We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 21 (In which islands fly... apparently)

Well, I thought I'd get onto the ship and fuck off, but I get into a cut scene. Oh joy. What the hell do you bitches want now? Meanwhile Gestahl and Kefka are back at the Esper Door:

Where's Shemp? Oh, right, stabbed him.
and the emperor seems surprised that the once lush forest is a shitty cliff face now too. They invade Esper land, Tina feels the cosmos, and then there's an earthquake, and a huge chunk of land floats up into the sky... which is now where Gestahl and Kefka are, instead of esper world:

Aaaand I used my Three Stooges reference a picture too early!
Well I know where my next plot point is, but mostly I want to fuck off. I tried to get a picture of the statues in their non-chibi form, but I failed. Sorry. Apparently it's time to pick a party (Celes is back, by the way) but I don't know if I'll get to skitter off and level, so I think I'm going to add on some bruisers and see what happens. Oh! Apparently the middle option is 'just fly around' or something like that, so I'm off to magic grind. See you in a few.
So I'm back... after a week of work. I hate rage hunting... anyway, time to get my shit together and get to work! Time to go where Kefka's doing dumb shit! on the way we get attacked by:
Gurren Lagann: best robot anime of the last five years. Go watch it.
Is it just me, or do those look an awful lot like Lagann? Well in any case, they're not a big deal, and I'm beating them pretty soundly. The only real threat seems to be that there are a lot of them. Well, as a wise man once said, "Nobody's that fast when waist deep in GMs." ... And if you've played any Dynasty Warriors Gundam, you know it's true. After several battles, nothing happens, so I wander towards the back of the ship and see:

At the time I was arguing that an Evangelion's speed wouldn't help that much against Mobile Suits. It was a nerd argument and I was young- what?
Shit! Some days, you just can't get rid of a squid! Though if he's working for the empire... I hope they didn't pay him very much. The difference in this battle is that he seems to have brought as friend:

It's Chupon/Typhon! Ugly bastard, ain't he?
Clearly ugly runs in pairs around here. Well I kill them, and ugly number two sneezes me off the airship, and... I have to fight more flying magitek thingies on the way down... well shit! I'm wondering how the hell we're standing still and still falling at the same time, though.

I'm sure there's a Beastman somewhere in the middle of that thing.
REALLY starting to look an awful lot like Gunman around here... On a side note.. I seem to have to kill all the faces individually, AND it summons little golden snitches that start some kind of countdown, and are healed by magic. Yay. Apparently the main body starts the countdown, or something... either way I take it out without TOO much trouble, and I get to watch everyone celebrate on thin air. Good times. I wonder what that countdown did... Oh well!

Tina lands on the floating continent on her KNEES, which if you'll remember your laws or inertia, should have shot her knee caps out through her skin like bullets, and ejected the tibia and fibula as well. She jumps up though, so I guess she's alright... hooray video game physics! Not only does she get up, she shows us the serious pose of her people!

Looks to me kind of like the 'Give Granny her cane back you little shit' pose.
... Or potentially it's a knock-kneed "I'm in unimaginable pain" pose... Either or. As I save and nap at the nearby save point so Locke and Mog can reconstruct Tina's legs, I notice:

Shadow did NOT stick the landing.
Our ninja friend is here... and he looks like he might have had too much to drink. I walk over, poke him with a stick, and he wakes up, babbles, and then joins the party. That was awfully prescient of you to only let us take three people, Setzer... are you a wizard? Anyway, I kit Shadow up, and get started on my floating continent adventure! As I walk around, I notice pathways keep opening up, which is good, I guess, but I'm not sure where to go, and wander over to talk to a blue orb. It has this in it:

Shit, he does look like he's lifting up his skirt. Eighteen years and I missed it.
What IS it with giants and showing me their panties? I don't want to see that shit! He's kinda tough, but I manage to take him down after a few rounds. I notice that after talking to the orb, it disappears so... treasure chest? We'll see. Yes, they're treasure chests. Groovy. Also there are proper behemoths, not that Intagir shit here, and... well I don't know if I'm over-leveled or what, but nothing's really bothering me here. (I have beaten the entire game at your party level or lower... -ed.) There are also dragons, you know, proper ones, not that crappy little wannabes you into other places. Also, word on the street... or path anyway... is that you can steal Genji Gloves from them. This would be rather nice, as having two is ok, but having three or even, dare I dream, four would be just lovely. I'm not going to waste TOO much time searching though, since I have shit to do, and all of the Rage/Lore hunting and magic/level grinding has made me run rather late.

I manage to get one and move on with my life. (In case you're wondering why I wanted an extra Genji Glove, it means that I can slap them on Mash, Cyan AND Setzer... and if I give Setzer an offering as well and equip the fixed dice, he turns into a tiny god.) There seems to be only one place I can go at the moment, and I head up some stairs that look like they lead to a teleport platform... Close enough? It swallows me up and then spits me out somewhere else, so on with my treasure-finding ways!

I wander around, step on switches, get eaten by bits of land, wander around in circles, get lost, figure out where I was, try again, back track, try again... you get the idea... and then finally I find:

Good old Atma/Ultima Weapon. His music really is awesome.
A boss battle! However, since he is not Kefka or Gestahl, he's not the main boss battle here so, it's not like I can bounce just yet. You sir, I shall call mid boss. Well... Mid Boss... gets some pretty scary music, and he's pretty scary himself:

So sad they closed that loophole in Final Fantasy VI Advance. SO SAD.
Um... help? He talks for EVER before we get down to business. Let's do this shit! Locke stole something, I think it was an Elixer, and then I Vanish/Death'ed the mother fucker. Ha ha. Then... Shadow fucks off. Damn it! Give me back that esper you bastard!!!

Well on that note, I'm going to call it here, since beating a mid boss seems like a pretty important mile stone before the end of the world. Tomorrow we shall see Giggles McClownpants lose his shit, and destroy EVERYTHING... for funsies. Until then, remember... if you can Vanish a bitch, you can Death or X-Zone it. Goodnight!

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