Pokemon Green Flailthrough Day 2

Ah, there's nothing like incessant level grinding! I'd like to point out that Rattata looks like he's throwing up his front leg, and Pidgey's tail looks like it's on fire. Aaaaanyway, I have gotten a newfound appreciation for Leech Seed... or at least I think that's what it is, since I throw three round things at the enemy and little sprouts pop up around them, but what do I know? It could be poo, or fertilizer. Either way, getting my health back is nice. I've also noticed the fact that my mother screams at me whenever I go home and take a nap. I'm sorry Mommy, but my little blossom frog needs to heal up! As soon as he's big and strong, and can protect me on my tender ten year old butt on my trek through the wilderness, I promise you won't bother you ever again!



Well in an effort to get some plot out of the way... I asked my boyfriend what I was supposed to be doing. It seems that I was supposed to go pick up a package, which makes sense. So I did that, got yelled at by the cashier, and then delivered the package to Professor Oak... and got yelled at. Jeez! Guys, seriously, stop it! I haven't done anything, gimme a break! Then Green showed up and get a book... or the Pokedex as I've been told... and HE yelled at me some more. So... am I just living in the angriest town in the world? That would certainly explain why the adults are all alright with their small children leaving town to go trek through the woods and catch wild animals. They're hoping to either kill us young 'uns off, or to make us as bitter and angry as they are! It all makes sense now!

Surprisingly enough, Green's sister didn't yell at me at all. She spoke to me, and then just gave me the map. The game yelled at me that I had received it (or I assume it's a map, it just looked like a book), but she did not. Clearly the angry has not infected her yet. Now with map and Pokedex in hand, I have been assured my adventure can start. Hooray! Now where do I get Pokeballs?

Ah, the store where I got Oak's parcel, fantastic! What the HELL are they selling?! Um... I've been assured that the list contains: pokeballs, antidotes, burn heals and paralyze heals. I'll take their word for it. Time to start catching them all~! Text cannot convey the sarcasm in that statement... hell, I don't think this UNIVERSE is capable of encapsulating the amount of sarcasm I want to infuse into those words. Thank you profit monsters, you've broken the universe!

Oh wow... balls in hand, my first encounter is a Nidoran female... or I assume it is, because I recognize the female symbol at the end of its name. It um... it doesn't look like the Nidoran female we're all familiar with, it kinda looks like a potato with a single snaggle tooth, an oyster shell shoved into its head and the creature appears to be singing. After Leech Seeding it, and then just throwing music notes at it until its health drained enough, I caught the Derporan female.



Oddly enough my next encounter is a Nidoran male. What can I say? The bunnies love me. Unlike his female counterpart, he does not look like a potato, but rather like one of those sail-backed dinosaurs in miniature... with TWO giant oyster shells shoved into its head. In addition to that, it appears to be eating a leek, so I can only assume that it had killed a Farfetch'd, and I interrupted its meal. Time to seed him and ball him, I guess.



Well as they say in the "Hip Hop" bunny got back... Meaning I caught him. Now with the little abominations unto nature in tow, I shall head off to... SHIT! I forgot Green showed up ALREADY! Damn it man, you JUST saw me a few minutes ago! Why don't you go poke Pidgeys with sticks or something, and let me get my catch on? Well what do you know? The first out of his ball was a Pidgey, the troll pokemon. I HATE Sand Attack SO freaking HARD!!! So once I get rid of little trollie bird, I have to fight Derpmander... with no accuracy and half my health gone.The bunnies are no help because they're having sex... Oh, wait... I mean low level. No, really.

Ah, Leech Seed came to my rescue. Tackle kept missing, because of trollie bird's efforts, but Leech Seed just kept on trucking, all while I couldn't land a hit, and Derpmander threw attack-lowering music notes at me. I'm very thankful that he's so dumb. As a result, I defeated Green, and stole his lunch money, as is customary in Pokemon battles. He then yells at me, which is no surprise, since I just stole his money, and then tromped off. Hey bro, don't hate the player, hate the game. Or your grandfather, hating him is alright too, since this is really all his fault. I mean, if it was up to me, we'd work together to tp and egg his lab, and then leave flaming bags of poo all around the place... but I understand your need for acceptance, and thirst for praise, little orphan boy, and so I will forgive you and your dicketry.

I think I'm going to call it a day here, since I've defeated my rival yet again, and psychoanalyzed him all in one go, and I need to savor my superiority over all that is Green Oak... Or whatever his last name is. See you guys later, and until then remember... singing potato oyster.