We don't always like being nonplussed

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 26 (In which Shadow's drunk again)

Alright, so when we last left off, I said that I'd go follow that pigeon... well I LIED MWAHAHAHAHA!

No, not really, I'm following the pigeon.
If you remember ages ago I talked to a girl, picked up a letter, talked to a pigeon, and then it went flying off to another town on that same continent... and apparently I followed it with a freaking flying cambot or something, but either way there was a video of its destination, so I head off to the town surrounded on three sides by mountains. I head inside and recognize it at Zozo. Fantastic. I talk to the pigeon waiting for me (See? I told you it'd still be there) and it flies off further into town. I guess I'll follow that bird. There are still dead people in the street, because apparently not even the apocalypse can make them clean shit up. I talk to the only people wandering around and one of them asks for a grand. After all the cactuar fighting, this is chump change, so I fork it over. I have no idea what I got, but upon opening my magic menu, it wasn't magicite. This makes me sad.

I wander around looking for new areas, and finally find a door that... leads into a cave? Why is this weird? Because it was on the freaking top floor of an inn, that's why. Either way, it's time for some dungeon crawling... and it actually looks promising this time, because there are unopened treasure chests. Yay! I loot the chests as I wade through palette swaps of panties giants, bears, and creepy looking guys with loot sacks, then head over a bridge to another cave. This one had an inaccessible treasure chest, but there's also a button on the floor. Upon stepping on it, the chest opens... and I find that it was full of dragon. Ah well, sometimes in life, you need to stick a dragon in a small chest. He flies off, and then while I was typing this paragraph, he dive bombs me:

How many dragons has she gone through now? I think three of eight?
He doesn't have a very impressive battle sprite, but since he had a map-wandering sprite, I know he's important. It's in the rules. Rather than Vanish/Death him, I decide that it would be more satisfying to beat him in the face. He's pretty hardy, since he's survived like three rounds thus far, including Edgar's lance randomly casting what I'm pretty sure is Holy... or, you know, 'Pearl' in this translation. He doesn't last through a fourth round, even after the dickish casting of Tornado. Do you remember those bears I mentioned? Kill them FAST, because they freaking steal gil... and I don't mean like a couple hundred, I mean that asshole stole nearly ten grand off me! And you don't get it back when you kill them. What the hell did it do? Steal the money and then throw it over the cliff just to be a dick?

Thieving bears aside, I finally seem to get where I'm going, since I find a cave full of silk flowers, and a letter. Time to poke our noses in! Since it's signed Cyan, I know that the letter's from him, so it's time to scout around and see if he shows up. Also, there's a chest here that I can't open. I walk out of the other entrance and see Cyan standing on a cliff side, loading up a pigeon and sending it off. He babbles about something, and then we cry out for his attention. He poops himself in surprise, and then comes over to talk to us... Dude, go change your pants first, we'll wait. He poops himself again, and then runs back into his cave-home and starts picking up all the bouquets and the letter... like we didn't have to WALK THROUGH THERE to get to where he was standing, and already SEE EVERYTHING. You would NOT make a good criminal, my forehead-ie friend, not at all. For some reason, Tina jumps up on top of the treasure chest in the room and then... Cyan jumps on the table?

Don't tell me he took up dancing too...
Is he... is he pouting about something? Really? REALLY?! Are you FIVE?! Get down off the damn table and start acting like a grown damn man! Well he jumps down off the table like I told him too, and then... frightens Tina?

Does it make it better or worse when you consider this could've happened to ANY character set as party leader?
That... that's just some REALLY poor positioning there... I mean really REALLY poor... Yup. I... I think I'm just gonna leave that one alone, because my brain is full of 'eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew' now. Tina blinks a few times, and then giggles, which makes everything WORSE, and then Cyan walks off and laughs... Um... I think I wanna go somewhere and cry now. Cyan then walks off, feels bad, and then there's a noddy head moment, and he fucks off to the ship. I head out and find a sparkly thing on the ground, which turns out to be the key to the chest. I don't know what was in it, but I think it's nothing really new. I make my way out of the cave, the old fashioned way... i.e. by back tracking and stabbing everything in the freaking face, and then head back to the town that chick was in. I stick Cyan in my party so he can fess up... and you know, so I can equip him and teach him magic.

After taking him back to talk to the chick... nothing really happens. Alright. Well... I don't know what to do, so in light of that, I think I'm going to go poke around the Veldt and try to get some good monsters to appear. Gau needs new rages, and Cyan needs to learn magic. Sadly since everyone keeps coming in at like, a level below the rest of the party, his level is high, but his stats are shit... so I'm thinking I should hold off on the level grinding as best I can until I get Locke, and Shadow back, since I think they're the only two I'm missing right now... and well, Gogo, but that's a side quest for later. Oh, wait... Relm and Strago... I COMPLETELY forgot about them... I'm going to get them back too, I promise... eventually...

