We don't always like being nonplussed

Saturday, June 11, 2011

Final Fantasy VI - Day 27 (In which Strago dances)

Well when we last left off, I was teaching Shadow magic, and now that he's no longer in the back of the class, with that, it's time to find something to do. Now someone said something about Locke ages ago, but my comprehension of the prompt is impaired by my innate inability to progress cognacious katakana. So in the absence of the hint, I'm going to poke around. There was a town a while back with a giant house that let me play with the light... maybe that actually did something... Maybe it'll let me fight more paintings now. And it does! A picture of a woman results in this:

They removed the smoke, but NOT the pipe for the US version.
Apparently I'm attacked by Asian flappers. They're not much to write home about, but after beating their faces in, a door appears. Well it's starting to look awfully dungeon-ie in here. Time to get to work. I'm in a dark basement... this doesn't bode well for any of my characters that are not plucky young high school virgins... which is all of them. My sense of impending doom is reinforced by the fact that walking too close to a painting gets me sucked into it, and someone appears behind me IN the painting. Creepy. It turns out to be the crazy cat lady:

She looks a little young though... oh well, time to murder her face off.
My reward is being dropped out of the frame, and replaced by some old chick standing on the chair. Those are for SITTING, you know, not standing. I head on to choose between two doors, get an item, and then onto a path that leads to more door... that switch between being open and closed. Well I walk into one and find myself in a strange room with:

So all I have to do is get the heavy wooden chests to fall on my head? Easy money!
That's right, floating treasure chests. Yeah, they're bobbing around, so the picture's blurry, sorry. Either way, to get them to come down, you have to stand in their shadow, and then defeat the monsters inside. There's one other interesting thing I notice about this room:

Technically it could be a picture of Maria. Just sayin'.
See anything familiar? It's a shame I don't have Celes in my party right now, because that would have been funny. I start talking to the paintings, and get drawn into another battle, after which a door appears. Sadly, I can't fight the picture of Celes, so I just move on. Tenting at the save point seems to have turned the lights on in this part of the dungeon, which is odd, but I know better than to question. Heading through a door makes it dark again, but I'm lead to what looks kinda like a stage, or at least a raised dais, and find:

'Oota goota, Relm?'
A thing? Well it's a thing that Relm's painting, but it's still a really weird-looking toad-ish thing. On that note, hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii Relm! She doesn't seem moved, so I talk to the horrible fat frog things instead. After that I have to fight...

Ah, I see! They took all the smoke from the Dahlings' pipes and piled it on this lady's midriff!
Um... I don't know if that's a 'goddamn it Japan, you ROCK,' or just a 'goddamn it Japan'... Well, at least she isn't twelve, so that's something to be grateful for. However, she turned into a horrible undead thing that I COMPLETELY forgot to get a picture of, because I keep forgetting I'm not just face-punching for funsies. Sorry guys. After I beat it, the lights come up, the horrible frog thing is still a horrible frog thing, and Relm FINALLY notices us. Stuck up artists. Nothing really seems to happen beyond fatso babbling, so I search the room and pick something up off the shelf. I dunno what it is, but apparent it makes Relm feel bad:

'You punched all of my paintings...'
After that I get kicked back out of the mansion. I search around to see what it was I picked up, and it's a new magicite. Awesome. Upon returning to the airship, I find out that I also have Relm back. Double awesome. This means I can also go get Strago back now, so TRIPLE awesome... Until I remember that then it's to the Veldt for Lore hunting, and magic grinding... craaaaaaap Well, such is my obsessive, obsessive life.

Either way, I head back to the Fanatics' Tower... and wonder exactly how the hell it is that those people got here... I mean, it's surrounded by mountains that apparently not even a troupe of super adventurers can get into, but there are a bunch of thieves and a bunch of old men tromping around in circle... I mean you couldn't even GET here without an airship, and that didn't even EXIST in the World of Ruin until Celes' boobies talked Setzer into raiding his dead girlfriend's tomb. I'm just saying, it's WEIRD.

Anyway, we walk up to the drones, Relm jumps away from the party, and then:

'Yeah, you searched REAL hard for me. Climbed a fucking impenetrable MOUNTAIN RANGE to traipse around this tower chanting bullshit, and couldn't even catch a boat to Jidoor, home of the FAMOUS PAINTING COLLECTOR!?'
She mad. Hell, I would be too if my grandfather, the only person I, to my knowledge, had left decided to screw off, and abandon me in order to join a man-dress line dancing group... or whatever these guys are. Strago poops himself, jumps like A MILLION feet in the air, and then starts talking to Relm. He jumps over to the party, everyone nods, and the joins. Funny side note? The fanatics didn't close ranks, so there's a Strago-shaped hole in their formation... In case he ever decides to come back, I guess. In any case, boys and girls, this is where we part ways. I have a lot of magic grinding, and Lore hunting to do, so I'll see you guys back here later... not that... you'll notice... shut up.

