thank the gods, and what the hell is a Live House? Could they mean "Live Nudes"? Because if they do, then sign me the... goddamn it, I'm ten, I'll never get past the Flash guarding the door... Le Sigh.
Anyway, That's it for today, because I think it's going to take me a little while to figure out what in the name of a fish called Wombat I'm doing here. More tomorrow, gang!
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