We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 25 (In which I make promises I don't keep)

So you remember that bird from last week? It led me to a place full of frightfully strong monsters. Not that I'm really complaining, but a sand worm beat me like a redheaded stepchild, and it's not something I really appreciated. Luckily, it had sneezed a couple people out of battle, so that did not end TOO badly for me. I still headed back and hit that asshole with Vanish/X-Zone just to prove my superiority to it though. I head into town and buy some new stuff, before talking to everyone. Some old woman shows me a bunch of places on the map, though I don't know what the purpose of that was. I find a room that seems to be packed with flowers, and there's a chick here, so I can only assume this is somehow relevant to what I'm supposed to be doing. Um... she hops a bit, talks to me, and then puts a letter on the desk. After reading it, Setzer flutters his girly eyelashes and says Cyan's name. I'm asked a yes or no question, so I answer yes... I... guess I should talk to the bird?

I do that, and it takes perhaps the most retarded route I've ever seen to get to another town on the same continent.
I think that bird has been smoking them tweeds. You know, hitting the reefer rock? What I'm trying to say is that the bird is high. In any case, there are monsters to fight, and towns to buy stuff in, so I'll follow the bird eventually. Right now, I think I need to tell you about the desert here. This desert, it's both frightening and AWESOME! It's frightening because:

Weren't these bastards called Hoovers in the US version?
It's awesome because both that horrible thing and the cactuars that are also here drop ten grand, also they give five and ten magic learning points respectively. So the real trick here is, Vanish/X-Zone (or Death) the worms, and either basic Blitz or Drill/Chainsaw or Dice the cactuars. Ta da! Did I mention the sand worms give between like eighteen and twenty-five hundred XP? Because they do, and that's pretty noteworthy. So I wander around in the airship, and in my wandering, I find an old guy in some trees, and he and Mash beat the shit out of each other... I dunno why, but it's kinda funny... and then I missed a hilarious group pose at the end of it... Shit, sorry guys.

I head back to Cid's island to see if I get anything for making sure his old ass lived, but... I apparently don't. There's magicite on the beach though, and that's pretty awesome. I know this is a bit scattered, but when I get the airship I like to screw off and poke everything I can access. It's fun... right up until you find somewhere you're not supposed to be, and then you have to do the 'oh shit fuck fuck' dance... as made famous by Dynasty Warriors (you know, where you have like a sliver of health left and you run like a scared little bitch until your musou fills, run up to the enemy general, unleash it, wash, rinse repeat). To my surprise, the opera house is still there, though it doesn't really seem to have a purpose now, at least not for me.

Since I'm exploring this continent, I move up to the next town, which is not the pigeon town, and head in to check things out. I get some stuff, and visit the auction house. While I'm flying about, I get into a battle with Doom Gaze and kick his ass... Sorry I forgot to grab a picture. I uh... kinda forgot I was playing this for a review and just enjoying myself, sorry. I'm still ignoring the pigeon town, by the way, and now I'm off to try to talk Tina into joining us again. I mean, if Celes and Sabin couldn't convince her, maybe Edgar or Setzer can... But I head back to the city I found her in, and she's not there at all. The girl with the unique sprite is gone too. Damn... Did I do something wrong and lose Tina? I freaking hope not!

Upon my failure to find Terra, I decide to go find someone else, and check out Narshe instead... I know, I know, I'm supposed to follow that pigeon, yeah yeah, but it's not like the damn bird is going anywhere, you know? Narshe is full of monsters now, and there's a ghost in the scholar house, but the rest of the scholars seem to still be there, so it must be ok. The other major change is that monsters will attack you in the streets. A werewolf runs out and babbles something at me, but I'll be damned if I know what, and I continue to look around. Upon not seeing any plot hooks, I head into the mines to check for a few there.

After some traveling, I find Mog, thank goodness, and he actually opens his eyes. I didn't get a picture of it, and it was only for a second, but it was kind weird. He then bounces around for a bit. Yeah, I'm happy to see you too, kupo... Hey... where are all the other moogles, I mean this cave used to be crawling with them, and now you're the only one here... Oooooh.... Awkward... He joins my party anyway, and we bounce out of the dungeon to swap him in for Edgar and get back to work on looking for stuff. I should be able to not only grab Tritoch, but get Umaro too, so let's see what happens.

