Also, just as a side note, I've been shuffled from the tv onto the GB SP, because of Fallout New Vegas
. So the pictures will likely be smaller... and probably less fuzzy. So... yeah... I guess you guys are getting the better end of the stick here. I'm not though, because I have the sound of gunshots in my ear. Not that I'm bitter, or anything, I just enjoy being able to hear out of my left ear. Moving right along.Anyway, I pry myself away from the slots and wander off to do some power leveling... Yes I KNOW I'm horribly putting off the dungeon ahead, but I just want to be prepared, ok? And... you... I REALLY don't want to do it... shut up. Once everyone hits level 30, I'll head in, alright? Now stop bothering me.
Out of sheer boredom, I decide to grab a Thunder Stone and evolve my Pikachu... How do I do this, you ask? I asked Flailthroughs and Co. what each floor in the Department store sold, and then bought one of each of the stones and tried them until it said Pikachu could use one, that's how. So now with a Raiderp, I figure I should go ahead and evolve my Vulpix too, for humor value.
It sings fire. Seriously, look at it. It sings fire. That's... actually kinda awesome. I'm not a fan of the random maple leaf on its chest though... Maybe it's Canadian?
Well anyway, now that all my Pokemon are level 30, I guess I'm out of excuses not to go do that dungeon, huh? Damn. Oh well to work with me then... I guess... poop...
Needless to say the Rocket grunts are NOT happy to see me and the yelling ensues. I'm beginning to wonder what the Rocket preoccupation with Ratattas and Raticates are though. One of them threw a level 20 Rattata at me... no, seriously. I laughed too. So I FINALLY make it around the big merry go screw yourself tile puzzle... and find out that I had put the item I needed to use the elevator... IN THE COMPUTER!!! I'm going to start screaming now, and I'm not entirely sure when I'll stop.
Great... Great... I go back to the computer to get the Lift Key, and what do I grab instead? The Coin Case. Little known fact, you can't operate a LIFT with a COIN CASE. So, you remember the part where I mentioned I hated this dungeon? Ok, good, do you also remember the part where I said I was going to start screaming? Yeah, I think I'm going to do that again.
Thank GOD, I got the right damn item this time. If I hadn't, then I'm not sue what I would have done, but it would have been awful, and likely ended in an argument after I finished breaking both the game, and the SP. So I finally get the floor I need to be on, and one of the grunts has this:
Oh sweet bloated echidna of Madrid, what the HELL is that? Sandslash? Is that you? My god, what have they DONE to you? Are you... are you pregnant? Those team Rocket BASTARDS! Don't worry little Derpslash, your death will not be in vain! I'll avenge you... I WILL AVENGE YOU!!!!
The other grunt sends out this:
And strangely enough, he looks more like a real snake, and not as derp as Ekans. I actually kind of like the exaggerated face on his hood, while his own head is almost unnoticeable, that's about how it would work in nature, since the point is to scare the panties off of whatever you think is trying to attack you.
As you can see, I make it to Boss Rocket, and he's as creepy, and hunch-shouldered as ever... much like Kadabra, he does not, in fact, appear to have a neck of any kind. All I really have to say about this is, and spoiler alert here, Silver's mother MUST have been a total babe, and he is LUCKY to look like her.
Anyway, Giovanni sends out Onix, who goes down with laughable ease against my Ivysaur's grassy might, and then I get this:
Now, I don't remember what the sprite for the American release looked like, and I don't feel like looking it up, either, so I'm just going to make fun of this, and call it a day. It kind of looks like Ivysaur in ceremonial battle armor... but made of cake. I'm not a fan of the one tooth hanging out there... Bucky
pulls it off, This thing doesn't... and the way its mouth is hanging open it looks like that ONE fang is the ONLY one in his head... Go home and brush your tooth, homey.Last but not least, we have this:
Is that an alligator in its pouch? Holy shit, it's carrying around a Totodile! Kangaskhan looks like she's made of cake, as per usual apparently, and also only has one tooth apparently... and a pointy beak... No, seriously, look at the weird overhang, it looks like a pointy little beak. Is it a bird Pokemon in this version?
Giovanni is NOT happy about his defeat, and expresses it by giving me almost three grand, and then yelling at me. Once he's done, he ninjas off into the night apparently, leaving behind a Pokeball. I'm not sure what it is, but I think it's a key item. We'll see what it does soon enough, I guess.
Well, by the time I escape this hell hole, my Pidgeotto, Alakazam, Ivysaur, and Balls are level 31. (I love that sentence.) Now, since I have to pass through the casino to get out of here, I could just.. you know... play a little slots... No... wait... oh come on! Please? Just one more time? Please? No, really... I promise, just one... Oh ALRIGHT! I'll go on with the plot... slave drivers.
So I head left, and find my way blocked by... well, it's probably a Snorlax. Not to be deterred, I cut down a tree, and go through a way station. On the other side I go into a little house, just to see what's up... and get HM 2. You know, I'm pretty sure that's Fly, let's see who I can teach it to. Well, fatty fat fat bird can learn it, so by default it's Fly. This is backed up by the fact that I just used it and it let me fly back to Celadon. Sweet! I'm a third of the way to the Missingno trick!
Well I head back the same way, and find out it's actually a dead end, and there's no way down into the area full of people on bikes. I'd take you guys more seriously if those wee motorcycles... but they're not... they're bikes. You're not cool, stop trying to be.
