It looks like I'm being attacked by some form of rogue sombrero
, though I think this is supposed to be a UFO. I remember that they were all over Earthbound, and I also remember that they had a laser weapon that was a massive pain in the butt, so I'm hoping it doesn't have that in this version...It does, and for someone with an HP max of 78, something that does around 20 damage a hit is no laughing matter... unless of course you are an evil sombrero, in which case it would be something you could laugh at, I suppose. And if I'm not mistaken, those little guys also have either something that raises their defense a good deal, or something that heals them. Either way, they're jerks, and I'm not going to play with them anymore.
Also worth note, in this area is a new breed of centipede, which is poisonous. Joy! Thankfully one of the PSI powers I have seems to be an antidote spell or something, so after wandering around for nearly ten minutes poisoned, I figured it out by using that ability by accident.
I keep heading east now, over a series of bridges until I find the road which dead ended some time back. It dead ends again, but then reappears and leads me to this...
"This bridge is being guarded by hunchbacks with sunglasses, move along citizen!" or at least that's what I expect them to say. In reality they're kind enough to step aside and let me through, so I promise that I will never make fun of another hunchback as long as I live... Aside from my girlfriend's mother, but that's only because she also looks like she's melting into a sofa.
So I follow the road behind them, and that leads me to a cave... judging by the monsters I'm not quite supposed to be here yet, so I turn tail and run, following the path south from the Quasimodo brothers... Which takes me right back to the zoo...
Right, this could take a while.
Nope, guess I really am supposed to go to the cave, so here goes everything!
That's odd... this time around there don't seem to be any encounters, so I'm wondering if I just got attacked on the cave door or something. Also, the music in here is quite, quite annoying. It's like a kid with a plastic recorder, and he's just hitting the same eight notes over and over again until you finally snatch it from him and stomp on it because it's slowly pulling out the last thread of sanity that you have. also, there's a statue of a giant ice cream cone.
Or maybe it's a flower... Or possibly a giant, pink doodie. Either way, I guess I'm supposed to do something with it. I try talking to it, searching it, walking around it, and anything else that comes to mind... I know this is important, but I just can't figure out what to do... Time to try PSI powers...
Yep, it's definitely important in some way, I just don't... oh, right, I'm in some sort of marshmallow world now... neat? No, you know that it looks like? It looks like this world was made entirely out of Mentos that someone left out in the sun until it melted into a solid sheet. That or a pile of those little glass counters that people use when playing card games, to keep track of who is the least likely to come home from the comic shop with a date that evening. (Here's a hint: it's a tie!)
Well it looks like everyone here lives in ice cream cones, so it's my guess that this is supposed to be somewhere magical... that and all of the people in pointy wizard hats. That's a pretty big clue too.
So, I wander for a while and discover someone that helps me save... I couldn't tell you where, since everything in the town looks the same... There's someone that wants something from me, but I don't know what. And! And! There are three shops, each of which seems to sell really expensive stuff! None of which I can buy, because my inventory is totally damn full, and besides that I can't seem to find an ATM anywhere in this magical kingdom, unlike the real Disney Land.
I follow the only path out of town and am met by...
More sombreros! I'm starting to notice a trend here, to be honest. So the three amigos here don't seem to want to let me through, and I've gone back and searched the town Christ knows how many times, and there's no other way... I'll need some time to figure this out, but in the meanwhile I've found that you can be attacked here!
As if the gorilla wasn't enough, now some bastard has combined a lizard, a snail, and possibly a candy cane or one of those round mints you only see at Christmas that you can suck on and they get holes like Swiss cheese... Please tell me I'm not the only person that noticed that? I also notice that any attack that isn't a critical hit seems to do far less damage than it should. Say, 5 instead of 35. Also:
These guys? They're assholes. Not only do they constantly call for backup, but they do more damage than the snail monster, and there are usually three of them doing it. I have to run away from them, or else I will die painfully.
I think I'm going to have to call it here, and I'm sorry that it wasn't as interesting as it could be, but I have spent the majority of my time writing this completely lost. I'll try to make a longer post next weekend, but I think I might have to ask a friend for a hint at what to do next, or at least where to find an ATM up here.
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