We don't always like being nonplussed

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Dragon Quest VI/6 - Day 16 (In which everything is out to rape me.)

It's tomorrow, gang! Though I suppose it's actually today to you, but you're all really strange, so I don't listen too much to what you have to say.

So anyway, it's back into what I'm going to bet is the same castle from before!... Didn't we need a dragon to get into it, last time? How did we do that? Oh! We started out by throwing an ocarina into the air, right?

Does everybody else remember how this ride ended?
Yes, yes, and then the big, blurry dragon appeared, right?

Because I don't know about you but I think I'd be wantin' off about now.
And then, he crashed us into the side of the castle!

No? Oh well, at least the hero is the last one to explode.
And then we died! Well, not entirely, there was some wandering, and then we walked into that Boss' room, and he made us explode. It should be much easier this time around, though, hehe...

So, we all died.
I talked to my party who were all just standing around, and then went up and found a mimic, who killed us all before we got a chance to fight him. WEEE! But I guess this is a good thing, because all of that walking back through and into the castle is good for leveling!...

Psyche! We can totally teleport back, it seems!

I'm starting to have anthill flashbacks from Romancing Saga 2... -Ed.
So this is awesome, because it means I totally know what to expect on the way through the tower, which just so happens to be nothing at all, and that's extra awesome... Except it's also totally wrong.

Whenever anyone lists three professions(well, I use 'profession' loosely here) my first response is '...walk into a bar.'
Jesus Christ, look at him! I don't know if he's a druid, a priest, or a serial rapist. I think it's at least two out of those three choices, and none of them will combine well together. I suppose it's important to note that all of the monsters in here, save the one I've shown you, are recolors, and that means that they're generally the most dangerous thing in the area.

And this is a very touchy subject, because believe it or not I just had to delete a paragraph that sounded horribly racist. Don't believe me? Just rant for a moment about funny colored monsters, and you'll see.

Anyway, I've spotted a new one, and:

Uhhh, it sure is a thing, isn't it? It looks like what would happen if Cell and Kefka had a lov... You know that? I'm never finishing that sentence. Let's move on to something else, shall we?

Shaggy and Scooby would be running by now.
It looks like George found himself, or at least his corpse from earlier? I guess the us at the start of the game was a different us? Does that sound right to you? Well, there are two of that one kingdom, so I guess there could be two of us...

And they would be the smart ones.
And then George exploded in a cloud of sparkles, which the corpse ate... What? Maybe... Oh hell, I don't know what's going on, but I guess this makes sense to someone, somewhere. Now, back to things that make sense. We should have a double walrus door around here somewhere that opens up into 1967, so let's find it, shall we?

I do find it, and George tells me something, which I don't know what it is but I'll assume it's, "Don't let the fat ugly guy spin us through the air, then explode us," and we step in.

It's never good when the villain says 'WAHAHAHAH.'
Oh gods, we've failed! ABORT MISSION! ABORT MISSION! OH CRAP, WE'RE SPINNING! WE'RE SPINNING! Well, we're dead again. We fade to the exposition void, and I guess we did something wrong? No, that can't be it, this is an old RPG, so we would have been brought back to the title screen afterward... Wait! Something is happening!

Ra's Mirror apparently solves everything. Where do I get one?
I wake back up in my home, just like the start of the game, the main difference being that the mirror thing is standing in the door way, significantly so. I bet this is a trigger or something!

See? We'll book Ron Popeil for the infomercial and be billionaires by Tuesday!Yep, this is significant in a teleportation kind of way, and we all find ourselves back in the loving embrace of...
'Miss us?'Uhh, well, I guess he sort of looks like what would happen if Rush Limbaugh had a baby with an alligator... Which is only impossible because the alligator probably has higher standards than that. This could be a pain in the ass, but I think I'm just going to all out assault the bad guy, then heal and hope for the best, since magic tends to backfire.

And I seem to have been right, yay! As a note, don't attack the Cell Jr's at his side, because he'll just summon more of them. After the fight, tall dark and ugly goes through his, "I can't believe I've lost," rant, and then I guess we'll have a beer to celebrate.

Uh... no?
Or he's about to fuck us, hard, without lube.
...yeah, that one.So hard, and not even a reach-around... And we all died a horrible death, as well, so I think we're going to have to call it here for the day, and power level a hell of a lot before we can go on to fight the fat man. Sorry that this wasn't nearly as interesting as I might have liked, but now and then in life, a giant bearded lizard fucks you.

Be back tomorrow for the end of the fight... hopefully!

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