We don't always like being nonplussed

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 28 (In which Cyan needs to lay off the hallucinogens)

Alright, so... What the hell am I doing? It's a question that has plagued me often here, so I think I'm going to go check out some places I haven't visited yet. You remember in that one town forever ago where I mentioned that woman showed me a bunch of other places? No? That's ok, I don't either. I know she showed me Narshe, which I visited, and somewhere else, but one of the places she showed me bore a striking resemblance to Doma, so maybe there's something there that needs stabbing. Doma ahoy! Where ever the shit it is...

Well it looks about as run down and crappy as it always has. I'm not seeing any plot hooks yet, but maybe a bit more poking is called for. I put Cyan in my party, by the way to give him a nice homecoming, but when I spend the night, he doesn't wake up. Funny, I thought Strago would be the one to kick the bucket in the middle of the quest. Some kids bounce into the room and start babbling at me, but I don't know what about. Relm doesn't like it though:

I was going to make a Huey, Dewey and Louie joke here, but then I remembered that those are actually Larry, Curly and Moe.
The little shits jump around a lot and then... jump into Cyan's head? Neat trick.

...Cyan has dreams about David Bowie?
Apparently Cyan, much like Kermit the frog, has a head full of LSD. I... guess I'm going to have to walk around and collect my party members, oh goody. So I'm walking around as Strago and the FIRST thing I run into is a T-rex palette swap. Oh this is going to be a FUN dungeon, I can already tell! There also seems to be a bunch of doors, that I'd thought were boxes, until I went through one, that just drops you off in random places. I hate this dungeon.

Whatever album cover this is, I didn't expect it to be anything Cyan would listen to...
Whut? Is that... is that woman riding some kind of horrible Drowzee-lizard in her lingerie? And are those flying treasure chests? What is this, I don't even! The flying chests throw ghosts at me, which occasionally Doom me. Whut? I manage to muddle my way around and scare off one of those stupid kids, and pick up Relm. That's nice... I'd like Shadow back plox, since he has ALL the stabbity. I finally do manage to meander my way around and grab our ninja friend, and it's soooooooo nice to have the whole Thamasian family in a party together, isn't it? In any case, I hate this dungeon, and its random doors. I don't know if I mentioned that yet, but I REALLY do.

I try to go through a door and the screen goes red and then the kids pop out. Oh PLEASE tell me I can kill them now!

FF VI Advance names: Laragorn, Curlax and Moebius. Yes, really.
Yes, yes I do... and I think we found the Magus BROTHERS. You know, Sandy, Cindy and Mindy never mentioned brothers. I guess the girls couldn't make an appearance because then people would think they were Strago's kids, or something. I dunno, either way, I'm going to make them go crunch now. Well that was a ridiculously long, drawn out battle, since, much like the Magus sisters, each had an element they absorbed, and they put up Reflect on one of them so they could bounce spells off them. D-bags. As it turns out, they were only mid bosses though, and there's a whole new area, oh joy.

At least it's vulnerable to Electric attacks now.
Holy shit, they FLY too?! What the HELL?! I actually haven't moved into the next area, if you're wondering, I was trying to make sure I'd run into everything here, since I'll be Rage and Lore hunting later, I'm sure. The new area is...

Yeah, I can see how getting hounded by ghosts and zombies and then seeing your family leave for the afterlife would stick with ya.
The Phantom Train again? Man, this is some pooped up squack right here.

Dream interpretation's not my forte, but I'm assuming Cyan is either afraid of frogs, or once owned a bulldog that got cancer.
Cyan's got some FUCKED UP SHIT in his his head! You know, I'd forgive the dinosaurs and evil treasure chest, I'd even forgive the smoking women of questionable virtue because he's not DEAD and all guys think about women of questionable virtue. The Drowzee-Lizard and freaking Jiffy Pop frog are just RIGHT out! (Did I mention that the chick on the Drowzee-lizard has an attack that makes a tapir appear in front of a sleeping character? Because she does, it was weird.) Anyway, I think Cyan needs some hardcore damn therapy up ins.

I get to see a scene of ghostly Cyan running from a ghostly... ghost, and then head into a new car. This one has switches and treasure chests, and this is going to be REALLY annoying, isn't it? Short answer, yes. Oooooh boy. The first chest has crates on either side and a hole in front, but if you hit the nearby switch the crate on the far side moves. Unfortunately it moves back before I get there. I open the menu to put on some Sprint shoes, and when I close out of it... the crate moved again. I'm not sure if I'm amused or annoyed by the troll crate.

The next chest is blocked my an open one, and no matter how I try to approach it, the open chest moves to block me, like Charlie Weaver. Clearly I have to do something with the land of empty crates off to the left. Oh boy. I check out all those chest, and then flick a switch, and while three chests close, nothing significant seems to happen. I find another closed chest though and raid it before heading back to mess with the blocking chest. Apparently I put something in it and it stopped moving? Weird. Anyway, I get my loot and continue on.