Now that I've taught everyone everything, except the last spell Strago needs, but he can learn it as I go along, I head off to poke some places with stick. nothing new in any of the towns, so I decide to try the opera house again, just in case there's something there.Well, after wandering around for a while, I find that I can get out on the rafters again... and I still have to fight rats. I also notice that there's a dragon sitting on the stage. Neat?

'And now for our 44,642nd encore of Please Don't Eat Us, Mr. Scary Dragon!'
The orchestra is still playing madly in the pit, by the way. I think I would be too, if I had a grumpy looking dragon staring at me. I find the room full of switches again and pull one... and then get dropped onto the stage, and drawn into a battle with the...

(Science means that not all dreams can come true!)
Dragon? Dude, seriously? I think someone needed to explain to Square the difference between dinosaurs and dragons, srsly. The important thing is that Vanish/Death makes him go splat, and then I get a message with the numbers eight and three in it. I guess have three of the eight dragons left? Either way, the Impresario doesn't show me any appreciation in the form of money or items, so I bounce.

I head back to Thamasa to look for some new equipment or something, and instead get a scene where Relm runs off, Strago feels bad and then Relm shows back up and flaps her arms. What's that girl? Timmy's fallen down Devil's Gorge and had a compound fracture of the lower mandible? Nope, it seems to just be some old poop lying in bed:

Strago's surprised too. Then he's flappy angry, and then feels bad. He leaves, Relm talks to him, they nod, he walks off, she feels bad, and then runs after him. I have no idea what the hell that was about, but it looked like a plot hook. And it seems to have been!

Plot coupon: Acquired!
There was no cave on that island before that scene. Time to go check it out! I only have a small circle of visibility here (think of a cave in Pokemon that you need Flash for) and I step on a switch, which drops me down... to a talking treasure chest... Alright... I don't know what it wants me to do, but when I pick the top option it knocks my ass back. Alright then. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that he wants me to bring him something. time to search around for something to give him.

Alright, so I already mentioned that this dungeon is dark, on top of that, it's a warp tile dungeon, my second least favorite kind of dungeon (the first being the sliding puzzle dungeons).All of the chests seem to give the same things, but in different quantities, so I'm going to guess that this is what I'm supposed to give the talking chest, and since this isn't QUITE frustrating enough, I'm also going to assume that I need a lot of it. Oh joy. I ran into him again when I had twenty-nine, so I decided to try it. It seems to have accepted the offering and moved out of the way for me. Finally. I head up the opened path and am rewarded with:

Why does Relm end up meeting all the ugly things?
Something green and blobby with teeth, and Relm pooping herself. Hooray?

Looks kind of like a wolf wearing spectacles...
There's a better picture of his sprite.

Looks significantly LESS like a wolf wearing spectacles.
And there's him in person... he's a frighting shit, isn't he? I'm going to guess by the bone theme that he's undead, so Vanish/Death will have to be Vanish/X-zone when I get there. Something tells that this guy has a Lore Strago needs, because this is STRAGO'S side plot... just call it a hunch. I wish the bastard would hurry up and use it though, because I'm tired of being poisoned. Well, it used some kind of weird triangle space attack, so I'm going to assume that was it, and Firaga it into none existence. I know I said I was going to use Vanish/X-Zone, but setting its FACE on FIRE was SO much more satisfying.

After killing it, Strago dances, giggles... and then apparently runs back to Thamasa... Neat trick. He talks to the other old guy, and then they both dance and spin around in some kind of weird old guy victory celebration. Relm comes in, calls them dumb, and then they stop. After that, we get a flash back. In said flash back, Strago was apparently on crack, and flapping angrily. Relm and the other old guy talk about who the hell knows what, and then Relm shakes her finger at the old guy and bolts at approximately the speed of light, leaving the old man to jump in place angrily. Whatever. The important thing here is that after checking my Blue Magic list, I have a new spell. Awesome.

I think I'm going to call it here, since I got some work done, bosses defeated, dungeons crawled, and magic learned. I'll meet you back here tomorrow when I hunt down a new side quest. So until then, don't stick your finger in an electrical outlet. Good night!

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