Once more I seem to be getting the crappiest monsters to ever crap the crap out here, but this time I'm going to hang in there, since, you know, Cyan needs to learn stuff, and maybe if I prove my OCD to the game, it'll give in and start giving me the good shit. I note that there's a new mountain range here with its very own cave, so I think after a bunch of teaching has happened, I'll go poke that with a stick and see what happens. My determination seems to be paying off, since the good monsters have finally come out to play, and I've gotten a few new Rages. Let's just hope some rare monsters come out and I can get Gau on them. Have you ever seen the kappa sprite cast? You SHOULD, seriously, it's ADORABLE!!!

... And then there was a TPKO thanks to some Tyrannosaurus...es... and... I don't remember what Rages I'd gotten since the last save. Goddamn it! On an interesting side note, it appears that I've maxed out the game time keeper. Neat! Also... you remember that white dragon we fought the other day? I just got that Rage... My happiness at this cannot possibly be described in words.

Apparently Flailthroughs and Co. thinks I shouldn't review RPGs anymore... because I use up all my time breaking the game into tiny pieces. Oops? (I was just feeling extremely guilty about dooming you to 160 hours of Rage-grinding on the Veldt... -Ed.) On a different note, I'm no longer as thrilled about having jumped the White Dragon, because the asshole has showed up fairly regularly... Can I get some OTHER monsters now, please? Preferably while Gau is IN the party...

Screw you Veldt, you've betrayed my tiny trust. I know there are monsters I'm missing, but after FOUR DAYS of Rage Hunting, I don't care anymore... Especially since this is now Saturday night, and this is the Sunday update. Yeeeeeah... So I mentioned a new cave here, so we're gonna check that out. I head inside the cave and a dog wanders out and barks at me. I'm guessing Tina recognizes this dog because she turns to face the screen and asks a question, so then my guess is that was Interceptor, Shadow's puppy. Though how you're supposed to tell him apart from EVERY OTHER DOG IN THE WORLD!!!! is beyond me. See, they don't just clone people around here. That explains all the chocobos too...

Anyway, I find some chests, one of them has a monster in it, but he's nothing to write home about, and we kill him in the first round before he can even attack. As I continue making my way through the cave, I see a familiar... back of the head:

Has he been here a whole year?
It's Shadow... and he's drunk again. Goddamn it Shadow, get your shit together! Unfortunately, he seems to be up on a ledge, so I have to take a HUGE roundabout path to get to him... asshole. Next time pass out on the cave FLOOR, please. I manage to get to him, and walk over to check on him... at which point Tina destroys her knees some more...

That looks so uncomfortable.
And THIS creepy shit walks up. Oooooh boy... Tina sees him, freaks, and then he JUMPS on her. Ah. It's actually this:

Hey, Squenix!
Well time to get magic-ie. I love Vanish/Death... but then...

Make a set of these as bookends!
I'm viciously attacked by a palette swap! I decide to beat its face in, and... take it down in three rounds. You know, I think Flailthroughs and Co is right... I AM breaking this game into tiny pieces. After the fight, Tina nods, and then falls to her knees again. I REALLY wish she'd stop doing that, it hurts to watch. After a bit of talking, we get an airship ride, apparently back to Thamasa, and then we get to watch Shadow toss and turn. Well that's what you get for drinking so much, buddy. He then... gets into a battle in his sleep?

I'm reminded of Interesting Times by Terry Pratchett- specifically, the part about *very old* barbarian heroes.
... That's not a battle, it's a flashback... and that's Shadow? With a cape. He has a conversation with, what I can only assume was Interceptor, and then leaves. The dog rotates, bounces, and then follows him. That's nice... though if you think about it, that makes Interceptor older than Relm... so... for him to have been a full grown dog in that flash back, that would make him at least twelve. That's an OLD ninja dog! Of course none of this has anything to do with anything. Shadow doesn't seem to want to do anything other than sleep it off, so I think I'm going to head back to the Coliseum and try to get into trouble. Side note: I seem to have enough money for a suit made ENTIRELY out of money. Awesome. I leave town and then head back to see if Shadow's sober, but instead he's disappeared. I'll check the airship before I head off... and a thorough examination tells me that he is not. Jerk. To the Coliseum!

As it turns out, Shadow is now a battle at the Coliseum... awesome. After beating him into submissions, he rejoins my party. Hooray!

... I just remembered... I didn't teach Shadow SHIT for magic, since he kept running away. God DAMN it! Well then, time to bring him up to speed... so short update not withstanding, I'm going to call it here. I'll meet you guys back next week. Until then, remember... Shit if I know, but remember SOMETHING!

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