Pokemon Black - Day 4 (A tale of two sweaters.)

So as I exit the gym, I run into someone... and by run into them, I mean they run up to me on the steps of the gym and begin to harass me. I'm going to guess by the lab coat and long hair, not to mention the two little pixels of flesh color where the legs should be, indicating a skirt, that this should be an assistant of Prof. Bladdernut. Let's call her Peanut.

How nice, Peanut seems to have led me into the house of a random stranger. That's cool, I mean... wow, I just don't think I would be as cool under pressure as these people are being, sitting there and ignoring everything that's going on around them. Then again, I would probably lock the doors to my house. She seems to want me to follow her upstairs, so let's follow her up... stairs...



I don't know what this crazy lady wants, but I'm a little kid and I don't want to be here right now. That bed is a good enough reason as any for someone to start sending out the little murderers they keep in their pocket, then dive out of the window for safety... but that's not how video games work, so... well, let's see what she wants, as if I couldn't guess.

Oh hell yeah! She just gave me an HM! Thank you creepy lady! Sure I'll climb into your freakish machinery! Is there a vice or something to hold my head still to make this easier when I start having the inevitable night terrors? Sweet!


Seriously though, why would anyone ever climb into something that looks like that? I'll tell you why, because that's just the sort of thing you have to do to become a pokemon master, that's why... or not. It seems that I'm not supposed to climb into the mad scientists torture bed quite yet, so I think that now would be an ideal time for me to hightail it out of there, before they decide to open me up and see if I'm a Pokemon in a people suit... It's possible. Look at Giovanni, he's actually six Digletts and a Sandslash in a rubber costume... It's true.

Ok, so I'm trying to figure out where I go next, and the options seem to be the dark evil forest, or a nice, pleasant looking garden... but then there's this guy.


You see this guy? Yeah, this guy right here, he's a dick. The second you try to walk in he's all, "No, you cannot enter! You must first find/beat/eat the magical mcguffin, and only then may you enter!" and I'm all like, "I have a pocket full of tiny murderers, out of my way!" But he won't listen, and I back off... damn him. I guess I'll head toward the forest, but first thing's first, I want to teach someone this HM, which I'm going to guess is Cut. Looks like you're up Sqirk, since you're the only one that can learn it.

Ok, so I wander into the forest to see what's up, and this place seems to be some sort of abandoned area, but as with most abandoned buildings in the world, there are a lot of teenagers hanging around the outside doing nothing but wanting to fight. I fight a girl whose skirt is way too short, some guy who looks like a jerk, and... wait, this one doesn't want to fight? Ok... yes, yes... Wwhat? Freaking sweet! The girl in question just gave me a Derp-Monkey! It looks like the plant type, so I'm not going to complain as I needed one... hmm. Well, I'm going to have to level him up too, I suppose.

Anyway, Yanappu, or Dunky, short for Derp-Monkey, but changed a bit because meh, I like the sound of it better.

So there's a tree here which I dispatch, much like a ten year old Highlander (There can be only one!... Shrubbery!... Nii!), and then the girl in the green hat appears out of nowhere, shoves me out of the way, and climbs through the hole... Well hello to you too, rude bitch. I'm amazed your ass got through the hole. Seriously, is she supposed to be endearingly dunder-headed or something? Because when you can't understand her, she just comes off as being oblivious and not caring about the feelings of others.

I take a step through the door to an abandoned building, once she gets her fat ass out of the way, and I hear a noise, which makes her follow me... yay. We both take a few steps forward, and there's... some sort of floating, hippie piggy bank thing. Either way, I want to catch that little bastard and I rush forward, which causes two members of the Knightly Order of Plasma to spring out from behind a wall, likely where they've been hiding for some time. They talk to the pokemon a little bit, then... wait... I was told these guys were supposed to want to help pokemon not be abused by humans, or that may be wrong because I heard it through the intrawebs... Why did they just punch the floating piggy bank?

Now of course they want to fight me... and look at these dorks.


It looks like all of the worst parts of a Medieval Times threw up on them, and they didn't bother to wash it off when they were done. And that's another thing..

Look at how she's bending her arm. Let me tell you, as someone that makes chain mail and has worn plate mail in the past, there's no way in hell she's ready for any type of quick movement, or even really good movement... honestly, even with the little that she's wearing, she shouldn't be lifting her arm up that high... Well, maybe if you have a really good smith working for you.

Well I beat them, and to show their displeasure they're kicking the crap out of the poor pokemon. Pigno, just set them on fire for me, will you? Oh, never mind. Their leader has shown up and... uh... showed up again?


I think their leader is talking to the pokemon, now... I'm not entirely sure, but in the world of pokemon we have to be honest that it's the least odd thing someone could do with a pokemon. The grunts then run off, which is good to see, and the magical twins disappear only to reveal the piggy bank's mother, who... is trailing pink bubblegum boogers... alright. The crazy scientist woman has shown up now, so I guess she needs the booger pig for the frightening bed, and let's be honest, who doesn't need one for that? The monster however doesn't seem interested, and hightails it out of there, leaving behind a pokeball that the scientist picks up... this, for one, bothers me. Either it was an item, and that's not so bad, or the pokemon have started keeping each others as slaves in order to bribe humans. What happens if you catch a pokemon with a pokeball in a pokeball? My guess would be an implosion. Implosions are almost never good.

Ok, that's it for today, more up tomorrow!