Anyway last time we left, we were bored to tears with the town we're in, so we were going to leave, and find something interesting. I'm guessing that I haven't been given an adventure hook yet, so there shouldn't be anything worth note around here, yet.
Aside from a small house in the middle of nowhere, that seems to be magically sealed by a Rabbi, since that's a Star of David on the door. Curse you, Seals of Solomon! Curse you! Well at least I've found somewhere that I'm sure will be important later, and that should count for something. Unfortunately, it does not, so we continue. So we move on and look for the trigger, and to be honest, I get a good feeling from this place here.
Castles are always a good source of plot hooks. I know, because it says so in the bible. Look it up, you'll be surprised.
Time to speak with the king, and find out what fetch quest/escort mission he wants to send me on.
There's a small amount of dialog, and he asks me a couple of questions to which I agree, to get this thing going, and the fat man in red leaves the room to go and fetch me the Whatever it is. I've seen a lot of those fat men, either running towns, or working for kings. There must be a factory somewhere that churns them out, because there can't be... what would it be by now? Dodecatoplets?
The vagina is not a clown car.
To my surprise, Fatman33 walks into the room very quickly, which probably means the item/npc I need has been stolen. Well, time to do what anyone does in a crisis, which is loot the castle!
Waiter, there's a small child in my barrel. Can I speak with the manager about this?
I can't tell if it's a boy or a girl, but I get the feeling this is what we're looking for, since it instantly runs off to speak with the king. Probably a prince, and we probably have to escort him somewhere for some brain damaged reason. I guess we're never really done escorting people, in these games.
Anyway, we head down the stairs out of the throne room, prince in tow, and he heads off for some reason, and we let him. Yep, we just got ditched by what looks like a fetus in a cape. Smart adventurers we are not. I find him again fairly quickly, though, standing on a ledge.
Jump, you miserable little fuck! Jump now and save this kingdom a lot of hassle!.. No? Alright then, let's get going.
Now, where do we go from here? It could be the magic house, but given the propensity this game has for caves, I'm going to look around to see if there's a cave around here somewhere.
Yep, that's a cave. Remember, if you're playing a Dragon Quest game, and your choices are town, magical hut and castle, the correct answer is cave every time. That's cool, though, because I like getting my ass handed to me by new monsters. Well, hopefully new monsters.
No new monsters so far, but this is actually one of the prettier caves I've been in, so that's nice.
I'm sensing that this is some sort of sacred sight, or something, and maybe we have to find a sword, or perhaps a magical elixir that will turn the prince into not a dick. Then again, I don't even know if it is a prince, it could be the queen's child servant that she's sending along to make sure we don't fuck up whatever quest we're on. If so, that queen is a bitch, and needs to be dethroned with a ham to the face.
Hey now, these are new. They're some sort of unicorn, but they're all gingers. No wonder they live in the cave, the sun would ignite them like gunpowder. All I can really say about them is that they have a few slightly nasty attacks, and one that flings a member of the party out of the battle, which blows.
Ohhh, I think we all know what this means:
It's Oprah, and we're all getting new cars! No, wait, this is in medieval times, so it would be carriages... And that's not Oprah, it's far too human looking!
Nope, it appears to be made out of phlegm. That's not that unusual, as it's just a recolor of the urine monsters we fought much earlier in the game. Here's hoping it isn't going to rape us.
Ok, it doesn't have a lot of HP, maybe 800-900, but it has a confuse attack that will wreck your shit when it hits. I just say keep attacking it head on, and hoping for the best, because you probably will end up healing it if you try to heal yourself... Hmm, that guy had a 1 in his name, so there's a good chance that we're going to see more of him. Balls.
Past where I fought him is a door that... did that little fucker run away again? GOD DAMN IT!
Scoured the town from top to bottom, and the little bastard was hiding in the TOWN. The fucking TOWN, in the house on the upper left. I will end this little son of a bitch, if it's the last thing I do...
SON OF AN EVER LASTING SPUN GLASS BITCH OF A COCK JUGGLING WHOREMONGER! WE HAVE TO FIGHT IT AGAIN!?
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