We don't always like being nonplussed

Friday, July 15, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - day 7 (this old man, he played three, he did it cause he's a tree!)

And we return for our Friday update, before the weekend. I'm excited, can you tell?

We start out the day by leaving the small church, and looking around for the next plot hook... I mean location in which we will have an adventure! After a thorough search of the area, I find that our one choice of location is...

Awful lot of remote shacks we're visiting here. If I hear a banjo we're making a run for it.
The little house on the prairie.
I suspect that there may be a John-boy inside that we have to slay, and that's just fine with me. But no, this isn't a prairie, it's a valley, since it's in the middle of that small mountain range. This is actually what, in nature, is called a box canyon, which is famous for being flooded pretty much on a daily basis. Best place I can think of to build a home.

In spite of this home being in the Dragon Quest equivalent of Tornado Alley, I head in and find myself in a tiny house with what seems to be another dwarf.

Dude, maybe you should just make your new garage out of dwarfier things instead of waiting for random soldiers with carpentry skills to happen by.
And there's some sort of dialog tree! Hooray! Just what I can't understand! I do manage to find the right combination, which makes our party member... what was I calling him? George? I think it was. Anyway, George heads out in a huff, and then the dwarf and I follow in a minute and a huff. Outside, I realize that what he probably wants me to do is make something, since their are large piles of lumber around. Perhaps a boat to go under his house, so he won't die every three days? That sounds reasonable. After a moment of talking, George gets sick of our talking, and starts getting his mad carpenter on.

He sleeps all night and he works all day.
As you can see.

And what do I get from this little bit of hard labor that my goon has done for him? Not a damn thing, that's what. I mean, I'm sure he gave me some sort of information about where to go, but... Japanese, so not so useful. Time to fall back on to the old time-honored tradition of searching for hours on end until I find what I'm looking for... about two minutes later.

That's not made with the traditional DQ tileset! EXPLORE!
Yeah, it looked kind of important, so I decided to give it a quick search. Damned if it didn't turn out to be what I'm looking for. And I do mean a search, by the way. I expected there to be treasure of some sort, like a chocobo digging game, but instead what I found was... Creepy underground tunnels. I don't even feel the need to show you a picture of these, since they look just like any other underground runnel you can think of.

The thing about the tunnel that is worth noting, though not really worth picturing, is that it has some new type of babble that poisons, and none of my characters have anything to remove poison. I know that it's poison, because every five or six steps, the screen pixilates for a moment, before changing back. This has always been the sign of poison, even in ancient times. That, or LSD.

I do manage to find my way out of the cave, and keep the party alive!

Now I've got no idea where to go, or what to do, but I'm alive! And on the plus side, this area has some of the silliest looking monsters yet!

Name: Morijijii, or basically Old Man(Gramps) of the Forest.
I really don't have a damn clue what to call them, but since they look like old men, and flowers, I'm going to go with Corpse Flower, and just hope that they aren't also Amorphophallus titanum.

I now begin to wander aimlessly, since I don't have the slightest idea where to go. I decided to follow the little patch of sand that seems to lead through this area, and it takes me to...

Hey, George! We need this boarded over or at least a fence! Feel a Berserker Carpentry Rage coming on?
Yep, that's another hole through the world. I should probably see a contractor about that, or at least invite a friend over and Spackle it shut... that is not a euphemism. But seriously, how are people only now noticing these giant holes in reality? They aren't subtle, and as a matter of fact they're the opposite of subtle. They're purple!

Anyway, since I know for a fact that falling thousands of feet out of the air onto an alien world is perfectly safe, I decide to give it a shot for old time's sake. I hop on through and...

At least you didn't fall on the pointy bits of the castle.
Doesn't this place just look wholesome? The lake of poison, the imposing walls, the small desert and tall hills all around it really just tell me this is a warm, fuzzy place full of love. Time to go in and explore, since I'm a ghost anyway.

'Urge... to remodel... RISING...'
Don't you just get the sensation of being wrapped in a big, warm blanket when you look at this place? No? Ok, what about a blanket made out of spiders with poison dripping from their fangs? Necrosis can be pretty warm, from what I've been led to believe.

I do a small amount of searching, since the castle itself is so small, and I find a map on the second floor. I also find a well, but I'm not going to use it since it'll likely take me back to the upper world from this one, and I don't want to leave now, then realize I forgot something stupidly important. Time to explore!

I don't know what's going on, but I did find what I think is the trigger.

Dude's name is Joseph. As I recall this is a complicated little soap opera of a subplot... -Ed.
They talk about something, and then one of them walks away. This is at least something, so I guess I'll finish up, then head back to reality-land.

There's not much going on in this town to be honest, though there are a hell of a lot of bunny girls walking around. I wonder if that's common, or if... ohhhh, now I see why!

CASINO! Time to lose forty hours of my life to poker!
Because Bunny Girl = Casino, I should have known. Or not, since in reality, Bunny Girl = porno, and no matter what Japan says will change it. At least not in the heart of Americans. *waves flag with rabbit ears on it*

Anyway, as I'm getting ready to leave the town, I head back into one of the houses for half a moment and speak to the maid inside, because she looks like the girl from the pier. I think I've found another plot trigger, because once I do, she heads upstairs. I follow after her and speak to her, she probably mutters something about the great old ones, as most house keepers do, and I head back down the stairs. As I'm getting ready to leave, another woman sneaks in. I don't know why, but she looks like a conniving bitch to me.

Yup, there's a-doin's a-transpirin'.
How about you? No one is ever up to any good when they sneak into a house while the maid is away.

The maid comes downstairs again, and I hear digital dog barks as she heads outside. I assume that she's being mauled to death, as most people are, but she returns a moment or two later, unmauled. I head outside because this is highly unusual, but I think I have a guess of what the crazy home invasion bitch was doing.

The Dog Poisoner wouldn't have been as fun a show for Cesar Milan.
She poisoned the goddamn dog! Why? Fucked if I know, maybe it's her fetish or something. Most likely, though, I'm going to have to guess this has something to do with love. Love makes everyone into a moron, and the girl looked like she rode the short bus to school anyway... Well, ok, the short carriage.

The owner yells around in circles until someone runs off to get either a doctor, or a shovel, and then it turns into this again.

And so, our merry band of adventurers remained silent witnesses to this fucked up bullshit. Paraphrasing here.
I'm just guessing this is a little plot synopsis I can't read, describing what's happening between long stretches of game I can't read, which would be nice if I could read it. Did you get the point that I can't read it yet? Because I can't. Just so we're clear. The problem is that Dragon Quest is a bit more heavy on the plot hints, and has a much bigger world than anything I've played so far, so it's a bit hard to get into it since large stretches of it are spent wandering the world map, and someone told me years ago not to level too much because there may or may not be a job system.

So what I'm asking for is a bit of patience, while I try to adapt to this. It will get better, I promise.

Anyway, back from the little black screen we're now in the house, the dog seems fine, and the maid is missing. I'm guessing that's either the dog owner and his son, or the dog owner and the husband of the maid. The dog is alive and well, so that's nice, but I have a feeling the maid is being blamed for something she didn't do and is probably being held somewhere. Who bets I have to arrange a prison escape?

Somewhere, the one Japanese man with both a maid AND a prison fetish is VERY happy. Too happy.
Yep, I'm going to have to arrange a prison escape.

But that'll be next week, since it's time for me to stop. I hear a storm brewing, and that to me says that I don't want the computer to cut off mid sentence... See? It didn't do it, because I stopped writing and turned it off before the elec

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