Anyway, this tells me it's time to head back, probably to Lavender Town. Well... Guess what I can do! Well, after a brief detour in Saffron (What? I can't read the freaking names!) I land in Lavender Town. I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to Scooby Doo
my way up Lavender Tower, so I'll get to work on that.The people on the first floor are, unsurprisingly, no help what so ever, since I don't read katakana. Still, I know I should head up the stairs, since I'm pretty sure the naughty bad is at the top of the tower. Up the first set of stairs, and I run into Green. He seems to be asking a lot of questions, and then yells at me, as per normal, and then pulls me into a battle, also par for the course.
I take out his titanically fat bird with little problem, but he seems to have sprouted an Exeggcute, and it puts me to sleep before chucking rocks at my head. Annoying bitches. And then we have the battle of the gods... Gyarados vs. Gyarados... Yes, I see your Schwartz is as big as mine
, Green... but I'm still eight levels higher than you. Really dude, go level grind, it's good for you. It has riboflavin in it, or something. Charmeleon goes down pretty easily too, leaving Green to yell at me like always. I wonder what happened to that Rattata of his... hey wait a minute... tower of dead Pokemon... Green standing next to a grave... So... not only am I competing with him for the attention of the only adult family member he has left... I murdered one of his little pets... and then showed up at the graveside... oooh... aaaaaawkwaaaaard. Thanks for the money though.So after the battle he does a lot of yelling and question asking... I'm sorry, homey, I DON'T know what this is all about, and I KEEP telling you, I'd rather be like, teaming up with you and taking out the Pokemafia or something rather than fighting with you all the time. I mean... I ain't lookin' to compete with you, beat or cheat, or mistreat you. Simplify you, classify you, deny, defy, or crucify you. All I really wanna do is, baby, be friends with you. (If you see what I did thar
, you get like... ALL of my internets AND a ham!)So he stomps off, poor little lamb, and it's time for me to tip-toe through the tombstones! It's like a more macabre version of tip-toeing through the tulips, but I get items for doing it here... and you know, more crazy bitches in white trying to kill you. This must be what it was like to bust in on a mystery cult. But with more ghosts apparently. Gastly looks about par for the course, but with less central mass, so I really don't see a need for a picture.
After about three minutes of trying to figure out why my Persian isn't doing any damage to it, I remember Normal type attacks don't work against Ghosts, and in this version of the game, there's no such thing as Dark attacks. Woops. I slap Gyarado into combat, Dragon Rage at him, and then chunk a ball at the little ghostly bastard, netting him for my Pokedex.Time to move on.
Well, as I wander about, I finally run into a Cubone that I can capture... and kill it. Damn it. I also run into a Haunter, but... well it's a Haunter and it looks like one... though the smile might be a hint creepier. Nothing major. I run into a catch-able Haunter, but apparently, he won't be caught, and continuously breaks out of the ball. Well screw you, I have a Gastly.
Oh my... my Ivysaur evolved into a Venusaur and not looks like this:
Rather than a frog with a tree growing out of its back, it looks more like someone dropped a large potted palm on top of a frog, and then made a sprite of the resulting squished frog with its death grimace. Well done there guys.
Sadly I wasn't paying attention, so I skipped past the opportunity to get the creepy ghost picture, but here's Marowak!
Seriously... it's made of cake. I know I keep saying that, but after watching Ace of Cakes and the various Food Network cake challenges, I'd know that round dumpy style anywhere. Half of these Pokemon HAVE to be made of cake... which makes this game A LOT more delicious than I previously thought it was. Mm, I bet Marowak is like... carrot with cream cheese frosting. Yum. I also note that the skull helmet looks less like a skull and more just like its head here. Maybe its head got too big for mommy's skull?
Either way, my Gyarados makes short work of her, and then a bunch of text shows up on the screen talking about,,. I don't know... ponies. I ignore it, because it's all runic to me, and then head up the stairs. There are a lot of Team Rocket members up here, so let's see what they're up to... Likely Rattatas and Zubats. Let's see.
Well I was right about the Zubats, and then I get this:
You know what? Screw you guys I LIKE this one. No huge creepy tongue, and no waving, plastic-ie stance, it's just fine... except that it could use a few more teeth, and better feet. I'd also like to point out that they basically go back to this design in later generations, just... a little better executed.
Well, I spent most of that battle confused and punching myself in the face. Well done. One of these idiots had a level 23 Rattata... yeah... that's sad. All of these grunts seem to have gone to Green's School for Stage Hogging, because after I beat them, I then have to just sit here and wait for them to walk off the screen... and they don't even have the amusing hair that switches sides... so it's just annoying and boring.
I beat all of them, and they slink off, and then I go talk to an old man about... who knows? Let's say hamsters. After that, he apparently knocks me out and drags me off to... a house full of brats and Pokemon... Is this some kind of Pokesweatshop? I hope not, I have to go fill out this Pokedex for that senile old scientist. I talk to the old man again and he yammers at me some more, likely about how hard it is to find good sneaker sewers or something, and then he gives me something! I don't know what it is, but it's a thing! Yay! I'm sure he told me what it was and how to use it, but shit if I know.
I'm off to the PokeCenter to heal up, and then unto parts unknown... like Saffron City, and stuff. I'll work on that tomorrow though, so until then, remember: Gastly's licks you until you're paralyzed.Good night!
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