We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 31 (In which I run out of funny)

Alright on the docket today is the Phoenix Cave! Where IS the Phoenix Cave? Shit if I know. I've investigated every cave on the map, and the only place I haven't landed yet is a tiny hole in one of the mountain ranges. I guess I'm going to check out there. This seems to be it, since it gives me a prompt to make two parties:

Alright everyone, synchronize your watches. (Do they HAVE watches? There's grandfather clocks so I assume...)
Party one is Tina, Setzer, Sabin and Strago, while part two is Celes, Cyan, Shadow and Gau... because I'm taking my lowest leveled characters in. This might come back and bite me in the ass, but we'll see. Into the cave! First thing I do is stand on a switch to open a hidden door. When I step off of it... the door closes. Oh how cute, it's one of THOSE dungeons. Goody. Time to switch to the other party. Well I headed over to a treasure chest like a retard and get dropped down into the basement, apparently. Shit. Well, let's press forward and see if we can find a way to fix this...

I do indeed get back upstairs, AND find a pressure plate that lets me get that chest. Hooray! Now back to wandering around to try to figure out what I'm supposed to do... After looping around like three times, I finally figure out there's a break in the wall I can go through to stand on another plate so I can move my first party further into the dungeon. I hate this cave... For the record, this is annoying as HELL when it comes to my OCD level growth, because each time I switch, I have to take off and put on magicite...

There's another annoying thing about this cave... empty treasure chests. They're not sitting there open either, so you don't know if they're empty until you open them... douchebags... As per the usual theme in the World of Ruin, most of the monsters here seem to be undead, and then there are these bitches:

I never did like that sprite either.
I don't know what they are, but I hate them, not because they're hard to fight, as I seems to be murdering EVERYTHING FOREVER, but because they look silly, and I just don't like them. It's not like I need a reason, you know.

I FINALLY get to a save point with party two, which makes me happy, since it's been ages since my last save before coming in here, and with all the people tromping through just as hard as they can tromp, I'm a little paranoid about the Famiclone freezing up.

Everyone hates jumping puzzles! They're second only to escort missions!
See this? This is a BITCH! I HATE jumping puzzles, and furthermore, once you start hopping across you can't control where you go. It sucks. I get out into a new area after about twelve rounds on the annoying jumping puzzles, and forgetting which door was the one I came in. There's a switch to pull in this area, so of course, I pull it, and it drains water down onto the lava from the previous room... and the wonderful geologists at Square then inform us that lava + water = solid ground... instead of, you know, super-heated steam. Anyway, I can't go very far into the new water-less area, so it's back to stripping magicites from everyone and switching back over to the other team. Tedious!

On a side note, you know how this dungeon is supposed to be super difficult and there's supposed to be a huge jump in monster levels here? Yeah... I'm REALLY over-leveled and over-statted, this dungeon is just annoying, not actually hard.

Yeah, this is just a tedious dungeon to get through.
Well it looks like there's going to be another dragon in my future. Oh joy. Is it just me, or does he look smaller than the others? Maybe it's the midget dragon! Oh we can only hope...

Yeah, Locke hadn't grabbed this one yet.
Well at least there's SOME steam... also the chest I'm in front of ISN'T empty, for a shocking turn of events. Hooray treasure! Back upstairs in a new area is a new switch, so we stand on it, switch parties, hit the other swich, and then head down a stair case to:

Orange! The one color Romancing Saga 2 DIDN'T hit me with this week!
Oh look, this dragon actually LOOKS like one, as opposed to many of the others... he's not as little as his sprite would have lead us to believe either. That's false advertisement, man. Either way, Vanish/Death takes care of it like always, and I go on about my life! Apparently it tells me that there's STILL one more dragon? I dunno, I moved by the message pretty fast. In any case, it's time to press onward. I follow the path down, with a different party and reach:

'Score! And nobody's around to call me a thief.'
Treasure! I-I mean Locke! Hooray Locke! Where the HELL have you been? Do you know how long I've been wandering around?! Have you REALLY been down here THAT long?! And what the hell kind of thief are you that you reset all the traps and obstacles BEHIND you after disarming them? Jerk!

... I might forgive you... MIGHT! Don't hold your breath though. There's some talking and Locke feeling bad, and then he heads to his dead girlfriend's shrine:

Most creepy shrines just have photos, maybe locks of hair. Corpses are overdoing it...
Magicite! Apply directly to the corpse! Except it doesn't seem to work, perhaps because you have to CAST THE SPELLS? Or you know, maybe it's because she's been dead for THREE YEARS. Take your pick. Which ever reason you choose, Locke is stupid and needs to get over it....

At least we didn't go the Sleeping Beauty route. Ick.
Or... I'm wrong? The magicite glowed, jumped away, EXPLODED, and then there was Phoenix-shaped shadow over everything, and dead chick opened her eyes. Oh poop.

Nobody tell Cyclops.
I dunno what she's saying, but something tells me the return of the phoenix shadow means that she's still dead, Phoenix is just giving her a chance to talk to Locke one last time. How romantic... excuse me while I go vomit. Then Phoenix disappears and she... dies again? Yeah, THAT'S gonna be healthy for the old Theifie McMuffin.

Eh, save it for the Spider-Man musical.
She then floats up off the bed? Turn back into magicite, you whore! I don't give a shit what happens to you! She then explodes in a shower of sparklies and they fly off, followed by the Phoenix shadow. Noooooo! My precious magic! Sadly the scene isn't over yet, because now there has to be a dynamic scene between Locke and Celes. Really I'd just like to get on with this, please. They head outside, Locke runs back inside and then comes out...

'This rock is made from my dead girlfriend. Want it?'
Well I'm glad he's in a good mood... AND giving me things. Awesome. He also seems to have gotten over his emo, because he gave Celes a flirty little wink. THERE'S the treasure-hunter we all know and love!

Well, I thought that this was going to take up the whole weekend, but it hasn't. Oh well. As it turns out I still need to actually BEAT the Fanatics' Tower, so that'll be tomorrow, and then next weekend will be Kefka. I hope you're all as excited as I. Until tomorrow remember... I'm going to be stealing my thiefy face off while magic/level grinding... so this is going to take a while. Enjoy my pain!

No comments:

Post a Comment