We don't always like being nonplussed

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 32 (In which I'm still out of funny)

Alright kiddies, I have everything I can think of, so now to tie up loose ends. First of all, Gau. He has a father, time to introduce them. I look around and on the land mass with the dinosaur forest, I find a lone house. Alright, let's see if it's the right one. It seems so, since we get a scene and then we all walk out and the story begins! Not that I can read it... Everyone play dress up with Gau as their doll, and Tina says something... and then Mash pisses her off:

'What do you MEAN 'At least he HAS a father,' you jackass!?'

Then Celes says something and second verse, same as the first:

'My parents are none of your business, Mash. But you know what they WEREN'T? Poisoned.'
Cyan throws his two cents in, and we get the same result, minus the picture. Then Mash dresses Gau:

'Uwaoooh! This why Edgar not let you dress YOURSELF! ...wait, that sound dirty...'
Mash has no sense of style, and even Gau notices. The Edgar takes a turn:

'Uwao... maybe Edgar should no dress himself anymore either...'
Looking good babe. Locke disagrees and takes a turn:

'No, Edgar, Tina and Celes do NOT 'volunteer'. ...shut UP, Relm. Come on, we've got to find an outfit that doesn't make Cyan throw up!'
Stylin' bandana, holmes. Edgar makes a snide comment, and Locke proceeds to kick his ass, awesome. In the end, we return to the crazy old man's house with Gau in the tux. He's cute. We walk into a scene and actually get some really nice poignant music. I'm surprised. They try to reintroduce the crazy bastard to his son, but much like handling a baby wild animal, the parent won't take it back afterwards... though given Gau's situation that kinda worked in reverse, didn't it?

'All this and there's not even any Magicite in it for us...'
Mash feels bad over his failure to reunite the family. Then he tries to hit the crazy old douche, but Gau stops him because... I dunno... kumquats. Me, I'd let Mash smack a ho, but then again, I'm a bitch, so... Yes, I just said that a feral child, LITERALLY raised by monsters is a better person than I am. Isn't civilized society great? In other news, Mash is still feeling bad outside:

'Not even a weapon or decent armor... dammit.'
And then Gau talks for a bit, and the scene ends. Wasn't that fun? To be honest I did it a little as filler, and a little as picture fodder, but mostly because I think the dress up scene is cute. If I didn't, then they'd revoke my vagina, and no one wants that. In other news, that's the second to last loose end tied up, so now we're off to the Fanatic's Tower to punch the boss in the face... potentially with swords.

Alright, back at the Fanatics' Tower, the cultists marching in front still have a hole left for Strago, but he's not in my party, so to hell with them. Now I COULD do the cheap thing and moogle charm my way up to the top, but Mog's not in my party and and I need the leveling. Up we go! I don't know if I mentioned it previously, but you lose all commands other than Magic and Item in this tower, and most of the monsters are inherently reflected... so my solution is to use reflect rings, ribbons, and lots and lots of Ultima and Meteor, since those bypass reflect and evasion.

The guy in the green robe always looked split down the middle. Gross.
These seem to be about what you get on the first set of floors. Luckily they're stupid, so they keep reflecting spells back at themselves, which is nice. The ghosty palette swap is undead so Life takes care of him very easily and for a lot less MP than Meteor and Ultima, the other one... the other one is a douche, and I'd just sacrifice the MP to off him with those spells and make my peace with it. Second tier has these guys:

If we wait, shouldn't he, y'know... burn out?
They are also undead. And, just to point out the irony of all this, fort some reason Cyan, my SLOWEST character, keeps going first... I don't know why. Also, as I've found out the hard way, these assholes don't give XP, only magic learning points. Douche rockets.

Oh dear, I seem to have stumbled upon a new formation in this area:

Yes folks, we're into the Spam Ultima for the Next Six Hours part of the game!
Well then time to see who's undead and who's going to be a pain in the ass. Well Mr. Fabulous in the back is reflected, and I don't know about the umbrella gnome back there, but two Meteor castings later, and they're toast. In the next area are these guys:

That Guy pointed out to me how much the Fanatics Tower reminds him of the staircase in the NES Ghostbusters game.
But they all look like undead palette swaps, so let's see how many casting of Life it takes to kill them all. Well as it turns out only the one is still undead, but the other two don't like Thundaga... they also cast is, and get it reflected back at them three times, so they zap their own shit, and this makes me happy. The fourth tier give me these bitches:

And he's absolutely right. Why didn't I see it before?
You know, this is sounding DANGEROUSLY like a real walkthrough..., I'm sorry, I'm running out of funny. Give me a break, I've been working on this for months, and you have NO idea how much soul-sapping work I've put into this game. My funny is almost broken here. Either way, the party girls here get Meteor'ed in the face, and I move on with my life. So... you remember the bunnies on the red lettuce? The flappers there in red are their humanoid equivalent. They seem to only cast Esuna and Curaga, which would be neat if I wasn't reflected... and I'm pretty sure that the game did on purpose. After that level we finally reach the top! Let's see what awaits us there!

This could only be trappier with a 'Free! Take One!' sign.
Um... treasure? Somewhere, Admiral Ackbar is screaming that this is a trap. Um... so far not? It let me raid the treasure just fine... I head out and suddenly...

There's got to be a secret tunnel or something.
Cultists! HUNDREDS of them! Um... there weren't this many of you guys down stairs... Their babbling seems to conjure up:

Gozer the Gozerian, Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come! Choose, and perish.
A blurry ghost, who actually turns out to be:

Actually there's a resemblence! I blame the hair.
... Dude, didn't I fight you back in the magitek facility? He also uses Wall Shift, or whatever it's called, where he changes his elemental weaknesses after every time he's hit. Several rounds of Ultima (nonelemental) later... and he casts Ultima as a final attack. HURK! Luckily, I had Flailthroughs and Co watching me fight (so he could tell me what the spells were) and so I'd put Re-raise on Tina, and then peasants rejoice. Now... now I think I have to WALK back down the bleeding tower. Shit I hope not...

I have to walk all the way back down. Son of a bitch. Well, I'm gonna leave here and level a bit, since I want everyone to be at least level sixty when I take on Kefka's tower, so it's time to punch dinosaurs in the face until I am! Until next week remember... the Fanatics' Tower sucks. See you guys next weekend for the END OF THE GAME!!!!

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