We don't always like being nonplussed

Monday, July 25, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 13 (Holy Bearded Lizard, Batman!)

And we're back for another Monday update. Sorry it's a bit late, but a friend was having computer problems, and as far as I can tell those problems are mostly that computers hate him, and would rather kill themselves than have much to do with him. I could tell stories, but that's not why we're here. We're here so you can watch me have a minor conniption fit while playing a game, and that's cool.

So, when we last left off the kingdom had just let me leave with the person that may have been impersonating their king, and I don't know why anyone would let me do that. Thankfully, I'm pretty sure that I know where I'm going, since from here there's a gate to the south, and it's the only place I haven't been, yet.

Ooh, a save priest on the way to your next destination? That's NEVER good.
Yeah, this place looks significant, but it could just be me guessing that. There's another dead guard to the north, but he doesn't seem nearly as important, since the priest is only giving this one last rites... or maybe he was Jewish. Or maybe the one the priest is by is Jewish, and the priest is hoping for a last minute conversion, since the church has kind of been struggling.

Also, he saves my game for me, so I think he at least has my vote. Remember the secrets to life, which are to eat well, get plenty of exercise, and save often... well, at least I save often.

Oh goody!

Why yes, there IS a job system! And job levels are separate but you advance by fighting monsters your approximate level, so he's wise here to not overlevel. -Ed.
Poison swamp! Just what I was totally hoping to find, except not. It's my guess that I'm going across that little bridge, since it's the hardest path to take. I'm just glad I took the time over the weekend to get some power leveling done, though not too much since I'm betting there's a job system later in the game. That's something I'm told plays a big part in DQ games, and I don't know if they're separate from class levels, or what, so I'm kind of getting by on the good armor I got from that casino ages ago. Here's hoping it lasts me!

This is the traditional DQ marker for Bad Mojo Ahead.
Ok, I think this is where I'm supposed to be. This looks evil enough to justify those guards being killed, so I guess I'll wander in and check things out for a bit...

Yep, this looks like the right place. I haven't run into much more than a few recolor monsters... and I take that back.

Killer Goose! ...has Akira Toriyama ever SEEN a goose?
What in Dr.Frankenstein's penis collection is that? I'm sure they have some name like Dodo, but they look a lot more like Doodoo to me. Still, I'll call them Hurrdo's, since... well, look at them. If they aren't nature's short bus riders, then I don't know what is. They're also not that hard, but I have a feeling that's because they're attacking my tanks, and they have the good armor... is it Metal Babble armor? I've heard people mention it before, so it might be.

Anyway, after I kill the Hurrdo herd, which I guess would either be a Herd'o Hurrdo, or possible the collective scientific word for a gather might be a Derp of Hurrdo, I move on in my travels through this cave, which seems to consist of me heading downward... guess I'm going underground...

Faerie Dragon? If that's a dragon, the Hurrdo's a goose.
Butterfree, what did they do to you?! Seriously, though, that is sort of what they look like, if you just super glued wings to a Metapod and called it that. They're not really that hard, either, and good for a fair amount of XP. I continue farther downward, hoping for new things to encounter, like this:

...nah, let's stick with Fart Monster. If you want to know the real name, grab a katakana chart and play along at home!
... Fart Monster? That's kind of what it looks like to me, or at least something entirely unwholesome. It's really not that hard to beat, which is always good.

Anyway, we continue on in the cave, and it's not too long after my encounter with that little gas gremlin thing that I notice that the naturally formed, or perhaps roughly hewn walls of the cave have changed over to brick, or at least better hewn walls... is that a word? *checks google* Close enough!

If you say or type it often enough, it no longer sounds like a word. Hewn hewn hewn.
Yep, it is really starting to look like we're somewhere important. Call it another one of my hunches, which almost never seem to pan out as I expect, but I'll guess that there's going to be a castle behind this door... or a boss fight. I guess we'll see, shan't we? That's right, I said shan't, and I shan't do it again.

