... Ok, ok, that's a bit too far... she can't be more than a capo. Lance has to be the Godfather, with his pimpin' cape and bad ass dragons.Of course the only reason I mentioned any of that is because power leveling Meowth is horribly boring and the asinine town set up makes it difficult to get back where I was leveling after I heal up. I think the guards in the waystations are in on it too, since I can't pass through them. Crooked bastards. So with that in mind, I head through this strangely handy underground tunnel. Clearly this is the Pokemon equivalent of the famous Underground Railroad, except instead of transporting slaves from the south to the north, it allows the second class citizens that are non-trainers to escape the crushing, iron grip of the PokeMafia.
Well I interrupt a snogfest between two trainers, and the enraged camper sends out... Derple. Wow, Squirtle, just... wow. I'm not even sure how to describe it, so I'll just give you the picture and let you come to your own conclusions... though I will point out that the arm in the foreground looks more like a tumor than an arm.
I'm getting tired of things peeing on me. Those water types REALLY need to learn to control their bladders. Be that as it may, I take out the camper and the picnicker he was snogging with only minor difficulty and continue on my never-ending level grinding way. The good news is that at level 17, Meowth has learned Pay Day, and all my money troubles are over!! Well... not that I was having THAT much trouble since the only thing I've bought has been Pokeballs, because I don't know what anything else is, but still! Money! It makes everything better!
As it turns out, after five thousand teleports back to Cerulean City, and five thousand long treks back through the underground passage, all I needed to do was go down a bit and I'd hit the new town, and a much, much closer PokeCenter... God damn it! I won't say that I'm bitter, but I wanted to throw the game at the wall... even though it was technically my fault for being an idiot. Either way, in the new area I talk to some old guy and answer yes to his question, and he gives me something. I decide to try it since I don't know what it is, and it turns out to be a fishing rod. Excellent! Time to catch a Magikrap...
And kill it horribly. Woops. Well Magikarp looks the same as always, just a bit fatter, and at a different angle. I'm sure some of you are wondering why I don't have a Gyarados already, but there was no way in hell I'd shell out 500 for a Magikarp. Besides, it'll level faster in the area I'm in now, so nyah. The current trick is just... you know... not killing them horribly. This looks like a job for Leech Seed!
After watching it bounce up and down about fifty times with its useless Splash move... I chunk a ball at its head and catch it. Ha! Take THAT! Of course, the trick now is figuring out who to replace with him. Hm... Nidorno, my main bunny... you're going in the box. Sorry, but I can't evolve you anymore until I have enough Moon Stones for everyone, so... yeah. Sorry. Please don't fill the box with baby bunnies, since Nidorina's in there with you... because then I'll eat them. Mm... hossenfeffer.
So bunny in box and fish in hand, I continue the endless level grinding. Kill me. In an effort to put off the inevitable, I stop to peek in some houses and talk to people. Some guy in a business suit wants one of my Pokemon, but I'll be damned if I know which one, so I'll ignore him for now. In the next house is a bunch of people, and another old guy in a suit gives me something... but I'm not sure what it is. With luck it's the bike voucher I need, so with hope in my heart, I'm going back to Cerulean... AGAIN! And I'll level grind on the way *mutter mutter grumble*.
As it turns out, I did indeed get the bike voucher, and now I'm scooting around, happy as a clam... You know, I've always wondered about that phrase. How do we know clams are happy? I mean, it's not like they talk to us... hell, they might be miserable. I mean, I'd be pretty damn unhappy, if I was stuck to a rock all my life until some other creature scraped me of and then either cracked me open with a rock and ate me alive, or cooked me while I was still alive. Well, anyway, my point was that I'm happy to have the bike... because walking is for LOSERS!
On a fun little side note, while I mindlessly level my Pokemon, I also have all our Pokewalkers
on a string, so I can swing it and gain watts while I work. Since it's taken a turn for the chilly (and thanks to a massive computer meltdown) we don't have the Pokesailer active, so I'm having to do this by hand. Oh, the joy in my heart. The hot, frothing, bubbling, wretched, hateful joy... At least the cat seems to enjoy this development.On another side note, I'd like to point out that not only are Pidgeys little freaking trolls, they're also also cheap little bastards. I barely get any money out of them when I have my Meowth beat them until coins falls out.
In a fit of boredom, I went back and talked to the man in the business suit to see what he wanted of me. After staring at the strange and mysterious runes that were his speech, I thought I recognized what he was asking for, and so went and pulled the matching collecting of lines from my box. It turned out he wanted my cardboard cut out Spearow, and in return, I got... a Farderp'd... or Derpfetch'd if you prefer. He looks like what would happen if you crossed Popeye with a duck.
All I can say is, what has science wrought? His eyebrows look more like a scar, as though he's been in one to many bar fights... and his leek looks like he's been sharpening it, probably to fend off all those Nidoran males.
Apparently Ivysaurs learn Poison Powder at level 22... thank goodness all I got rid of was Growl, or else I'd be kinda pissed. I was under the impression that he got a better attack, but I guess that's in the later games.
Alright, screw the power leveling, what am I supposed to be doing? Isn't there a ship or something I'm supposed to get on around here? Time to investigate. Well, in my search for a boat, I found a cave... because clearly I look for boats on LAND. Anyway, I managed to bumble my way into a level 31 Dugtrio, who look the same as always (though there's a bit more sarcasm in their eyebrows), and take them out after the deaths of my Alakazam, and my Ivysaur, because my highest level Pokemon is level 22. Oopsie. Considering the fact that the only Pokemon in this area seem to be Digletts and Dugtrios, I'm going to go out on a limb here, and say this is Diglett's cave. If I've said that about any other cave, then I was wrong. I might as well explore it while I'm here, and worry about the boat later.
Well apparently it leads to an area I could have gotten to with Cut, and some kid that wants some Pokemon from me. I dunno what it is though, so I'll have to stare at the symbols until I find a Pokemon with a name that matches. Fun... except not. A spin through my Pokedex tells me that it's an Abra that guy is after, so I head back to Cerluean and shuffle through the grass until I kick one up. Why, you might ask? Because at least I have a GOAL to the leveling then, instead of just doing it mindlessly as my brain slowly drips out of my ear. Besides, I wanna see what this guy's going to give me, and the Digletts on the way are good experience... and they seems to have a decent bit of money on them, unlike those miserly Pidgey bastards.
As a reward for my hard work, my Magikrap is now a bouncing, healthy Gyarados, and to prove his superiority over the world, he just killed a Dugtrio 11 levels higher than him without taking any damage. Whose house? This is Gyarados' house, bitches! All shall tremble before his awesome fucking might. He just killed a level 18 Diglet in one hit... and he's only level 20. Oh yeah, bow before your mighty water dragon GOD!
Oh, he's not all that changed, though he does look a bit more he comes from Magikrap in this version, I just wanted to put a picture of him in here after all the brain melting work I went through to get him. Who's Mommy's fierce little rape monster? Is it you? Is it you?! It sure is! You're Mommy's good little killing machine!
Anyway, the point of that was to take the recently caught Abra to that guy on the other side of Diglet's Cave, and I've done that, receiving... a Mr. Mime in return! Alright, and into the box he goes where I can forget about him!
He's like the worst possible combination of a mime and clown, and I don't like either. He also looks like maybe he ate that Abra I sent over, the fat sack of fatty fat. Well, with that done, I think I'm going to wrap it up here, and explore the possibility of boats tomorrow. Until tomorrow, remember... God is an angry, angry blue water dragon.
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