This kid? This one right here? He likes shorts because they're comfortable and easy to wear... and he's ready to punch your freaking teeth out if you disagree with him. Look at his mean little eyes, and the fierce set of his hat. You see that body language right there? That means he's ready to mess a bitch up if they go dissin' his short. You better recognize, fool!
I am WAY to white to be saying that. Anyway, I've left Pewter City, and am on my way... somewhere. There's a cave involved and I think it's Digglett's Cave or maybe Mt. Moon, but I'm not sure, all I know is I have a maze of trainers to get through to get there, and then I'll be buried under a metric fuckton of Zubats (which is more than a Standard fuckton, mind you). Hey, has anyone wondered if shorts kid grew up to be Joey? I mean, his first pokemon IS a Rattata, and he babbles about nonsensical things. You know... I'm just sayin'... Back on topic, the Lass sprite hasn't changed much, so no need for a picture. She's a bit more... um... rounded, I guess in the American Red and Blue. Not fat, they just looks less like they're made out of spaghetti.
... Whut? Is that... Gypsy from MST3K? Or... Ekans? Is that you? Oh man... dude... I'm... I'm sorry man. You were that baby snake I ran over with the lawn mower years ago, weren't you? Wow, I just... Sorry... No wait... That was after I graduated high school, so you can't blame this on me! As they say in elementary school, "U-g-l-y, you ain't got no alibi, you ugly! Yeah, yeah, you ugly!" (Yes, it was a southern elementary school, how'd you guess?)
Oh crap.. the moment I've been dreading has come... Butterfree wants to learn a new move, but it already knows four moves. Do I want to delete an old move? Um... maybe? I... I don't know... What move is it? I mean, I know for a fact that I have Tackle, String Shot and Confusion, and I MIGHT have Poison Powder... or Sleep Powder, or potentially Stun Spore... I don't really know, but I DO know that whatever this move is it's one of the two that isn't the one I have already. Time to call for backup. Well the move I have is Poison Powder, which means this is... Stun Spore. Time to say no with both hands!
... *whimper* Alright, I've always found Jigglypuff kinda.. disturbing... with it's wide staring eyes and disturbing chewed bubble gum pink color, but... Um... I can't decide if this thing looks like it wants to eat my soul, or if it's cracked out on cocaine, PCP and LSD. It looks like somebody shaved a furby and then inflated it. Either way... I'm going to have to catch one... and I don't want to, but I have to. Alright, this is a trainer's Jigglypuff, but how the hell does it know Double slap already?! They don't learn that until level three thousand! Damn, cheating computer! Stop putting my Balls to sleep! Along with Pidgey, it is clearly a troll pokemon... and a whore.
Anyway, after beating up a bunch of girls and small children, the path to the cave is clear. Of course, now I have to go back into town, heal up, and buy more pokeballs. Or... you know... maybe I coulda just kept going down the path, and... run into the PokeCenter outside of the cave... Oh screw you. Screw you SO HARD! I thought those were only inside of towns in this one. Jerk offs. Well anyway, my comedy of errors aside, I can go into the cave. Woo. There are no words to express my joy... or the sarcasm in that statement for that matter.
You gotta be shitting me. So after like a twenty minute tour of this one little grass patch, I finally ran into a Jigglypuff, and since I was sure all my attacks would one hit kill it, I used Thunderwave to paralyze it in the hopes that... I dunno, ducks. Anyway, I paralyzed it, and then Growled at it, at which point it put to me to sleep. Knowing that all my other pokemon would DEFINITELY knock it out with a sneeze, I just chucked a ball at it... and I caught it. Full health, and only paralyzed, and I caught the bastard on the first try. Hell yeah! On with my day!
I decided to talk to the people in the PokeCenter, and some fat, bald dude tried to sell me something for 500... I think that's the jokester that tries to sell you a Magikarp, or as I fondly call them, Magikrap. Well no thank you sir, I'm onto you! I can get one of those for FREE after I get a fishing rod, so nuts to you! Other than him, some guy in a suit yelled at me, and a kid apparently decided to demonstrate the fact that he could count. Good for you, little dude. Clearly spending all your time playing with dangerous animals hasn't had any negative impact on your education! Now if only you could count past six...