'You'd best be frozen!' Fighting this thing for real is a pain in the ass.
Apparently this is what happens. Since he actually had a sprite wandering around on the battlefield, I'm going to assume that this is some kind of tough battle and treat it as such... which means I'm going to try Vanish/Death. What? It's not cheating if it's a bug in the game. Also watching Mog cast is ADORABLE!!! I kill the dragon dead, and a message comes up with the number 8 in it... what that means, I don't know, so we move on with our life and try to find Umaro and/or Tritoch. As I frolic in the snow, Mog seems to learn another dance, so rocksauce.

I continue along and finally get to the end of the snowfields and find Tritoch again... and then he flashes at me. STOP FLASHING ME DAMN IT!!! He doesn't seem to like my rejection, and I'm dragged into battle with him:

No, HE'd best be frozen. I'm perfectly fine being my usual, thawed self.
I hope you're getting as tired of seeing him I am. Vanish/Death makes for an anticlimactic battle, and then... I knock the ice off him?

Neat! Never got a good look at that before.
Really? I beat him so hard I reversed cryogenics? Awesome! He talks for ages before he dies, and then once I've gotten his soul... the far edge of the cliff falls off? A-alright... Whatever... but as playing RPGs has taught me anything, it's that there's treasure at the bottom of this cliff, so I'm going to jump off it if it lets me... Yeah, I know, it's amazing that logic like that hasn't lead to my horrible death. I land in a new part of the cave and wander about in search of treasure. One of the chests seems to be full of Tonberries...

Ohhh, SHIT.
This chest is NOT fluffy, it's not fluffy at ALL! Mash doesn't make it out of the battle alive, but that was my fault, because I wasn't paying attention to how hard the things were hitting. Oops. Well anyway, I continue on, and go through a few more rooms before poking some magicite out of a skeleton. This causes a lot of shaking and then a very angry yeti:

Definitely not a Defense Yeti.
Did I mention that he was angry? Because he is, like REALLY angry... His rage however means nothing to me, as, once more, my obsessive stat tweaking and over-leveling allows me to beat him in like... three turns, possibly two. Either way, crunch goes the yeti. The defeat seems to have shaken his confidence though:

See, when FFX-2 came out, I misread the 'Defense Veil' item.
and he looks pretty sad. I'm sorry Mr. Yeti, but I couldn't let you eat my face, you understand, right?

Needed new glasses then. Still wearing the same ones now. Oops!
He seems to once Mog explains it to him in mooglish, and I get a new party member:

Meet I Mi Mu To Zero!
Ha! I remembered the picture this time!

That 'i' is pronounced with a long-E vowel sound, incidentally.
Jeebus, it looks like a sentence all by itself, doesn't it? Either way, after Mog's done talking to him, he stomps off to the ship. Good, we're slowly getting the band back together AND we're getting some new roadies. Good times. The fun trick about Mog though is that I also picked up the Moogle Charm. What does that mean? That means I get to go back to that tower surrounded by mountains and raid it, since I won't have to worry about monsters kicking my ass now... and now that I can change my party, I think I'll also go get Gau... I know, I know, I'm ignoring the hell out of the story, and I really SHOULD go follow that bird, but I remember where it went, it'll be fine! Probably.

The Veldt is, of course, the land that time forgot, and I'm attacked by all manner of pointless, antiquated, easily murdered creatures. Yawn. I DO manage to pick up Gau though, which was the point. I suppose I'll wander about a bit and teach him some new rages, since I'm here... except that it seems that the ONLY thing showing up are crappy World of Balance peon monsters, and I don't just mean they're not the powered up World of Ruin versions, I mean it's crap from like, the beginning of the game that dies if I SQUINT at it too hard. So to hell with this, I'm going to go raid that tower.

As I raid the tower, I run into this:

Holy/Pearl Dragon, I think?
He had his own sprite like the other dragon in the snowfields, and he looks a lot more impressive than that one, so I'm guessing he's at least a LITTLE important. Important or not, Vanish/Death takes care of him, and we'll have no more of that! I get another message with the number eight in it, and then continue on with my life. I raid the last chest, and then head back down the tower, since I don't feel like messing with the boss. Instead I head to Kefka's tower and... can't get in. Alright... I try flying over it and landing on top of the damn thing, which earns me a scene. Come on guys, we're not actually going to FIGHT Kefka, we're just going to rape his tower a bit, relax!

