We don't always like being nonplussed

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Mother (Earthbound 0) Flailthrough - Day 18 delayed due to lack of coffee.)

Alright, we have a whole new town to explore, so I guess I'll start by talking to the local population and see if they give me anything... as one should always do. This is a vitally important function of the random NPC in a video game world, along with quest giving and letting strangers spend the night in their house. One should always remember proper video game manners, if they're going to live in a video game world. I'd recommend the Pokemon world though, since they at least don't break into your home and steal shit.


Did you take all the money and equipment out of that house over there? ...oh, you're adventurers? Carry on.
I've noticed that there are quite a few of these guys running around the city, and I can't help but wonder if they're police officers, or some sort of more colorful Chinese communists, since the uniform tends to be green in the real world. I speak to one, wondering if I'll be given the item 'little red book' for my troubles, but instead I find I'm given this:

Nice hair, Smurfette. That a pompadour or a goiter?
A lot of gyp. I'm not sure I've ever been attacked by a member of the Blue Man Group before, but I fear what he may do with his PVC pipes. They do a fair bit of damage actually, but we can take them out in a round so there's no real worry about them, especially since you have to walk up and talk to them to make them attack you. I'll keep them in mind in case I need to do any power leveling later on... Which let's be honest, is pretty much a given.

After that I find the local department store, and do what I try to do in every town I go to, and buy the items that I don't recognize. This is important, and you'll see why shortly.

I wander around for some time trying to find what to do next, ignoring the Flash since I bet he wants me to pay him back for his tank, which is total BS because I'm not even the one that destroyed it. Blame that on the giant crotch-bot, not the ten year old kid... where was I before that rant? Oh yeah, looking around for something plot point...

Ooh, pointy!

That looks pretty plot point to me, so I guess I'll see what I can find inside... I hope it's cake.

Nope, it's a large building, which seems to consist entirely of an elevator that leads one to the roof. Lovely. I head to the left on the roof and see a few binoculars attached to pivots, one of which is pointed at a small island in the distance. I look into them, hoping for some fancy 8-bit graphics of an island, or perhaps a girl in a bikini on a beach, but I get the next most logical thing:

It's the Vl'hurg battle fleet. Someone fetch a small dog!
A tiny rocket, from a tiny island... I'm not sure if the is the smallest scale invasion ever, or if this is some sort of transport, but I'll see what happens when I try to poke it...

It did not explode.

No, what it did do was bring me to a tiny island with a tiny house on it that's much bigger on the inside than out, and filled with two people and a scientist. The first one seems to have asked me a question, and I vaguely recognized the name of something I had purchased in the store... I think... so I tried to use it, and the man took it, and gave me something... I'm not sure what it was, but he gave it to me, and that means that it's mine! Mine!.. What the goddamn hell do they do?!

Enough of that, it's time to move on back to the city. Since I can't find anything else, I guess I'll go and speak with the Flash and see if he's going to help me find my way to the wayward plot.

It seems as though I was right in my earlier assumption:

Man, if fixing the tank is only $200, I'll give you a grand to build me one!
But I've got to admit, $200 is pretty cheap for fixing up a tank. Hell, I would be willing to buy one if it was that easy to maintain. I give him the money and he's off in a... a hurry? No... a rush?... nah, doesn't sound right. I give up. Anyway, the Flash runs off really, really fast, and the door to the "live house," is open... I still think this place is going to be full of strippers. It's not, though:

Aw, no poles? Well, I assume. Hard to tell nationality from pixels.
But it is filled with purple, and a lot of it. I had to give the woman at the gate something to get in, so I guess I either bought a ticket somewhere along the way, or a bag full of fish heads... or given the clientele here, it could have been a doobie. I guess there's no way to tell for sure. I wander the room for a bit, and I note that there are a few people asking me questions... I don't know what they are, but given the way this club looks I'm not sure I want to agree to anything... *sigh* but I guess for the point of plot, I've got to do what I've got to do.
Oh thank God, no poles. This could've taken a turn for the horrifying.
... This is not what I expected I would have to do, to be perfectly honest with you readers out there. No where in the playing of this game did I think that, "take part in a choreographed dance number," would appear on the to do list. I have to admit, they aren't bad dancers, for only having feet and no legs. The dance number is also insufferably long, which is always a bonus. And to top it all of, a man with the largest arms I have ever seen then barges in to... I don't know, propose?

AH KIH YEW!
I really, really wish I hadn't answered yes to the question he asked me, if it was marriage he had in mind... But surprisingly, the fight wasn't that long, and neither of us did very much damage to each other. I guess this is some guy... Wait! I forgot that everyone around the town has been saying Poo! I think I might have found Poo! I've been looking for Poo for ages, but Poo just fell right into my lap! Hooray Poo! (Writer's note; I could continue this for ages, but am stopping now for the sake of Poo.)

Finally, my forth party member!... Who just kicked Jeff out of the party?! Son of a bitch! Are you telling me I'm going to have to level up a third party member with a... huh, he comes in at level 18... that's not to... SWEET JESUS look at those stats! I love you, Poo! I want to have your little Poo babies! Now I just need to... Oh crap... He needs equipment, but... how do I get back to the magic sky kingdom!?

This... could be quite a lot of work, if I can even find a way back...

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