We don't always like being nonplussed

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 49 (Holy department of backstory, Batman!)

And welcome back for Wednesday. I keep feeling like I should come up with some titles for them, like "Wacky Wednesday," or "Manic Monday," but to be honest, most of these things feel more like they should be labeled, "Terrible Tuesday," or "Fuck off Friday." Not that I don't enjoy doing it, I just think they would be more realistic that way.

So, when we last left off, I had done the fusion dance with myself, and we were kind of out of options on what to do. Since it seems to me that we've been to every town on the map, and we received no magic armor from finishing this quest, we're going to have to start going back to towns we know until we find some form of plot hook.

Off we go!

Hey, it's Unique-Sprite Soldier Guy!
Call me wacky... Actually, don't, please. But all the same, this looks kind of important. Just call it a personal hunch, but I think we're in for quite a lot of exposition. Let us see what happens.

I sit through about ten screens of text from the guard captain, and he must be really excited because I keep seeing the symbol for king in his random babble. After he's done speaking to me, he asks me a question, which I can only guess is do I want to kill myself, so I, of course, say yes. Sadly, this does not end the game, or him, either of which would have been lovely, and he instead asks me another question, likely if I'm sure about my demise. I hit yes again.

Did I know his name was Franco? Because it is.

Well, this review was a lot of fun, gang, but it looks like it's over! Smell ya later, su... GOD DAMN IT!

Besides which, ''Pants'' is just such a fun word to say.
Well it looks like the king is either generous or cruel, and granted us a stay of suicide, however that works. He too seems really excited for no reason that I can comprehend, so I'm going to guess he just got a new pair of pants. That's a good reason to be excited, right? No? Well fuck you, I like pants.

A few dozen screens of text later, and the king asks us a question. At this point I'm kind of hoping it involves killing him, because he's making us suffer, and that's cruel and unusual punishment. I mean, we saved him and his woman, and this is what he's putting us through? Time for regicide.

After a bit of talk, the king and his goon leave the room and we're treated to:

No clue. Pants!
More gaping void of exposition! HoorayfuckIwishIcouldreadthis! Like I've said before, I am enjoying this game, but it's getting a tiny bit frustrating because I AM enjoying it, but don't know what the cock sock is going on! I'm going to have to play this in English, if the DS remake hasn't been too badly mangled. [AD note: According to Flailthroughs and Co, it's really good.] (It really is, but I'm partial to the way modern DQ games are handled. -Rob)

Oh look, something's happening!

I'm not going to spoil a major plot point here, because that would make the scene creepy enough without the Witch Who Likes To Watch. -Rob
Ok, I take it back, things are looking up... Except for the witch at the side of the bed. That's slightly creepy. She's just sitting there, watching me sleep with... Sorry, next to, the queen. I guess though that by laws of proper grammar I AM sleeping with her.

Whatever the wording, I press a button and instantly pop out through the sheets. Probably because I noticed the old hag sitting there, watching me, probably smiling a toothless grin. She starts talking, and I hope by all that is good and holy what she's telling me is not, "Scoot over and make room."

Since it'll let me, I decide to take a look around the castle.

'You can tell the witch I'm not going back in there until she's GONE.'
So, he was just sitting there?... I mean, in the next room, sitting there, listening? I quit. Where and how can I leave this castle, and how far away from it can I get in one night? Time to figure out how to GTFO.

Is this what a plot point looks like?
How nice, a save point came to visit us from Final Fantasy 6. It certainly is pretty... odd, to see that here, in the middle of the castle... It's probably a trap, or something... Well, I guess I'm going to walk on it.

Holy crap, blurry screen!

How did we designate flashbacks before sepiatone?
Holy crap, sepia tone! That means flashback!

I don't know what's going on here, but the generic guard captain and I seem to be talking to the soldiers about something or other. One of them bounces up and down excitedly for a moment, and then gets yelled at. I guess this is some sort of admonishment for jumping at the table during dinner? Crap if I know.

The scene ends as the guards leave the room, and I start to follow, but the captain speaks with me and I reply with my famously witty remark, "..." It's kind of sad that that's the one thing I'm capable of understanding regularly in this whole game, and all it leads me to believe is that my character is a jackass. [AD note: Or Red... I mean, he COULD be Red... just sayin'.]

Well, time to look for more glowy star, save point things.

Ok, there's another straight to the south of there, so in we get!

Flashbacks: Gotta Catch `em All!(TM)
I had to take this picture twice, because the first one looked very much like my character and the random guard captain were locked in a loving embrace. No, what they're actually doing is fighting, and as you can see, I'm winning. He speaks with me for a while, I still don't understand what he's saying, and then we're thrown back out into the real world. I guess we have to find all of these things? Probably.

Oh, there's one right on the other side, too!

Isn't that Wagon Guy?
Ok, random old guy on the castle wall. Why? Is he visiting? Is he a dignitary? Is he ammunition for our catapults? Is he the catapult? I don't think it would be the last one, because old people can't throw rocks very far. Not to say that they can't throw them hard, because trust me, they damn well can.

Old guy speaks with me for a while, then the guard, then the queen randomly steps in and the old guy jumps about twenty-two feet into the air in surprise. This is a standard thing, for the elderly, so I'm not going to question it, just smile and nod. I guess we were all talking about which one of us would get to sleep with the queen first? Well sadly I won that bet, with a creepy old witch watching, and her husband sitting thirty feet away in what's basically the same room.

A few more lines of dialog and that scene ends, and since I think I've looked all over the upstairs, it's time to go down.

But we're going to have to cut off now, because I've got a game of D&D to run. Yes, if you hadn't guessed by now, I'm a dork, nerd, and/or geek. Just remember, you're reading about someone playing video games, so you're no better.

Have fun, all!

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