After a bit of running around in frustration and trying to figure out how to get places, I realize that these:

It's hard to determine depth of field for things like that in sprite-land.
are doors. Of course, I've tried to walk into them before, but apparently I wasn't lined up right so it didn't let me in. Anyway, once I figure that out, this becomes a bit easier, since I don't have random encounters, and I can just Warp out when I reach a dead end, and then pop back in to raid another area. I love you Moogle Charm. In my wandering I find this guy:

I'm trying to figure out if the dragon sprites look cute, grumpy, or both.
and decide to fight him, because he looks dragony, and I need to fight all those guys... for some reason. I dunno, but I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to fight all the dragons, so I damn sure will... I just hope Vanish/Death works on him, because I've only got Mog and Setzer in the party for the moment.

I don't think there's anything Vanish/Death doesn't work on in this... up to and including Kefka.
Um... that's a brachiosaurus, not a dragon... I guess they ran out of dragon sprites to palette swap? In case you were wondering, yes, Vanish/Death works. I get another numbered prompt and then Warp out again. You know what never gets tiring? Watching the lead sprite in the first party get a stack of rubble up his ass. They make the freak out sprite as they bounce around, having multiple instances of the aforementioned day ruiner, and then land. It's hilarious. The rest of my raid is pretty uneventful, so I'll spare you the details.

Now that I have a few more people, and some smashing equipment, I'm going to try to track down Tina again. Why? Because most of my people are almost at level fifty, and know new magic, and it's driving me crazy that I don't have other people to switch out when someone hits that level. Have I mentioned that I have OCD? Because I do... if you couldn't tell... I wander around, and in the lack of any visible plot points, I start walking into walls... which as it turns out is what I was supposed to do, because I find Tina and the unique girl. Hooray! Tina's not happy to see us though... and then that guy comes in and talks to Unique Girl. I'm pretty sure he knocked her up, so... yeah, that's likely a REALLY awkward conversation, what with only being teenagers and all. On the upside, it's not like either of them have parents or even a community to object to unwed teen pregnancy, so every cloud has a silver lining!

A little kid runs in, says something, and everyone (by which I mean Setzer and Tina) freak out. Did it... did it run in and fart? Well talking to people doesn't do me any good, so I guess I'll head out and see what's up. Upon finding a bouncing screen, I'm going to assume earthquake, or... Oh...

See, the drawback to Vanish is that while physical attacks never hit, spells ALWAYS do. And it never fails to hit because it's considered a beneficial spell you'd only use on the party.
THIS asshole again. Oh goody. Don't you have better things to do than sit around and harass a bunch of kids? Really? I decide that it would be more satisfying to just beat him in the face, and then... he blows Celes and Setzer out of battle. Damn it! I wanted those magic learning points! After they get knocked out of battle, Tina runs out, pulls her head out of her ass, and goes all Esper up ins. Good... but you're unequipped, so... bad. Vanish/Death time. Tina's esper casting sprite is adorable by the way.

I win the battle, and suddenly CHILDREN! Children EVERYWHERE! Tina floats down out of the sky, and they all run and poop themselves... And this is why I don't like children. It seems to upset Tina too:

'...uh. Ew. I, uh, have to go now, kids. To find a mop! Yes. A mop.'
Likely because not only did she CAUSE it, she's also going to have to clean all that up... and there are A LOT of kids there... Come with us Tina! You won't have to clean up anyone's poop! ... Except maybe Umaro's... I don't know if the yeti is potty trained. Anyway, the kids finally seem to accept Tina (and in keeping with the troupe, it's a little girl that recognizes her and accepts her first, and then the others just copy her) Then all the grass turns green and...

I am sure this doujinshi exists somewhere, and for that I can never forgive humanity as a whole.
They're moving, so I can't really got a good picture of the sparklies, but I think... I think Tina's dropping her eggs on Mash... or crying... whatever. Either way, she dripping something onto the Punchy McMuffin, and it all seems to be landing directly onto his face... Disturbing. There's some talking and then Tina's back in the party! Hooray! Now... where did Setzer and Celes go? They seem to have been sneezed all the way back to the Falcon, so at least I don't have to tromp off and find them now.

Well, a whole lot of nothing got done today, but I managed to make a whole post out of it. I'm sure you hate me, but I promise you'll get over it... probably. Tomorrow we'll go to the town with that pigeon, I promise. Until then, I have a bunch of magic/level grinding to do to teach everyone everything, so I'll meet you back here tomorrow! Enjoy your evening!

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