We don't always like being nonplussed

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 26 (GOD DAMN IT!)

This battle did not go as well as it did the first time... FUCK! You know what's awesome? A resurrection spell, that FAILS 9 OUT OF 10 TIMES YOU FUCKING CAST IT! WAIT! WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING OVER THERE?! GODDAMN FINKLESTEIN SHIT KID!

Ok. I'm better now, I swear. I just needed a moment or two to catch my breath is all. If you hadn't gathered, this kid is annoying the hell out of me in ways I had never thought possible, even from children. That's ok, though. Let's move on.

Every Dragon Quest player finds themselves in this position eventually- hopefully with all their money in the bank!
Alright, it's just another mini boss, we can take him. We can take him, even with low MP, and no way of getting it back... This is not going to end well.

Mess with the weird buffalo thing, you get the comically oversized horns.
Not nearly as frightening as I had expected, to be totally honest with you. Or at least in appearance, because he can deliver some sick-nasty blows, even to George. I can't tell you much to do, other than use stat boosts if you recognize them, and be careful because he paralyzes... puts to sleep... pins... somethings the party members, and they become useless for a few rounds. Also, THE FUCKER RAN OFF AGAIN!

'Why are YOU scared!? YOU haven't been killed in this cave!'
I fucking swear by all that is unholy, if your pants aren't soaked in fear-induced piss right now, they will be by the time I'm done with you, you little son of a whore.

Moving on, we take the door and head down a level. I think we're getting close to the end, because this place is awfully symmetrical.

Yeah, that's no good.
Which is a sure sign of a final boss... unfortunately.

Crap, big doors too? This is gonna hurt...
Yep, this looks like a final boss to me, at least for this dungeon. Let's see how badly it kicks our ass, shall we?

Ok, I think it's important to remember here that while this is a unicorn, in old legends unicorns used to rape virgins, and that's why they would only approach them. Here's hoping my party is full of sluts.

We are as pure as the driven snow, it would seem. This thing starts out every round with a debuff that hits the whole party, and then follows it up with an attack that hits the whole party. Of course I was able to find that Gogo has a heal spell that refills one person's HP to max, but he had just enough MP left to cast it twice. Then the hero died, which actually made the battle a bit easier, since I was focused on healing less people. Of course, I had one tank, and I had a caster with no MP, and one that had to cast group buffs every round or we would die, but I did manage to beat it, just barely.

Much to my surprise, though, once the battle is over the child is still with us! Is this some sort of wacky voodoo where he's running toward battle instead of away? In any event, I'll take it.

We step into the next room, and:

'If you like breathing, please express this thought as ''Free Ressurrections for Everyone!'' GO.'
How the hell did he get in here?! Does he live here? Is there a back fucking door we could have taken?! I hate this dungeon!

'Or drown the kid for our amusement. We're good either way.'
I love this dungeon! Drown the little asshole! Hold his head under water until he stops struggling! No? Oh well, that almost made me happy. He just stood under the water for a bit, then came out and I guess asked the party to take him back home.

On the plus side, the person who has the warp instantly back to town spell is dead, and the person with the spell that warps us out of dungeons has 1 MP, so that's good... Did I say good? I meant FUCK! We're going to have to do this the hard way, which is coincidentally what she said.

We return the little bastard to the throne room, where I'm sure he'll take credit for everything we did.

'Good job, son! Taking credit for other peoples' work is the most important part of being king!'
Yep, look how much work he did, getting the Hero killed, and the rest of the party almost dead. Little ingrate.

The Dread Fiend BeBeBeBo? I can see it.
I seriously seriously hate this little son of a bitch, and if it's the last thing I do, I'll end his reign as king with a blood bath the likes of which this world has never even dreamed of. With EGL Goddess as my witness, I will make them tremble and quake at my name... whatever it is, because I still haven't spontaneously developed the ability to read Japanese.

On a good note, I take up fully healed with the party leader alive, and when I speak with the king twice (the second time was an accident) he gives me a thing. I suspect it's a magic key, because I walked into one of those red doors, like on the house we found, and it opened for me. This is great, because we know where we're going next.

Tomorrow. I'm going to try to start making the Friday updates big ones, but understand that real life is a bit full of chaos, so I may not always be able to pull it off. Thanks for reading, and there'll be more rage for you soon!

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