The next area is full of switches and blocking furniture. I'm sensing a maze. Shite. I finally manage to wind my way through, and see three open chests... hmm I'm sensing a theme. I close three of the chests so they look like the ones in the last car. When nothing happens, I flick the switch, which, I should mention, did nothing a minute ago. That got it. Onto the next car.

I... end up in a mine... in some magitek armor? Ghostly Cyan runs around a bit before being chased off by... I dunno, carpet salesmen, and then I get into a battle.

And of course this is one instance where playing the game in English doesn't help you understand what's going on ONE bit. -Ed.
That um... that sure is magitek I'm in. You know, this is one of the rare instances where I wish I really DID have a freaking clue as to what's going on here... and then I bump into the table and the game freezes... I saved RIGHT before I got here, but I'm more worried about save file destruction. Cross your freaking fingers... Well, everything seems to be alright, thank goodness... but I was genuinely scared for a moment. Back to what I was doing!

The path seems pretty linear, until I realize I'm walking around in circles, walking around in circles, walking around in... Anyway, I decide to turn back and see if there's some hidden exit I missed. As soon as I do that, there's a new area and ghostly Cyan runs from me again. You know... this shit better give him like, a MAJOR speed boost, so SOME kinda stat boost at least, because this is RIDICULOUS. I try to cross a bridge and, surprise, surprise, I fall... into Doma castle?

You exist here.
A castle full of ghosts, apparently, because that's Cyan's family. Dude, let it GO! Yeah it's sad and all, but it's a year and an APOCALYPSE later! Even if Kefka hadn't killed them at Doma, the WORLD ENDING probably would have! Get over it!

I'm such a wonderful person, aren't I?

I get some exposition that I can't read, and then they turn into a save point. Way to make yourself useful kids. Not long after I saved, the game freezes up again. Oh joy. If you're wondering at all of thew sudden problems, we have a new setup so we're working out some of the kinks, and right now I'M just hoping that these kinks don't erase my damn save files because then I would kill EVERYONE. Save file still intact. On with the show.

As I wander around, I'm treated to touching scenes from Cyan's life that I really couldn't care about even if I COULD understand them. Finally I get to the main event:

Who the fuck looked at this color scheme and decided all games should look like this forever? I need to punch them.
It's nice to see someone else in color in this annoying sepia-tone dungeon. Time to bash your face in!

His Japanese name is... Arexsoul? No clue.
After ten thousand screens of text it seems. I hate mouthy villains, especially when they speak in text I can't read. Um... Mr. Boss man disappears, and leaves me with the little peon in front, but... they won't die. Or at least they don't STAY dead. How the hell am I supposed to kill the boss if he's not here?

Apparently he was hiding in Strago? When he got killed, the boss re-appeared, so we Flare'd him in the damn FACE... well, Flare and ninja stars. Either way, we beat him. And now Cyan seems to be up, in the dream, and talking, so I guess the peasants rejoice. There's a lot of text, everyone poops themselves:

'ACK. No, we didn't see any women in underwear riding Drowzees, I promise!'
Yeah, I missed Cyan doing it too, but oh well.. and then the wifely and sonly ghosts appear to tell him to stop harvesting his emo corn. That's nice guys, but I'd rather you gave him some super awesome ability or weapon, if it's all the same. They turn into sparklies and fly off... and then come back and make a sword? AWESOME! Stygian steel time!

... If you know what the hell I'm talking about, then you're a huge dork...

Cyan touches the sword, and much to my dismay, it turns out to be a port key (Hey, I never said *I* wasn't a dork) and we're out of the dream world. Why am I dismayed though? Because there was a throne full of magicite that I wanted. Apparently Cyan DID spawn some nifty shit because it came up with his name a couple times, and he had victory pose moments. I think he might have gotten his last two Sword Techs, so that's pretty cool. I also got a new sword, but I don't seem to have that magicite. I guess I'm search the castle here in the real world and see if it spawned. I know where it is if it did, so it won't take long.

Oh yeah, we got a throne full of magicite. Awesome. I'll have to teach people that too. Most of what it has are spells I already know, but it also has Holy... I know it's Holy because I'm seen it a bunch what with the White, or Holy, Dragon showing up like a MILLION times on the Veldt.

In any case, I know I only did one dungeon today, but this is a long ass post, and frankly, I'm satisfied leaving it here. So I'll see everyone next weekend, and maybe if we can get everything working, we might even have a talkie! As the most annoying sounding of the group, I figure that if you guys can stand hearing me yap, then everything will be golden for That Guy and Flailthroughs and Co. Don't hold your breath though, everything seems to be fighting pretty hard. Either way, until next we meet, remember: Cyan dreams of bitches in lingerie riding Drowzee-lizards. Good night!

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