In any event, I find that I can't, in fact, poke around Narshe, so I head out to the wide world and level grind. Once Tina and Locke are both level 10, I head into the desert castle of what I'm pretty sure is Figaro to have a poke around there. The reason I do this is simple... I can't get into the cave further down. See how that works? Can't crawl through a dungeon, hit up the nearest town. Ta da.
Most of the potentially interesting bits seemed to be blocked off, so I guess I should go find Edgar's manwhore ass and babble at him in pictures. Despite that plan, I detour and find what looks like a shop, but whatever it's selling, none of my people can equip, so... wandering on.
And here we see the king for whom we were searching, and come to one very important questions... Why does everyone have to be blonde, Amano? Whatever the reason, talking to Edgar makes him come down off the dais and stare at Tina's tits. He's such a smooth devil, isn't he ladies and gentlemen?
And apparently there's something about Tina that makes men break into poses... maybe all the guys should start wearing spandex briefs and white chest plates with ridiculous shoulder pads and form some kind of... force. In any case, now comes the naming of the king, and from this day forward, he shall be known as...
Gimme a break, I couldn't find a 'd'.
Still, it's easily recognizable, and that's what matters. There's some talking, the guys nod a lot, and then everyone fucks off, leaving me to control Tina and do... I dunno, the hokey pokey. I think I'm going to wait to check out the items shop until Edgar is in my party, because I think that gives you a discount... and since I'm not cheating, I'm going to hold onto my gold so tight it would make Scrooge McDuck go "Daaaaaaaaaaaaamn dawg!" as he so often does.
As it turns out, I'm now capable of exploring more of the castle than I was previously, and this makes for good times, and an important discovery...
Edgar likes twins. That's right, boy and girls, that's a bedchamber full of the same woman. Neat. This is of course how you know you've made it as a king, because you can afford to clone your favorite bitch. Truly this is something to which we should all aspire.
I check another room to find more of that one guy from Narshe, and then move on to continue my exploration... man I hope there wasn't somewhere I was supposed to be...
I quickly find places I'm not allowed to go, and then wander out onto the world map. Oops. I head back inside, take another nap to restore the hit points I lost when I wandered off, and then continue my search for what the fuck I'm supposed to be doing. Well... Locke and Edgar have disappeared, and I've searched everywhere I'm allowed to go twice... was I supposed to meet them somewhere or something?
I finally find a place I haven't been to before and talk to a woman I'm pretty sure is Edgar's mom, and get thrown into a cut scene. Unlike my previous flash back, this one isn't sepia-toned, but it DOES introduce someone important:
Here we have the other Figaro boy:
Sabin/Mash. Alright, I know that doesn't look anything like an 'm', but neither does anything else, so I had to wing it. Either way, Queen Mommy babbles on, and then I talk to the hyperactive pig-tailed midget in the room, and get yelled at. Screw you, midget, I could squish you.
Apparently triggering that cut scene was what I needed to do, because when I go back into the throne room, Edgar's there, and he's talking to me now... or at the very least, he's staring at my tits. Either way, I think the plot might advance. Yep, someone came running in and the music cut out, clearly there are serious business going on.
It looks like Biggs and Wedge have magically reappeared, but no on cares about them, because we can see KEFKA! In COLOR this time! I don't think he likes the desert...
Nope, doesn't like it one bit, and has his goons brush his dainty little feets off for him before laughing with wonderful 16 bit malevolence. After he chats with Edgar for a bit, I'm back to being Tina, and I follow Locke as he wanders off. When I catch him, he and Tina chat, and then Tina's sad. Don't ask me why, but I think it might have something to do with her being alone with Locke in a bedroom, and then him just walking off. You know, I wouldn't take rejection very well if I'd already been in his pants once, either.
Here we have a particularly neat trick... the castle, the STONE and METAL castle, is on fire. Thank you Kefka. Also those blurs? They're people running back and forth for absolutely NO reason.
And now Edgar and co. make their daring escape!
Kefka is confused, but I think the important thing to take from this exchange is that the chocobos are ADORABLE!
And so are the sprites riding them. Fuck yeah, cuteness!
Sadly I missed not only Kefka's wtf stance, but also him landing on his head. I'm sorry, I feel bad about that guys, because it was pretty fucking funny. Instead I got you this:
In other news...
How come MY Magitek armor didn't look this fucking cool? Jerk offs. I love that after you finish that battle, they run past Kefka again, JUST to piss him off. I sadly can't get a picture of Kefka raging, because his jumping up and down would just make him a blur. Afterward, we're treated to a nice cut scene where we watch our adorable heroes escape on their adorable Chocobos, who run adorably across the sand.
Unfortunately, I now seem to be in charge, and uh... I'll be dicked if I know where I'm supposed to be. This should be fun... I wonder when I can ditch the birds so I can get into fights and get XP again... the answer is apparently whenever the hell I want, because the only place I can go, Chocobo or not, is that cave I mentioned earlier. Good times. I was right, because Edgar talks to the soldier blocking the path, and he fucks off. Well with a dungeon dawning, and Edgar two levels above the rest of my party, I'm going to do the only logical thing... level grind my face off... because I can still just WALK back to Narshe and use the bucket o' healing there. Good times. Anyway, I'll meet you guys back here next week when everyone's at least level 15. Until then, be groovy... or something.
No comments:
Post a Comment