Somebody named Shera said 'Please wait.' That's all I got.
Well, something is happening anyway, but I still haven't absorbed enough Japanese via osmosis to figure out what. I'll bet the... floors shook, or we heard a far off noise, or something along those lines. Well, either way a lot of this place is almost pitch black, as I find out when I walk into the next room. I also find out that the monsters here are pretty damn ugly.

Stone Beasts.
Ugly, with REALLY high defense, and can do a lot of damage when they want to. I would try running away, but that always seems to result in my untimely death, so I think I'll just cast the spell that I think lowers their defense, or something, since we then do more damage. It works, but damn we took a beating.

I wander around for a little bit in hopes of figuring out what I'm doing, when I stumble onto these.

It sure beats torches and RADIANT spell.
I don't know what to make of them, aside from them being holes in the floor that let light through into the dark, blank level below... Oh, wait! That's exactly what they do! Cool!

And in all fairness, it does make it much, much easier to travel around down here.

Sometimes gimmick dungeons are kind of neat.
I simply have to avoid even a slightly objectionable muscle twitch, or I end up right back where I was... weee! Well, it's not that bad, things can always be worse...


But even then they're usually annoying.
Never, ever tempt the humor demons. they are always watching, and the second you even think that things can't get worse, this shit happens. Honestly it's still not that bad, but I do happen to be playing this on a rather touchy, 20 year old controller, so you have to realize it's a bit harder than it looks. Still, the party makes it down just fine, and we're confronted with significant stairs.

They rarely have stairs that ornate for simple treasure.
Yeah... if there's not a boss fight near here, then I will be kind of surprised. I would say that I'd be surprised enough to do something comical, but then it would prove me wrong, and I don't have a tuba, liverwurst, and the Vienna Boys' Choir on hand, so... Well, just don't use your imagination for that one. It's not illegal or anything, but you would lose a lot of friends.

Oh, look:

Ack! It's Mudo/Murdaw!
I guess I wouldn't have had to do anything, which is good, because the only air compressor I have isn't nearly powerful enough anyway.

Looks like it's time to fight:

Also known as Toriyama Ugly Green Thing #563-B. Love his work, but you can't help seeing it.
A bearded lizard in a cape... Sure, why not? For this battle I think I'm going to have the Hero and Casper use the defense down thing spells, while Elf keeps us healed, and George uses his attack that isn't his attack option but the other attack to the right of it. It has worked for everything else up until this point, and I'd bet that here's where it'll fail.

This is an interesting battle. It turns out that there's an auto battle option, that sets your party to decide what to do for themselves. How did I figure this out? Because the boss has an attack that apparently switches the party from manual to auto, and means that they all start using whatever they think is the strongest attacks they have. Just as a side note, every time you hit him with magic, he will anally violate the party with what is most likely a pineapple. So, don't use magic.

I was able to beat him, amazingly, after I figured out how to change back to manual attack options. And I got a huge Goddamn wad of XP for it as well, making me wish I could fight him again... nah, I'm just kidding, I'd rather poke myself in the genitalia with a shrimp fork.

After the battle ends, there's a big confrontation,

He's more Porunga than Sheng Long, I think.
Which seems to be us sitting around and having tea, or at least it looks like Shen Long there should be holding a little cup of tea in his surprisingly tiny hands.

See? Guru just kicked off.
Ohh, ok, now he's a ghost, and we're all just kind of sitting around, so what do... wait! Do I still have that anti-ghost crap I got from the witch on hand?!

Cue Ra's Mirror...
Uhh, I don't think that was it, but all the same it's success!

Enter... Ra's... old guy?
Ok, once again, not what I was expecting. but sure, why not? The old guy seems just as confused as I am, and I guess they're either husband and wife, or father and daughter, but in a moment the entire freaking kingdom I've just come from walks into the room, and escort out the two nobles in what I can only hope is a fraction of the same confusion I'm feeling right now.

Well, it looks like I'm being left to my own devices, so this is a good place to call it for now. There'll be more tomorrow, as always, so keep reading!

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