We don't always like being nonplussed

Monday, August 29, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 37 (BOOBIES!!!!!!!)

And we're back after a weekend with no electricity! Well, not a whole weekend, just enough to screw up any plans I had for playing this thing ahead of time to figure out what to do next, so I had to spend most of the time since it came back figuring out what the hell I do. I'm taking a long shot, here, but I think I've got it.

That map's filling out nicely!
I've found this location on the map, along with a few others that could be important, but this one sticks out. Why? Because you can only get to it from under water, and that's the gimmick I'm working with for the moment. See, under the sea:
The Simpsons is pretty much guaranteed to be on SOME channel at any given moment.
There'll be no accusations, just friendly crustaceans, under the sea!... I was channeling the Simpsons for a moment there, sorry.

But under the water, you can see a nice little path through the rocks, while above the water:

Good episodes, however? Not so much.
All we have is a nice little pond... Or is that a cove? I've never been too big on water, since I sink like a rock any time I set foot into it. Seriously, I've walked out of at least a dozen swimming pools, trying to prove to people that this happens. It's frightening, and I don't do it anymore because I've almost drowned. Anyway, you're not here to hear about my near death experiences, you're here for:

A... whore house? Is it a whore house? It sure as hell looks like a whore house, or at least a beauty salon... Why do I register those two things as being similar?... Oh! I remember. Smells that can destroy the nose of the average mortal being.

Oh, wait! This is the style contest!
Well, it could be a salon... But I don't have the slightest clue what I'm doing here. Time to talk to random NPCS!

Well, neither the fat guy in red or the bunny girl seem to tell me anything important, and the priest here doesn't let me save the game... Why the hell would he even be here if he won't let me save? I guess I'll head down stairs into the perm room, braving the smells of melting hair, and see what's up.

...this is from memory? When did you spend time in a beauty parlor? -Ed.
Hmm, they seem rather exclusive. The bad part is that in real life, I can actually smell these chemicals, because the memory and revulsion is so strong.

This guy sure does talk about the number 8 a lot. And I don't know what he wanted, but he asked me a yes or no question, then let me inside. I guess that's good?

Possibly not- I think a guy at Alltrades Abbey wanted to class-change to Bunny Girl...
Is this a strip club? It sure as hell looks like a strip club, and there are bunny girls... This place could have just gotten much, much more awesome.

A lot of the people around the stage don't respond to you when you talk to them, or just say things that bare a striking resemblance to: "Heh heh, boobs," though I can't be sure. There's also a table with three people sitting at it by the side of the room, and I'm starting to think I just walked in on some sort of amateur stripper event...

And something else I've noticed. A lot of the people here are spouting out a string of katakana that I recognize, because it's the stat that has perplexed me since day one.

Even in centimeters that would be absurdly huge. Like, Dog the Bounty Hunter's wife huge, at least.
The last one on the list there, which I thought was magic defense... Is that stat boobs? Does this game have a stat just for bust size? Do I have to find what items will boost cleavage to max to get the people here to talk to me? Well... I might as well see what I can do about it.

I could keep this going, but maybe I shouldn't.
Uhhh... Hero has some pretty nice knockers, I guess... No one is talking to me any differently, though I'm kind of happy about that, if we're being honest. I guess I'll see what's back stage... Please let it be boobies.

Search the drawers! ...the DRESSER DRAWERS! Although this IS Toriyama we're talking about, so...
Oh thank god, it's boobies... Well, at least women. I have nothing against male strippers, but I don't want another man's junk flapping around in my face for any reason, even a medical emergency. Admit it, even if you do like the wang, they look ridiculous. [Ed note: They look silly so we don't feel so gyped about bleeding once a month... I mean sure we're in horrible pain... but at least it doesn't look ridiculous. -AD]

Oh, something new is happening now that I've left the dressing room! There's a lot of really ugly people on the stage, and the man standing on the steps is asking me who I want to send up. I guess it'll be the hero, since he has the boobs of god.

I actually might have a bit of competition here, since that is one cute little red headed girl. Good grief.

And I'm now wondering what the hell I'm doing here, because one by one, we're all heading to the end of the runway, spinning, and then walking back.

On the catwalk, on the catwalk, etc.
This is a really boring strip club.

But it looks like I'm the best stripper of them all! Yay!

Winner: Number 5!
Ohhh! They give you items, too! That's cool, but I don't know what they are... Hmm, I wonder if this is important. Do I have to win a certain number? I'm going to guess something between 5 and 8. There's bound to be a quest item or something from winning all of them, so I guess I'll try.

Damn, I was only able to win three. I guess Hero wasn't boobs enough to win, which is kind of sad seeing as the last one was against a zombie, Sabin, and two old people... so three zombies. It's sad when you loose to the elderly and the walking dead. Still, I'll check to see if any of the items were good. I could use some armor that gave the hero more boob score.

Nope, or at least nothing I can figure out at the moment. Which means one of these is likely a trigger that I have to show to an NPC... Or I have to go back and win more contests, and in any event, I'm going to call it for the day. I'll be back tomorrow, power gods willing.

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