If I remember correctly Mash is upset that no one is mourning the king, and is instead arguing over which brother should take the throne? I don't remember, either way, mourning Mash (it sounds like something they'd serve in a public school, doesn't it?) cheers himself up by striking a pose:
I can only assume the text under that says something about him punching everyone. I dunno.
And then he... drops to one knee in front of Edgar... Did this suddenly get all creepy fan fiction up in here? I mean, their mother's watching and everything...
I don't think he saw her there... and she says something, so the Figaro boys spring apart and apparently Mash hits his mom? I mean, she WAS knocked back a couple steps... Someone says something, Edgar feels bad, and then Mash seems to hit her again and then run off. Um... I'm wondering if I should narrate this scene like a bad fan fiction... let me throw chops to decide. That Guy has failed in defending you, gentle readers, so now here is the Figaro cut scene as a bad fan fiction:
You know what, no, I can't. I just... ew, no, I can't. I'll leave it up to you guys to try to keep that out of your head as you see fit. I'm going to go back to playing the game now.
Sadly there's more, and now the Figaro boys are alone on the top of a tower... and Edgar feels bad. Goddamn it guys, stop feeding the creepy fangirls!
Edgar seems to be considering my request while Mash is... disappointed by it? Mash, you um... you just got REALLY creepy hun... I knew I should have brought Gau instead...
Well that scene seems to have ended with a coin toss, so I'm going to assume Edgar was trying to decide whether or not to grant my request. It seems that the coin said he should, and we're back in the present and the two Figaros talk for a bit, and both feel bad... Sorry I didn't get a picture, they're adorable when they do. They have a moment... I won't tell you what kind, and then they come back together and I can control the party again. Now back to looting.
I head down to find the stairs where that one old man blocked my path earlier... and he STILL blocks my path when I try to head down. Hey, fuck you buddy, I'm your KING! That makes this MY castle! I can go where ever the shit I want! The old fart seems unimpressed with any of this information and I wander down the other set of stairs to see if I can find anything over there. I don't find anything new or special, which tells me it's time to go talk to that old man and answer his question with the top option, whatever it is. This seems to cause the castle to sink into the sand and start moving. Rock sauce. We get to the new location and... I STILL can't get down those stairs. Oh I'll get down there eventually, you giant tool, you just wait and see...
I head out to explore the new area and find new enemies... that I can steal hi-potions from. Fuck. Yeah. I'll uh... I'll see you guys in a few, Locke has some work to do...
So in the new area, we have some palette swap Vegas... and they have this attack that throws rocks at your party and inflicts a whole bunch of status conditions, not the least of which being Confusion. What happens when they do that?
Yep. I could have used Edgar to revive the others, but I was more worried about getting another face full of status conditions and EVERYONE dieing. Shit... which of these damn things are the Phoenix Downs?! I find a town, run into Kage, who isn't interested in my existence (since I have four party members) and then explore a bit. One of the houses I run into gives a flash back, for Locke this time. At least it's not more of the twins being creepy. From what I can see, Locke was hunting treasure with his squeeze, the bridge he was on started to collapse, she pushed him to safety and fell herself, he jumped down after her, and brought her back to town where the magical healing beds made her all better but she... lost her memory? I think? Then her dad kicks Locke out and yells at him, later a thief buddy shows up, talks to Locke, and he leaves town. After that, we're back to the present, Locke feels bad, and I get an Elixir out of the clock. All in all a decent revenge, I'd say. Kick me out? I'll steal your fucking magic clock juice!
I go into another house and check out the basement to see a girl in a bed surrounded by roses... and get another flashback. Wait... isn't that the chick that saved Locke? But... the other flashback ended with her up and walking around, what... I don't... In this flashback the chick seems comatose, Locke feels bad and some old man, her father I guess, screams and jumps around a lot. I have... NO idea what's going on. She was fine in the first flashback! And now...
I dunno... maybe I missed the cut scene that went in the middle here? Who the hell knows? Everyone leaves... and then Celes comes back? I dunno why, but she looks sad, and says Locke's name before we get a fade out. Well in any case, I seem to have gotten all I need from this town, including a treasure chest hiding behind a suit of armor in the dead girl's shrine house that's only accessible through a back door, so I'm calling it a win and heading on.
On a side note, I feel compelled to point out that Mash's giant pecs, while larger than Terra's breasts, they are NOT larger than Celes'... I don't know if that's saying something bad about Terra's chest or about Mash's, but there you go. After all, true booby lovers appreciate them in all sizes... but the jury's still out on whether or not they appreciate them on men. I guess that's a case by case basis...
