I knew it. See, there's really nothing wrong with some old game stereotypes, because this is the sort of thing that happens in good fantasy stories. Bilbo didn't go to the south Bronx to rob Smaug, and I sure as hell wouldn't blame him for it.
Though honestly:
This is one of the least frightening caves I've seen, so far. It even has a fat guy in a fez, which is generally a sign of nothing being too evil... Unless the fez is evil, and I've always had my suspicions. To add to the lack of fear, directly down the hall from him are a group of people that seem to be eating dinner. Unless it is the dinner of death, this place is all out of evil points.
Ok, a bit more evil looking, and talking to the soldiers makes them step aside for me, so I guess this really is the right place. Awesome. Time to fight a couple of monster guard thingies, and go to the inevitable boss battle.
Hmm, which to kill first... I'm going to go with the wolf-cat thing in the speedo, because no one anywhere should ever wear a speedo. I'm sorry, Australia, but it's the truth, and you'll just have to deal with it.
Might have miscalculated a bit. The annoying bit there is that he's the one with the spell that brings people back from the dead, so after this battle I'm going to have to play "Which one is the Phoenix Down," to get him back. Assuming we live, because this guy is a cock.
Looks like I'm starting a collection, doesn't it? I almost want all of the rest of the party dead, so it'll look like some sort of necrophiliac harem... Conga line, thing. But then I realized George would be in there, and I horrified myself to the core. As for Gogo... who knows? I can't tell someone's gender through a Persian rug, can you?
Hazaa! I remember what the res item looks like! Now it's time to move forward, and probably die!
Damn, most of the monsters in here are freaking vicious... Also, they're a Conga line.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, but pallet swap monsters are a bane to my existence. I mean, these guys aren't too hard, but there are what I can only describe as Harlequin Knights which are kicking my ass. But I don't think I'm alone in here, now.
Ok, remember the guy that we saw leaving town at the start of this city, who was dragging a coffin? I'm starting to wonder if he wasn't coming here as well, dead commander in tow. Think for a bit about how many guard captains had to die for this quest... At least two, that's how many. But this is something I can't dwell on long, because I'm soon attacked by:
The ugliest goddamn lizard I have ever seen. Seriously, it has three eyes! I guess that would make it a Trimeleon? Good enough, but really it's not that hard. I think its main power is to make you question the existence of God, which it does quite well. After the battle it's to the left and down a set of stairs for me, which should put me just south of Wisconsin. I think I'm right in my geographic location, because of all of the lizard eggs.
Why do I guess they're lizard eggs, aside from the fact that they're underground, and that's not a normal bird habitat?
Because when you check the eggs:
an abomination of nature pops out. Thankfully though, they're easy to kill, and good for a nice little portion of XP... or possibly gold, or even toast for all I know. But heading to the north, I find exactly what I was expecting.
Fucking camper! God I hate spawn campers, don't you? It just makes me sick to my... my...
You know what, buddy? You can have this one, on me. I don't mind in the least.
... Oh my god, I wish I had a way to show you all this cut scene. That's right, a cut scene.
The image really doesn't do even slight justice to what I just saw, which was the guy in the blue bandana... I guess it's a bandana, jumping around like a chipmunk on crack, as he threw lightning at the lizard, dodged boulders, and generally looked as bad ass as a 16-bit midget can... I suspect at some point, he's going to join our party...
Ohhh! So that's what it's for!
The coffin is there to collect the soul of the monster, or something! That sort of makes sense, in a very odd way. But he defeats it, takes its soul, then heads off. I guess we'll just take a quick spell out of here, then... ok, we can't use the escape spell, so I guess something happens on the way out.
Aww, I'm going to miss my pet dead guy. I was going to call him Waldo. But we head back to the world map, and then to the castle where we run into What's His Name leaving the castle again, going off to kill bigger things in awesome ways, I suppose. Like I said, I suspect he'll be a party member, but I'm not going to come up with a name for him yet, since I can barely keep the party names I have straight, in my head.
But that's it for today! Come back for tomorrow's update, where I figure out what the hell I do next, I hope!
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