We don't always like being nonplussed

Monday, August 8, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 23 (son of a bitch!)

And we're back for Monday, where if you'll recall we were about to hop onto a sea-bound cupcake. This is likely the next big event, because I've never heard of a giant floating cupcake not being important.

I wonder if Yuji Horii knows that Coney Island is not, in fact, a giant ice cream cone?
Ohhh, it's an island. Well, that still sounds pretty unusual to me, so let's see what happens, shall we? But look at that guy at the bottom of the picture. How the hell do you even sail an island? Does this thing have a motor? Sails? Magic propulsion system, or something? Well, when I speak with him I hear something that sounds like a deep, resounding fart, and the island begins to move... Left. The person at the wheel is facing the wrong direction, and can have no idea if there's anything in its path.

We're off to an awesome start, aren't we?

To the north there's a building, which I step inside and find something that makes me nervous.

Giant Cupcake of Lost Souls? Not as frightening.
See, the problem here is that nothing this normal looking, on a island-boat, can be anything other than a trap. This looks like the sort of place that should have "Of Lost Souls," added on to the end of it. So in this case, the Island-Ship of Lost Souls. That sounds dumb, but at the same time I'll be damned if it isn't frightening too.

I speak with everyone, and the fat old guy by the stairs doesn't seem to want to move. On the plus side, I think the bartender keeps giving me drinks, and won't let me out of a dialog loop, so this might be the trigger.

Didn't we do this monster slave-labor thing in Dragon Quest V?
Yep, it's a trap. This is probably going to be followed by the entire party being disarmed... fuck.

And we're escorted to a dark, evil looking castle. We're either slave labor, or we're dinner... Possibly a sacrifice, but that's not high on the list of evil schemes.

His name is Jamiras, or possibly Jamilus.
Fuck I'm bad at guessing. That's an altar, and some sort of idol in the background. I also saw all of the other people on the island in statue form on the way in, so... Shit. I'm going to guess that we don't have to fight him, and there's some sort of escape.

Dragon Quest tends to take its boss fights seriously.
Fuck, I know nothing about games!... At least we weren't disarmed.

Fuck, this guy is tough! I'm not going to lie to you... lotta death there, because I'm dumb. My best advice is keep Elf and Gogo healing, and Hero and George attacking. If you try to mix it up much, then you will end up with dead party members, first George, then Gogo, who regrettably is the one that can bring back the dead.

After the end of the battle, we sit and listen to a bit of a long-winded speech from the boss:

Whenever anybody says games are 'not Shakespeare,' I like to counter with 'You've never sit through an RPG death scene.'
Who then explodes, which I couldn't get a picture of, but it wasn't that impressive anyway. It looks more like he turned into some sort of color wheel than an explosion, but there was a boom, so an explosion it must have been.

Then, our group of lawn ornaments turns back into people!

Everybody must get stoned. And then de-stoned. Dylan left that bit out because it doesn't sound like as much fun.
Wonderful, at least we've done something right for once, where we get to see the end result of all of our hard work. I've got to say the people do look rather happy, and I would too after just escaping a near Medusa-esque fate. Next thing they would have all been dressed up in little blue coats, with pointy hats, and left on some monster's front lawn. I shudder at that fate.

And then a ghost pops out:

Haven't we had enough King-related troubles in this game?
Who spins away into the sky, after perhaps telling us that we've ruined his plans, and he'll get us next time, Gadget. NEXT TIME!

After King Spinny leaves, everyone that was formerly a member of the gnome club leaves to the south, and I guess we take the island back?

But it's not a GOLD island. If you've ever been stuck behind an old person in a gold car, you know this is a key warning sign.
Yep, looks like it. But we've got a new, old guy that's going to drive the island-ship... You know, with the quality driving skill of old people that drive cars, I don't want to be riding on the island. For starters, it won't go more than fifteen knots, with the left blinker on the whole way back. But I don't think I should just warp out, since it's still night time, and that is knot normal. Did ya get the pun? I hope you're a native English speaker, or I look like an idiot... Alright, I look like an idiot anyway, now shut up.

On the plus side:

Gogo's starting to smell, but hey! Treasure!
We now have access to the magical secret stairs! Let us see what delicious secrets they hold, mwahahah.

Ah, Dragon Quest. It's always so much fun to finally get the Ultimate Key.
This secret isn't nearly as delicious as I had hoped, actually... Except for the Treasure!... WHICH I CAN'T FUCKING GET TO, YET! But I guess that would count as delicious, as nothing tastes sweeter than forbidden fruit! Ha! I saved the metaphor!... Or is it a simile? Homonym?

Shut up.

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