We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 29 (In which we make Lucky charms, with blue tonberries and white kappas and dragon kings!)

Welcome back kiddies. When we last left out heroes, I had to teach everyone Curaga and Holy. Done and done. Moving on, I decide to check out Figaro Castle, since I KNOW there's a dungeon related to it somewhere and inside that dungeon is the answer to all my prayers... the Offering. Setzer + Offering + Fixed Dice = Death God. Setzer + Offering + Genji Glove + 2(Fixed Dice) = HOLY SHIT HE'S MURDERING ME OUT OF EXISTENCE AAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! ... It's a math thing. Anyway, I round up Edgar, Celes, Gau and Mog, because they're the lowest levels, and head back to Figaro Castle in the search of this marvelous object.

I notice that old bastard doesn't stop me from going down to the engine room anymore. Damn right, bitch. I send the castle over the other continent and then get a prompt. Well golly gee, what could that be? ... I actually didn't mean to rhyme there, sorry. Anyway, I get asked a question, and now I get to figure out which one is 'go spelunking'... As per usual I pick the top option, which was apparently, "Screw that." Damn it. Back the other way! It was the second option, which tells me this thing is an asshole. So I stop the castle and head into the dungeon and out the cell missing the back, entering a cave. Time to beat some shit in the face!

See, the Offering and Genji Glove both usually reduce damage a bit to offset the extra hits you're getting. Fixed Dice ignore those reductions AND the opponent's defense, and can randomly roll up to 9999 damage. So up to 80,000 damage a round, and it even works on Cactuars. Try it!
As you can see we have a fresh group of palette swaps in here, and they're all highly resistant to magic... and weak to Holy, judging by the damage my Holy Lance wielders are getting. Awesome. In the next room I open a box to find:

Mr. Wonka TOLD you to stay out of the gum, asshole.
A blue tonberry. I don't know if I should be worried or not, but since he's a monster in a box, and they're evil, I'm going to say yes, and Vanish/Death it. It works, and I have another entirely anti-climactic battle. What? It's not cheating, shut up. I meander through thr caves and eventually come to:
This would probably be a poignant statement on the ravages of the War of the Magi...
...If we hadn't already seen civilization destroyed AGAIN.
Apparently grass and dry land under the ocean... or at least underground under the ocean. The point here boys and girls is that this doesn't make sense. Why is there grass and illumination, as though from a sun? We get a flash back of the castle being attacked, but even in the flashback the castle is already in ruins. Seriously guys, know when to give up and abandon ship. After the flash back Edgar turns around and says something about a thousand, then we get another flash back with this guy:

I'm not sure why they elongate the O sound in Odin in Japanese. Wouldn't that be closer to Ordin?
Who I'm going to call some kind of dragon, because look at him. His back might to be us, but his hat looks like a dragon, so I'm going to call him the Dragon King of Ancient Figaro. Why? Because I can.

Isn't that the same outfit the Figaro chancellor wears? I don't know why I never suspected this of being ancient Figaro, but it makes sense now...
Damn, it WAS just a silly hat. I'm sad now. We get back to the present, Edgar walks futher in and then there's another flashback.

I'm gonna call him Odin, because RIGHT after I took this picture, he cut all those dudes in half. Then this happens:

Glad I didn't fight THAT particular ghost on the Phantom Train...
They fight, Odin tries to cut him in half, and then ghost boy wags his finger at him; because silly Odin, Instant Death moves don't work on undead; and then turns Odin to stone. Hooray? After that I get to control my party and we get back to treasure hunting! In a chest I find:

Katanasoul in English, and apparently Samurai Soul in Japanese.
a palette swap samurai. Well, as a monster in a box, he is going to get the same treatment as aaaaaaaall the others... Vanish/Death time! Actually no, I beat him in the face the hard way, because I completely forgot what I was doing... and when I was about to remember, Gau cast a spell and it reflected, so I just went with destroying him the hard way. It wasn't THAT bad. I head into the castle and reach:

If you're done napping, we could use that speed boost, thanks.
Yeah, he's still here... and he's still hard. Badoom-pssh! Shut up, I'm witty. Talking to him makes the statue disappear, and then I get his magicite. Sweet. Then I find some treasure chests and raid them. There's a sparkly in a side room, so I check it out, but it's just a book. Anyway, now that I have some more magic to learn, even if it is only one spell, it's time to bounce and hit up the Veldt... I might even figure out whether or not I got the Offering! So I'll meet you guys back here in a bit... not that you'll notice the absence.


'..., Batman!'
Holy Dragon + Vanish + Kappa = Holy Kappa! I LOVE in game bugs!!!!!

Well, that took a week. Back to the underground castle. I actually realized that I can't change Odin into Raiden yet, because I still need to teach Locke the spell on Odin when I get him back. So... Yeah. Now you might be asking why I'm going back to the underground castle. Its simple... I'm not done looting it. There's a hidden staircase in a side room and it has this guy:

If Romancing Saga 2 has taught me anything, it's that there's ALWAYS another dragon.
Vanish/Death takes care of him in typical anticlimactic fashion, and I think there are only two more dragons to go. Woo hoo. Further investigation into the room reveals:

What a bizarre caste system must exist in these worlds. 'Well, you don't look like any of the waitresses or opera singers, so you must be a hero!'
Someone petrified that Maria chick... you know, the opera singer Celes resembles? Yeah, they stoned her and ditched her down here it seems. That seems to be the extent of things to do down here, so I'm going to head back out and see what else can be done.

As I fly around, I spot what was formerly Intangir Island... well, I spotted it a while ago, but I haven't bothered to check it out, so I suppose it's time to do that! Tomorrow! I'll meet you guys back here then, and we'll see what kind of fun things can be learned here. Until then, stay cool.

Side note, I know I mentioned the possibility of a talkie, but we can't seem to record audio at present and require either a better version of Windows, or a better sound card. Either way, yeah, it sucks. But you will certainly know when we DO get sound... because then there'll be a video up rather than a bunch of text... so... yeah. Later.

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