Literally three steps into the cave, and I'm accosted by a... well I'll call it a Zubat, since it has Zubat-like qualities... you know, wings, ears, teeth, no eyes... but um... yeah. It's a sausage with wings, a couple of skewers in the bottom, and a hideous gaping maw full of tremendously bad teeth. Sadly, instead of just wound it a bit, I killed him in one hit. Oh well, it's a Zubat, and I'm in a cave. Zubat. Cave. What was the question?
About five step later I run into another, and catch it. Ha! Anyway, I head further into the cave and run into a trainer who sends out... Clederpy... Its crossed eyes and slack-mouthed expression make me wonder what horrors this trainer has visited on their Clefairy to make it look like this. Did they drop it on its head? Or just spoon-feed it a mixture of mercury and lead paint when it was a baby? Either way, I'm about to take Clederpy down for the good of the world in general.
Well the Pokefanatics... or Pokenerds... or creepy unwashed bastards look the same, so there's no point for a picture there either. His Magnemite looks pretty much standard, except that the screw on top is much much longer, but that seems to be the only real difference. Voltorb is also still a ball with a face on it, though his eyes are pretty worrying. Other than that, nothing new and interesting here, so I'll be moving along.
... Do you remember those troll dolls? The ones with the ridiculous hair, and they usually had some plastic gem in their belly button? Oddish seems to have been made from one of those... except they only used the head, got rid of the nose, and then made the ears into feet. I'm not entirely exaggerating there. Behold all of its derpy glory.
Well despite Oddish's hideous appearance, Bellsprout looks about the same, so there's really no comment on him. Son of a bitch! A Zubat used Supersonic on me, and now I'm confused. And his Absorb does more damage than my Leech Seed. And just like that, ONE trainer battle has me running back for the entrance with my tail between my legs... Wait... Where the hell WAS the entrance?! Oh crap.
I managed to find my way out just fine, and even ran into a wild Clederpy! ... And then accidentally killed it. The bastard. Aaaaand then did the same with a Parasect. Damn it. The Parasect looked pretty much like it always does, except the claws looked more like telescoping points than claws, but that's really not enough of a difference to take a picture. In my item searching efforts (since I don't buy anything from the Pokemarts except pokeballs, because I don't know what the hell they're selling) I run into a Team Rocket Grunt. He looks pretty much the same, and other than having an annoying Sandshrew with Sand Attack, and a damn Zubat with Supersonic, I got rid of him pretty easily. Now I just wish I knew what all these items I've been picking up are...
You know, I'm starting to think this is Mt. Moon. I base this mostly on nothing, but the more I think about it, the more I'm sure it is, because I think I passed through here in Soul Silver. Anyway, one of the Team Rocket Grunts has a Raticate, and it is something approaching a death god... though he just looks like a Raticate... no real change from the normal sprite, so let's just keep on trucking. I hope I run into another damn Clefairy... I need it for my completion whoring.
... Grimer looks like he had a stroke. I don't know how else to put that, but... he looks bad man. It's like they took out like, half the pixels they used for the later sprite. I just don't know how to put it... he looks like some sad little melting wax doll trying to 'raise the roof'.
Koffing looks about the same, since he's kinda just a ball of smog with eyes. After taking out the nerd, I grab a fossil and proceed... I don't know WHAT fossil I took... or even if it's actually a fossil, hell it might be a pile of poo. Either way, I pick it up, and continue on my journey, finding a way out of the cave... No Clefairy... Shit. I'm going to have to go back in there, aren't I? *whimper* Regardless, I'm calling it here because I can't type and listen to people talk to me at the same time, and my boyfriend of five years hasn't figured this out yet. Also this is a good stopping place, since I'm out of... whatever cave I was in. Until next weekend, remember, Jigglypuff watches you shower.
No comments:
Post a Comment