Anyway, I keep seeing a town that I can't seem to get to... and it's only after I head to another town that I realize I can go AROUND the mountains and get to this place. Oops. I are observant... because I TOTALLY wasn't just walking around in circles, running into a mountain going, "WHERE IS THE TOWN?! It's RIGHT HERE on the freaking map!!!!!!" But that was wrong... it's right there... on the other side of the mountain... It's a GOOD thing I wasn't an idiot and yelled that, huh? Oh look! A bunny!
And in this town of rain... and corpses apparently, there's this:
I think I know what killed all those people, boss. I'm mostly disturbed by the panty shot he's giving us. As I search the area for loot, I find the building I went into is a tower... and so I go up and up and up in search of delicious treasure. I see a drow (sorry I didn't get a picture, I wasn't paying attention) on my way up and think, "Oh boy, this is a mid boss," and after talking to him, I find out I'm right:
You know, I never went to Anatomy 101, but I DID look over my friend's homework before, and I'm pretty sure that stance is completely impossible unless you're floating... and then I still wouldn't recommend trying it. In other news? This fucker's a thief, and stole fifty-six hundred gil from me. Oh it's ON now, mother fucker! I manage to steal a couple things from him in retaliation, and eventually kill him... but he takes out Edgar. Oops.
Oh! Apparently Tina's here, at the top of this tower. Hi Tina!!!!!!!!! *waves frantically*
Alright, so I was wrong... I guess I DON'T need Setzer yet... Everyone has a "Herp derp, dis Tina?" moment and suddenly, as if from nowhere!
This old fogey shows up... You're not going to give me an inventory full of old man drool, are you? Locke talks to him for a second, and then Tina... has a seizure? Followed by jumping up, hopping around the room and then falling flat on her face.
And I REALLY shouldn't be laughing this hard... After that entertaining little episode, the old man starts talking again, and I realize he is in fact... THE GEEZER OF EXPOSITION! Hey buddy, we have a moogle for that, so you just fuck off, kupo. And now we're treated to a trip into the department of back story. It doesn't seem to be very long, and then we get to watch Locke pull Tina across the floor on her FACE, and then THROW her into the bed... cue the laughing again.
After a whole bunch more talking, the old man makes the room flash and gives us some magicite... Sweeeeeeet. Then he turns HIMSELF into magicite. DOUBLE Sweet! You know what this means, right? There's going to be A LOT of level grinding going on really soon.
Man, there sure are a lot of dead espers in this room... this doesn't really bode well for you, Tina my love. I pick up the magicite and...
I give Edgar a cool new pose! Awesome. I don't get any cool new poses for the others, but oh well. I'll live without seeing them. Oh lovely lovely magicite... how do I equip you? Found it! Anyway, I try to leave the room and Cyan and Gau magically appear. Neat trick guys, I thought this was the wrong game for Chimera Wings... and I don't think you two have been here before... Well anyway, we all head down the stairs in a cut scene, so I don't get any level grinding done... I'm not sure if this pleases or annoys me. There's some talking and then I have to make a party that includes Celes and Locke. I'll spare you the picture and just say I'm sticking with the party I've been using... because I already stuck magicite on them.
When I regain control, a ghost apparently gives me a tutorial... on the magicite I guess, and then I start exploring again. Let me point out now that I hate this town... I can get attacked EVERYWHERE... but I can't save or use tents. Sons of bitches. The only upside seems to be that Mash learns FAST... or else the magicite I gave him just has really easy to learn spells (because I'll be dicked if I know what I gave him) and everyone learns in general, but he in specific learns new spells quickly. Locke is sucking hind tit though... he hasn't learned ANY, and Mash is already DONE! You should be ASHAMED of yourself Locke! The meat-headed Punchy McMuffin beat you! Hang your head, HANG YOUR HEAD IN SHAME!
On a completely different note...
Someone seems to have shipped the corpse of Cyan's wife here, I don't know why... but there are random dead bodies all over this town, and no one seems to care... Also none of them have anything on them I can take, and that's really the greatest tragedy.
I think I'll end this on that sad note, since for the next... oh... several hours I'll just be level grinding and teaching everyone spells, and this post is already ridiculously long. I'll hit up any highlights you guys missed, and let you know if anyone else had seizures, or got dragged on their faces. Until then, remember, friends don't let friends read bad FFVI fan fiction. See you later kupo!
Yes I'm still a moogle. Don't think I fucking forgot about it, kupo!
No comments:
Post a Comment